Yesterday was my last day in TX. Yesterday I also received the news that my great aunt had passed in her sleep. Her name was Jessie but I always knew her as Aunt Dicky. She was a tiny thing. She wasn’t even 5′. She stood maybe 4’10”-4’11”. She had coarse gray hair and had like 4 teeth. Her eyes were always bright and there was always a spark of humor or hell raising lingering in the depths. She loved hard and was sweet as pie but she would cuss you out in a minute. Aunt Dicky was who you talked to when you were hungry and needed to be told straight truth. She didn’t sugar coat anything. She had a tiny voice but it was mighty. She also had the cutest little raspy laugh. Aunt Dicky was like a hummingbird. She was tiny and always moving at full speed. It was weird seeing her in a state of stillness. It was weird not hearing her little raspy laugh saying something like ” I’ll knock the shit out of you”or ” Oh hell…”. Aunt Dicky was the person that you thought would never go. She had too much spirit and spunk. So to see her not breathing…moving… Spirit void of the body was a total kick to the gut. We didn’t talk much and I didn’t get to see her often but when I did it was always laughter, and non stop chatter. There was always good food, spiked tea and margaritas. Aunt Dicky our world just dimmed a little bit without your fire but we know that you are going to light up the way wherever we go. Rest now. There is no more pain. Rest.
Tuesday!!! Tuesday’s are normally pretty good for me. I have the occasional hiccups but for the most part, Tuesday’s are pretty rad. This Tuesday though… SUCKED!!! It sucked. I woke up feeling kind of icky again but I wasn’t hurting like the day before. I wasn’t 100%. Well 1130 hits and m y thought was “ HOLY SHIT… Must find bathroom floor now!!!” My stomach hit a WHOLE different level of cramping. It was like lucifer had taken his hot pitchfork to my lower abdomen and twisted the damn thing as tight as he could and then because he couldn’t twist anymore he decide to rip it. That’s the only way to describe my struggle yesterday. I had to hand the baby off to the housekeeper because I was like “IM DYING!!!” 15 minutes went by and the pain did not ease. I couldn’t even stand up straight . I was the Hunchback of Notredam!!! I had tears in my eyes. I have a pretty high pain tolerance but that ish right there… OH HELL NO!!!
I called my medical office and my doc wasn’t there. The call attendant was like “ I say you need to go to Emergency NOW!!” I hung up, grabbed shoes and gave my boss a heads up.
Made it to the ER around 1230p. I sat in the waiting area for like 15 min before I was called to give pee and blood sample. Went back to waiting room. Saw and old white guy in hospital own walk out. He had bushy unkept brows and old eyes. He had tubes everywhere!! What the hell was he doing out of his room??? A nurse asked him that politely and he answered not so politely that he wanted a cup of coffee… She turned and walked away. They finally called me back and there was more waiting but this time I got really warm blankets because I was FREAKING FREEZING!!!! I had an IV inserted into my arm so I could get fluids and then had to drink the nasty drink so they could light me up from the inside out. That shit is NASTY!!! I had to get checked in every area known to man. I even apologized to the nurse for my ashiness because it was on a WHOOOOOOOOLE NOTHER LEVEL!!! I was like “ damn I knew I should have lotioned before I left but see how my stomach was cramping…. All I could do was lay on my bathroom floor. Sooooo yeh” She laughed and was like “ Oh please girl.” They did some checks and poking around… Which was so not comfortable BUT I got warm blankets again!!! I finally finished drinking the nasty stuff and had to sit again and wait. After waiting,a really nice young man sat me in a wheelchair and wheeled me to get my cat scan. So while I’m sitting in the hallway this older black man comes into view. He looked to weigh about 98 pounds and was about my height. He also had his gown on backwards so the opening was in the front. He had on a tee shirt, some white draws and crew socks with house shoes. He was also cussing someone out on the phone “ PUT MY GOT DAMN AUNT ON THE PHONE SO I CAN HANG UP IN YO MUTHA F*€<>%^ FACE!!” I wish I was making this up but I can not unsee that!!! I had my cat scan which was not comfortable. I had to lay with my arms above my head which put pressure on my abdomen. Then he injected the glow juice into my IV and that BURNED LIKE HELL!!!! Then