What’s up world?!?!? You still there? You still hanging with me?? Cool. My weekend was a bit of alright. I was a little under the weather. I have no idea what bug is going around but it took me out!!! So this weekend was the end of my fast. What I was praying for actually happened!!! SAY WHAT?!?!? Yes y’all! Ohh I just went real Texan on you right there.HAHA!! There was work done though.God has been working on me. He has been having me check my attitude. I’m nice or at least I think I am BUT I can be petty. You cross me wrong and I can be straight savage and not give two winks about how your feelings are crushed in the end. God has literally been checking me at every corner and I was doing really really good… Until Saturday. Saturday I went there and didn’t really realize my mistake until AFTER I WENT THERE!!! And it was over Facebook over some political crap. A lady close to 70 that I was FB friends with posted something political and I bit the bait. All I can say is that I was really polite but just shouldn’t have said anything to begin with. I really wanted to know how America was going to be made great again because has America ever truly been great. The land was stolen, there was genocide, slavery, wars, famine, segregation… You name it. So I just wanted to know. Weeeeeeelllllllll that pissed some people off. Those said people let me know that they were disappointed in me and my rants. They said promoted racism and violence in my posts and blah blah blah. I could literally hear God saying ” I told you to just SHUT UP but did you listen?? Nooooooo!! Just shut it down now. SHUT.IT.DOWN” So I bowed out by saying ” There’s a lot that can be said so we can just agree to disagree” That wasn’t good enough. And the rants continued so I basically had to delete some people and just tune out. I let the enemy bait me into being petty. I was doing so good and the enemy used an almost 70 year old woman to suck me under!!! DAMN DAMN DAMN!!!! I should have just kept my mouth shut and gone about my happy day. A friend of mine from church told me something ” When people are petty. It has nothing to do with you or even really the situation. It has to do with something inside of them.” So I’m sitting here and it hit me that I get really petty when I need to prove a point. When I feel like my voice isn’t being heard. So I’m learning that not everybody wants to hear my crap. Not everyone thinks the way I think. I get that but I want people to at least try to understand where I’m coming from. Try my shoes on for size, look through my eyes. I’m far from perfect and I don’t have all the answers. Gods working with me on my attitude and I still have a ways to go. I have learned that I am AWESOME at pissing people off. HAHAHA!!! Now don’t get it twisted… I’m still going to post my free thinking pro black thoughts and feelings because guess what IM BLACK AND PROUD OF IT!! So if me loving my blackness and those like me is wrong…well then I will continue to be wrong. I’m working on my attitude but I will not stop loving myself and those like me.
So we have the great orange hype in the White House. I already know how this shit is going to play out soooooo yeh. I have like maybe 10 people that read my blog and may have just lost like 7 of the readers. WHATEVER!!! The guy is an idiot!!! Hell I should have ran for president!!! LOL!!! What really cracks me up are the people that he appointed!!! Carson, DeVos… OH MAH GAH!!! That’s like making me lead surgeon at the top hospital in the country
Hospital Board: Miss Robinson good morning.
Me: Morning!! Hey how’s it going?!?!?
Board: So are you qualified for this position??
Me: Uhhhhhh maybe???
Board: Do you have any experience?
Me: Uhhhhh hmmm… Well I worked on a Pysch unit once for a year and half.
Board: Do you know anything about the human body?
Me: Uhhh it functions??? There’s bones and muscles and a bunch of shit that works together to make things happen.
Board: You have been appointed as lead surgeon. Why??
Me: Because I’m a people person??? Hell I don’t know. Your guess is as good as mine.
This is what it’s like listening to these idiots talk about education and housing!!!! People voted for this!!!! Like actually said “Yes please and thank you” Soooo now I’m going to keep getting my ducks in a row and sit back and watch the show.
Now I’ve started my day not feeling super hot. That’s fine. I’ve had a light breakfast and some coffee. Now I’m sitting here staring at a pile of laundry that looks like the leaning tower of Piza. I’m looking at it expecting it to start talking to me like the plant from Little Shop of Horrors.
