Close Call

So for the past few days something has been on my mind. I don’t get close. Friends, significant others, family, God… you name it. I keep a distance. I think its a defense mechanism so I don’t get hurt. When I feel that someone is getting too attached or vice versa, I IMMEDIATELY pump the brakes. You want to talk to me everyday?? Naw bruh!!! Extreme PDA?!?! Uhhhh no. PDA all the damn time??? **giving the side eye**  Is it bad that I do this?? Is this a problem?? Is this something that I need to change? Is it something that I can change. I’m breaking out in a sweat just thinking about it! I never want to feel like I absolutely need someone and I think thats because all the times that I have gotten so wrapped up in a friendship or relationship; I forgot who I was and at some point was the one that got hurt in the end. Its easier to take a step back **throws up time out signal** and regroup. Friends in high school, that went south once and it sucked because they were my ONLY friends. After that epic fall out, I kept one foot out the door. First guy I ever loved, basically had his fun and played me over and over and over again and after that it was just easy for me to keep one foot out the door. With God, its not that He hurt me in any way. I just got to a point where I was so wrapped up in the process of finding Him and knowing EVERY SINGLE DETAIL and getting upset when I was supposed to know something and didn’t, that now its just easier for me to go in and then step back and evaluate. Stay true to who He wants me to be without losing myself in the process. I’ve been there and done that. Does that make me bad? I think the thing is that I don’t do “overwhelmed” very well. When anything overwhelms me I have to step back. So again is this something that I have to work on? Is this why I am single? Is this another piece to the puzzle?  Or will I meet the guy that knows how to handle my issues the way God does. See God works with me. He doesn’t push me. He speaks to me quietly and nudges me a little but lets me make the moves.  Will the guy thats meant for me understand that?? Will he get that I am not clingy?? Will he understand the need for space?? Will he understand if I say “Yeh dude I totally don’t want to see your face right now. Nope don’t want to talk to you either. Give me a day or two.”

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Author: singleinbrooklynblog

I am a 30 something year old woman living in Brooklyn NY. I am originally from Dallas TX but do not see myself moving back any time in the near future. I have a love for all food especially when it can be delivered to my apartment. I love running OCR even though I am the slowest person out there. I have a short attention span (why NY is the ideal place for me). I am silly, sarcastic, optimistic, easy going and fun. I am also very single and I must say that I am enjoying my Single In Brooklyn life.

1 thought on “Close Call”

  1. I think at some point in life we all put up those defense mechanism. I’m dealing with issues myself and find myself spending a lot of time talking to God. I guess I’ll just keep waiting 🤔

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