it felt like I had to pee when the machine turned on. So after my cat scan I had to sit in the hallway again until someone took me back to the waiting cubicle. Sat there and dozed off for another hour or so.Then the doc came to check me out. That meant he had to push on my abdomen and he almost got kicked. By this point I’m just praying that it’s nothing serious because I just wanted to be able to make it home to spend time with my family and EAT!!! He didn’t like that I had so much pain on one side, so he ordered a sonogram. I walked back out and sat in my cubicle curled in a ball, wrapped in blankets and praying for sleep or something to eat! By this time my phone is totally dead and the charging station at the hospital didn’t work on my phone. DAMN DAAAAAMN DAAAAAAAAMN!!!! Soooo this sonogram. In my mind I thought they were going to rub some goop on my belly and take pictures that way… BOY WAS I WRONG!!!! I had to undress and put on a gown and she pulled out his instrument that had me doing a double take… “What the hell is that?!?!?!?!?” “How we are doing the sonogram.” “ I get that but where does that go?!?!?!?” Yeh I was NOT happy!!!! She kept saying to tell her when I felt discomfort. Here’s the thing. SHE WAS HARD OF HEARING!!!! Every time I said I was uncomfortable she kept going because SHE COULDN’T FREAKING HEAR ME!!! OH MAH GAH!!! I literally had tears streaming down my face. When that torture was done I sat in the hall again in my wheelchair waiting for the transporter to take me back to my cubicle. She came and my stomach was cramping up again and my entire body just hurt. And then the tears started. I couldn’t stop them. She noticed my tears and started singing to me then started talking to me to calm me down. Basically reminding me to keep my eyes on God. She was Jamaican if I am not taken and I loved her instantly because she was so kind to me and there was genuine concern in her eyes and voice. Even when I got to my cubicle I was still crying. I couldn’t stop. This was my first medical emergency that I had to face by myself. Normally my mom is always with me. Not this time. This time I was by myself. Mind you I have been here at the hospital for OVER 8 HOURS!!!! Im hungry, I’m tired, I want my mommy, and I feel like SHIT!!! One nurse came through and gave me pain meds which was JESUS in an IV!!! Oh it was the best!!! I finally got my results back of what the hell was going on with my body. Not horrible news but not the best news. I have to follow up with docs next week to see what my next steps are BUT I am ok. This whole episode is why I hate hospitals!!!!!
Saturday!!! Ohhhhhh Saturday how I love thee!!! Saturday is a day where I can sleep in… Like for real for real sleep in. Saturday is a day of RELAXATION!!! Statuary is happiness, Saturday is EVERYTHING **insert manic laughter here**
I woke up this morning at 930!!! YES LAWD!!!! **Church Faint… my wig fell off** I woke up with my fro all wonky and all of my makeup somewhere under my eyes. What did I decide to do?? Throw on my sweats and walk to the coffee shop on the corner. I did not comb my hair. I did not brush my teeth. I literally got up like a chocolate zombie and headed for the door. My roommate was leaving and saw me. She goes “Hey Khrys. How are you?” “Doing good. But I need coffee.” She goes “Yehhh. You look like it.” HAHAHA!!! I walked out to the coffee shop, stood in line and ordered my coffee and acted like I did not look a hot ass mess. The really handsome guy standing behind me when I turned around was a REMINDER of WHHHHHYYYYY you do not go out looking a HOT ASS MESS!!!! I grabbed my coffee and headed for the door. I made it back home, unloaded my breakfast findings and took a GIANT sip of Gods great nectar known as COFFFEEEEEEEE!!! I decided that no Saturday morning is complete without cartoons. Since Cartoons these days are CRAP, I figured netflix would have something that would win me over…Ohhhhh and did it. RECESS!!! Who remembers that cartoon?!?!?!?!?! My Saturday morning has been MADE!!!!
We made it to Thursday y’all!!! Guess who slept past 6a?!?!? BOOM this chick here!!! I woke up at 4 to pee but I was able to go back to sleep. **insert happy dance here** 650a rolled around and we were all up trying to figure out how to spend our last full day together. “Let’s go to the beach””Let’s do North Shore.” ” How do we get there??” “Coffee!! I need coffee!!!” ” I need a drink!!” All of these words were spoken by all of us in a 5 minute time span. Then it hit us… LETS RENT A CAR!!!!