That’s why I’m eeeeeeeeeeeeeeasy like Sunday moooooooooorrrrrrrning. What cha know about that Lionel Richie?!?!?!?!? I’m talking the square Afro Lionel Richie. The “Heeeeeellllloooo is it me you’re looking for” Lionel Richie. Anyway my morning started AMAZING!!! I woke up at 8, prayed, mediated and had my morning time with God. My phone buzzed letting me know that I had a “like” on one of my many dating apps. I responded to the dudes “like “and he turned out to be a super weirdo. Like I figured that out after 3 sentences. NOPE. DELETE. NEEEEEEEXT!!! I had to go into prayer again after that fiasco. I made my standard grilled cheese and coffee and decided to be a super kid and watch Angry Birds on Netflix. WINNING!!! Out of nowhere I had to call my mom. What was the first thing out of my mouth????? ” OH MAH GAH GRANDMOTHERS IS CHILLIN SOMEWHERE IN MY ROOM!!!” Now mind you my grandmother passed a few years ago. My mom was like “WHAT?!?!?!?” So I explained ” I was sitting here drinking my coffee and all of a sudden I smelled cigarette smoke. Every time I would take a sip of my coffee I would smell cigarette smoke!!! But when I smell my coffee it doesn’t smell like smoke!!!” For those of you who didn’t know my grandmothers… She made a chain smoker look like a beginner. She was a freaking locomotive!!! Sweet as pie when she wanted to be but smoked like a chimney!!! She also drank her coffee black and STRONG. When I was little she would always pour me a little cup of coffee so I could share my morning with her. So yeh my morning started with a visit from my Grandmothers. Then some super pettiness tried to take away my morning happy again. DAMN IT LET ME WATCH ANGRY BIRDS IN PEACE!!!! I was heated and heard that voice say “go run” so I put on my gear and ran to the park, around the park and walked home. I did a quick arms and legs workout before heading home. While walking through the park I came across the bridge underpass thing that had 3 different entrances and something was like “That’s life” Here’s what I mean. God will hold your hand and walk with you guiding your every move for a while. Helps you over every bridge, every ditch, every turn. Then sometimes he will take you so far and then have you figure out what the next move is. That’s so freaking terrifying!!!! You have a voice guiding you and then it’s like ” Welp your turn to figure it out. I left my beans in the crockpot overnight and need to make sure they aren’t burning. IM OUT!!” Wait what?!?!? What do I do?!?!? Which way?!?!?!? That’s kind of been me in NYC. I get to certain parts and God all of a sudden has to check His cornbread, or the pot roast!!! I’m learning to listen to the lessons that he has taught me along the way so that I know the right direction to go in. And then sometimes when you start moving it seems like it takes FOREVER to reach that final destination!!! WHY LORD?!?!?!?!?! Anyway I’m back home debating what my lunch is going to be because I am STARVING!!!!!
Today started awesome and is ending AWESOME!!! This is going to be short… Maybe?? Or maybe not. We’ll see. Anyway my awesome day started with waking later than planned. The awesome part was I found 1.75 in my pocket. The awesomest thing was I made it to the corner store and had exact change for a super late cup of Gods great energy!!!! See the Lord knew my needs this morning!!! What He did not tell me was that the R train would be totally shut down at my stop. What He did not tell me was that I was going to have to walk to the Barclays center to catch the 2/3 train. Soooo because of this I was now running LATE!!!!! What HE did tell me was that “everything happens for a reason.” So that’s what I repeated to myself over and over and over and over… And over again while marching to the train station in the cold. I caught the train and did the mall granny speed walk to church. I would have ran but I had Gods great energy boost in a cup and I was NOT going to waste it!!! COFFEE IS LIFE PEOPLE!!!! Anyway I get to church in a semi huff because I’m kind of out of breath only to find out that I didn’t need to run or huff because my church crew was just getting in as well. I may or may not have broken out in song and dance at that very moment. Church was amazing!!! I got an amazing word but I think the best part of my morning was talking with everyone at church. I have a small circle of people that I serve with and they are AWESOME!!! I really enjoy laughing, serving, and talking with them. It’s the best!!! After church I said I was going to the gym. I lied. I didn’t go. I came home made not one but TWO grilled cheese sandwiches… And a bag of popcorn. I followed that with a giant bottle of water and a cheesy movie on Netflix. WINNING!!!!! So as I am watching this super cheesy movie, something told me “Go run” It was almost a Forest Gump moment. You remember how he just got up and took off??? I did that… Well I changed into my running gear first and then took off. I ran to the park and then to the arch in front of the park and back. I would have kept going and my body wanted to keep going but common sense said ” Uh no boo boo it’s dark and your black ass is not trying to get kidnapped. REEL IT IT SISTA!!!” Why did the spirit have me just get up and go?!?!? Because I thought I had lost it… The love of running… Not my mind. I hate running on treadmill because I really really like running outside and it’s been forever since my feet have rally hit the pavement for a decent run. It was short, it was sweet and it felt amazing. So guess what I’m doing tomorrow!?!?!?! IM RUNNING!!!!! RUN KHRYS RUN!!!!!!
