So the past couple of days have been full of highs and lows. Work has been great but super busy. My days have been full of 2 year old laughter. Thats what gets me through the day. At night I log onto the web only to see killing after killing after killing. My heart hearts. My soul hurts. My spirit hurts. Last night I tuned out. I could not take it anymore. This morning I wake up to even more chaos… and from my home STATE… HOME CITY!!! Dallas in in FULL UPROAR!!!! I can’t take it anymore!!! Everyone has something to say about #Blacklivesmatter. They respond with #Alllivesmatter. So with the people posting #Bluelivesmatter do I need to come back with “Hey hey. Cut the racist crap. ALL LIVES MATTER. Do you understand the FEAR that I live in DAILY??? All because of the melanin in my skin?? Do you?? Do you understand that I am constantly watching my back and EVERY move because of the color of my skin?? Do you understand that I fear for the husband who might come into my life and the children that I might possibly bring into this world? RACISM IS REAL PEOPLE!!! I deal with it EVERY DAMN DAY!!! So yes I am proudly saying that MY BLACK LIFE MATTERS because it does!!! A lot of my friends have a privilege that I don’t. Some understand but some don’t. I don’t know if its because they refuse to really see it or if it is because they truly do not get it. I wonder if I cross the wrong path and my life is taken; will it because because its my time to go?? Thats whats scary. I am not scared of dying. I am scared of dying before my time. Do you understand?? Do you even want to understand. I sit here in tears because the world was NEVER a better place. Racism NEVER stopped. All this shit that is coming back into the light has ALWAYS ALWAYS been there!!! It was covered for a little bit. Whats done in the dark always comes to light and baby the spot light is on it!!! Those who went before. Those who fought for me. Those that endured before me… I GET IT!!! I can sit here all day and repeat #alllivesmatter… but if we are being totally honest… do they really??