We booked our car and then the question was “What do we do until it’s time to pick up the car??” The answer?? “BEACH!!!” So we went to ABC loaded up on snacks, booze and more snacks. We grabbed everything and marched to the beach! We were so EXTRA about it. We all had backpacks, we each had a raft, two of us had beach mats, and we all had multiple bags from ABC. It was pure comedy!! We hit the beach, unloaded, parked under an umbrella and we were SET!! Jana and I decided to hit the water… With our giant rafts!!! We ran out and had many failed attempts of climbing on. Once we got balanced, we paddled out and attempted to boogie board… With our giant pink and blue rafts. SOOOOOO MUCH FUN!!!!! We ended up eating a lot of water but that was the fun of it all. 12p rolled around and it was time to get the car and head to NORTH SHORE!!!!!
We made it out to North Shore and stopped at their amazing farmers market.. It was small but it was awesome. I had some kind of special breakfast crepe. Jaye had green curry and Jana had poke. Then she had a avocado honey chocolate ice cream… It wasn’t bad… Just tasted like it had avocado in it. HAHAHA!! She loved it!!! Jaye and I did not. After the market, we were on a mission to find the giant sea turtles. The waves at North Shore were MASSIVE!! MASSIVE!!! FUCKING HUGE!!! Because of the waves the turtles didn’t make an appearance. We saw one turtle raise a fin. Then it was like he said “Screw this. I’m OUT” and he headed back into the deep.
We decided that since we could not see the turtles, we would go for a swim and chill. Weeeeellllll we made it out, got a look at those waves and just chilled… There was no going in the water. Did you see where I said the waves were MASSIVE?!?!?!?!? We were totally not trying to die. We sat for a good hour and a half before packing up and going for food. Food was amazing because we had a great waiter and the most amazing sunset we had ever seen
Our night ended with a night drive back to our hotel and all three of us crashing!!! Best day ever equals best sleep EVER!!!
Tuesday November 8 began with sleeping until 5a. SAY WHAT?!?!?!? Yes y’all your girl slept in… Sort of. I piddled around for a bit before throwing on clothes, fluffing the fro, and heading out for coffee. I stopped at a near by coffee shop and then went to the beach to park my behind in the cove. Great thing about the cove… It’s quiet, has a great view, and you can watch all of the really hot men jog by on their morning workouts. ” HEEEELLLLLOOOO GORGEOUSNESS!!! Nope don’t mind me. I’m just sitting here staring while drinking my coffee and there is NO shame in my game… No shame at all!!” I made a few phone calls, took some pictures, meditated and prayed.
1 hour later Jaye made her way out the beach with breakfast cocktails and 45 minutes later Jana made her way out. From that point on morning sheninaigans was the name of the game.
Morning alcohol turned into ” OHHHHHH LETS GO ZIP LINING!!!!” We all looked at each other and said “HELL YES!!!” Phone calls were made, times were scheduled and it was ON!!!!!!!Jana is all about strategy and planning. She had our bus times and route mapped out within minutes. We finished our cocktails, packed up and ran to our hotel to get ready. Jaye mixed up more drinks and we cleaned those said drinks before leaving the room… I don’t know if you can tell but this has totally been a boozy vacation. We got on the bus and that turned into a fiasco because we ended up being eye witnesses for the bus driver. Like cops were called and everything and we and a few other passengers had to give written statements. What’s hilarious is that we were so damn tipsy and Jaye flat out told the cops ” Hey we can’t be here all day giving statements. Got things to do and paid 145 dollars do to them. We need to go BUT we can leave you our names and numbers and you can call us at any time for that statement. That’s our bus and we need to go!!” Cops were cracking up!!!
It was so epic awesome!!! Jaye and I were the first to raise our hands for every zip!!!! We were so bad that when ever we decided to let others go first, they would look at us like we were nuts!! We were Tooooooo crunk… And a tad tipsy!!!
Zipping led an hour and a half bus ride home which lead to drinking, which lead to cartwheels and laughter in the cove which lead to trying to offer a couple who was fighting some vodka, which led to us meeting an awesome Canadian couple and hanging with them which led to more drinking,drunk calling my mom,tacos,cussing and then glorious sleep. Epic…. HELL YES!!!!
Wednesday morning began with a 4am wake up. An alarm was involved and I was NOT happy when it buzzed. The one day I want to sleep past 4am and I can’t!!! I was in super zombie mode; so I just threw on the clothes and swimsuit from the day before. I managed to work my hair into an Afro puff…sort of. I have A LOT OF HAIR so the struggle was REAL. I packed spare clothes and walked downstairs to catch my uber. My uber driver was THE BOMB!!! Old Hawaiian guy who was born and raised there. He told me all about the 70s and the wonderful concerts that they held in the middle of diamonds head!! My time in the car totally zoomed by!! I didn’t even have time to get car sick!!! I boarded my plane and landed in Kauai around 7ish. Grabbed another cool taxi driver who dropped me at my destination around 730ish. I got there like 2 hours early so they just moved me to earlier float. LET THE RIVER FLOATING BEGIN!!!!
This had to be one of the coolest adventures EVER!!! Our guides we amazing and one of them looked like a young version of THE ROCK!! I may or may not have drooled a little bit. He was super tall, built and hot damn he was GORGEOUS!! So on the way out the the drop off point our guide was giving us some of the history of the plantation and brought up ohana (I think that’s how you spell it). She asked if anyone knew what it meant. Why did my hand shoot up and I blurts out “Ohana means family.” And then together we said ” And family means no one gets left behind” IT WAS FROM LILO AND STITCH!!!! She started laughing and I had to tell her that it was one of my favorite movies. Y’all remember I cried when I thought Stitch had died right??? Go back through the blogs because I wrote about it at some point. ANYWAY let me get back on topic. I spent over 2 hours floating through caves and greenery. I spent over 2 hours in complete relaxation. I spent over two hours doing me!! All I needed was a beer or two. After floating they provided us with a light lunch of sandwiches and chips and for some reason it was the best sandwich and chips EVER!! After lunch we took the bus back to main camp. Those 15 minutes on that bus I was half dead. The sun and lack of sleep hit me like a ton of bricks. My eyes were so damn heavy. When I was finally able to keep them open, my mind would totally check out, completely powered off, shut down, no one home!!! Like my eyes were open but if you looked at me and see that I had meantlly checked off… OFF NOT OUT!! The Windows were open but the light is off and no one is home. Just totally GONE!! HAHAHA!!! I called my cab to get me back to the airport but he was confused why I wanted to go since I had like 3 hours before my flight left. He asked if there was anything I wanted to do and of course you know what I asked… You already know: “Can you take me to get a Shave Ice??” AND HE DID!!!!! OH MAH GAH it was glorious!!!! After my shave ice field trip he took me to the airport. I had like a 2.5 hour wait so I did what anyone else would do… I sat with my body half in half out of the sun so I could stay cool and warm at the same time and called my mom. But I started dozing like 15 minutes into talking to her so I had to end that call and head into the airport. I made it through security and then had to go through another security before getting to my gate. I found a very uncomfortable empty chair, pulled on my hoodie, curled into the best ball I could and PASSED OUT. Mouth open and everything! I woke up in time to get on my plane only to be told 15 minutes after getting on that we had to hop off because they was a leak. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!? We marched off the plane and back into the waiting area. I had some time to blow so I went out and walked around. Came back to the gate but had to scan my bag through security again. I got bored so I walked back out of the gate and went to a little hole in the wall place for food because I was STARVING!!! I grabbed a burger and went back through the tiny security and sat to eat. That burger gave me AAAALLLLLL of my life back!!!it was so damn greasy and it was just EVERYTHING a girl could ask for. After I demolished most of it I realized that I didn’t have my phone charger.SHIT SHIT DOUBLE SHIT!!! I was tired of taking my bag with me and scanning it over and over again through tiny security so I sat it with my food and made a quick run to the bookmark for a cheap charger. I was gone maybe 10 minutes. I get back and there is a rent-a-cop hovering over my bag.
RAC: Ma’am is this your bag ?
RAC: I have to call the cops off!!! **gets on walkie talkie**
RAC: You NEVER LEAVE A BAG!!! Never EVER leave your things!!! They were coming to take your bag!!! NEVER LEAVE IT!!!
Me: Ok sorry. Just went to buy a phone charger. I was tied of carrying it.
RAC: DONT LEAVE YOUR BAG
Me: Got it
Rent-a-cop walks back to his post but keeps his eyes glued to me. I get up to throw away my trash, turn back and Rent-a-cop is GLUED to his Window like the old school garfields that people used to stick to the back windows of their cars. It was like someone threw him and he hit the glass with a cartoonish splat. I couldn’t even leave my bag to throw my damn trash away!!!
Me: Are we done??? Am I getting a ticket??
RAC: DONT LEAVE YOUR BAG
Me: I JUST THREW MY DAMN TRASH AWAY
RAC: They’re watching… Always watching…
Me: **looks up at camera and flashes 2 thumbs up**
I did not get on the plane until after 530p!! That’s my story. Now let’s flash to Jaye and Jana. They woke up and hit the beach with a bang!! Chilling with giant floaties, umbrellas and drinks turned into ” Is that a catamaran?!?!?!?!?” Which turned into “LETS DO IT” They hopped on and shenanigans began. 2 dollar drinks… One ride turned into 2. 2 rides turned into FOUR for Jaye. Jana… Not so much. The sun and cheap Mai Tai’s hit her like a Mack truck and apparently she passed out on the beach in fetal position for about 3 hours. When Jaye got back to her, she was trying to cover up with a blanket that didn’t exist. Jaye wasn’t much better because she doesn’t remember them walking to the room… With all of their floaties, bags and gear!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! Both of them hit the hotel room and died for a few hours. I walk in at close to 7 and the room is pitch black!! Shutters are closed, All lights are off and they are face planted into the beds!!
Jana: Oh mah gah we are dying
Jaye: Khrys if you don’t cut that God damn light off
Me: Jaye… The light is off
Jaye: Oh… **passes back out**
REALLY HEFFAS!?!?!?!? I took a shower and when I came out they were still curled up. I had time to wash and detangle my hair… They were still face planted. Jana got up and we went to Denny’s. Jaye… Did not move.
To say that fun was had by all is a total understatement. It was epic awesome for everyone. They were able to have their fun without me and I was able to do what I had come to Hawaii for in the first place. It’s amazing how things work out. The adventuress don’t stop here though…
How do I begin to describe our Monday? The Best!! You know how long it’s been since I was able to say ” I love Monday!!!” Monday Rocks!!!!” Hold up… I don’t think I have ever said that I really truly loved a Monday. YOOOOOOOO I woke up the other day and damn near screamed “I LOVE YOU MONDAY!!!!” My Monday began with a 4a wake up. Seriously…Jana and I popped up like spring loaded zombies. We put on swimsuits, made coffee, put coffee in mugs,marched ourselves to the beach, and parked in in the sand to watch the sun come up. During this early morning adventure… I had my own adventure called ” Khrys needs a bathroom ASAP.” Kona coffee is amazing however it is also a pipe cleaner for me.Yeeeaaaahhh buddy!! I took off like grease lightning!!!! Like horror movie style. Ya girl was frantic!!! I ran to the public bathroom near by only to FIND THE GATES LOCKED!!! WHAT THE HELL?!?!?! I ran to the hotel near by… Bathroom locked!! LORD JESUS WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!? I’m at the end of my potty rope… Ended up talking to the waiter who hooked me up with the janitor who unlocked the bathroom for me. YES LAWD!!! THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!!!
Lets to go back to the sunrise shall we?? It was amazing!!!! God is the ultimate creator like seriously. The wonder from total darkness to light is just pure magic!!! Jana and I grabbed two chairs, parked them damn near in the water, and called it a damn day.
We sat out there flipping over every 20 minutes like some rotisserie chickens!! Then the unthinkable happened… It down poured. What do you do?!?!?! Go to the convenience store and stock up on snacks, booze and coffee. After chilling for a bit I came up with the brilliant idea to go to the other side of the island to boogie board. Two words… EPIC FAIL!!! It took us 45 minutes to get there by Uber and then it got cold and rained even harder. They weren’t renting boogie boards so we were just standing there. What do you do??? Go get Shave Ice and then TACOS!!! After tacos we hiked to the bus stop and waited for what seemed like an eternity but the bus finally arrived.
After the longest bus ride ever we had just enough time to sit, change clothes, want a nap, snack, and then be presentable before epic easy went down. JAYE ARRIVED!!!! JAYE is PURE energy personified. She is the most amazing life force. When I say Shenanigans commenced… That’s an understatement. You want to know how we celebrated?!?!?!? Walked to the beach, sat in the cove, unloaded all beer and mixed drinks, drank all beer and mixed drinks, laughed, relaxed, talked, laughed and enjoyed the amazingness around us. This was JUST the beginning.