Let me start by saying God is ALWAYS on time. ALWAYS…A.L.W.A.Y.S. My day was MADE Thursday . Something I had been praying and semi stressing about was taken care of and it MADE MY DAY. YES!!!! Then When I woke up the next morning something really petty tried to suck away my happy. I mean PETTY. I had planned on chilling ALLLLLLLLL morning, but that shit was nixed with a quickness. Whatever… The positive is that it got me up and in the gym since I skipped a few days…OOPS. Anyway things are moving in a wonderful direction and God has been schooling me on my attitude. You know what made yesterday amazing!?!?!?!? GRILLED.CHEESE. Oh yes people a cheap loaf of white bread, butter and cheese that comes wrapped in plastic. BEST.DAY.EVER. I’m on a hella tight budget soooo grilled cheese for DAYS!!!
Let me get back on topic because I got lost in thoughts of grilled cheese. Yesterday’s adulting consisted of getting an ultrasound. No I’m not pregnant!!! I have some issues going on with the ole ovaries and they needed to take a closer look. Well I made my appointment for 2p. I follow the directions that the receptionist gave me and end up on the upper west side. Clearly something is wrong because I’m not seeing a medical building. I call and turns out the office is in Columbus Square… Or circle whatever it is, I was at the wrong FRIGGIN LOCATION!!!! I look at my watch and its 2:11p. SHIT!!!! So I call the office I’m supposed to be at, and at the same time hit the grocery store for my cheap bread and a box of popcorn( budget is TIGHT) I get through and they tell me I can come in at 3!! Thank you Jesus!!!! Looked back at my watch and its 2:20p. I need to catch the train but I also need to buy these items. I go to the register and it comes to 4.98. I have exactly 4 dollars in quarters and had to dig and dig and dig for the rest of the change. For a minute I thought I was going to have to put my popcorn back because I was running out of time BUT GOD!!! Yo I looked in my wallet and had another dollar worth of quarters!!! The struggle is real right now you guys. Ultra real. I paid and hauled ass to the train. I make it to the right location and into the lobby. Now there are ROWS of elevators. They all have this touch screen computer that you touch to put in what floor you are going to. In return it tells you which elevator to get on. I push a button and nothing happens. I run to catch one elevator and miss it. Go to get another one and miss that one too. Security guy tells me to push the button; so I push the only big ass button I see. Weeeeelllllll that was the wheelchair assistance button. The elevator starts talking and counting down until someone is on their way.Security guy is yelling for me to hit the button to turn it off. WHAT BUTTON ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE?!?!?!?!? Every time I touched the computer screen nothing happened. Other people are getting it to work but not me. The little old security guard yelling at me to “Just push the button” got my last nerve and I yelled ” I GET WHAT YOU ARE SAYING BUT SHUT UP ALREADY!!!!! For some reason I can’t get this fucking thing to work and I’m ok with that. Just shut up!!!!” He raised his hands and backed away slowly. Yup I lost my shit for a quick 15 seconds.HAHAHA!! I finally hop on an elevator and I’m in there with this well dressed white guy. So I’m muttering to myself ” Fucking elevators. What happened to just having two buttons to push?? Why is everything so damn complicated?!?” Dude did NOT look up from his phone and he was so damn stiff. I think I scared the shit out of him. If I would have touched his shoulder and said “Excuse me sir” I’m pretty sure he would have died. He was probably praying in his head “Jesus just don’t let her look at me. Please save me from the crazy big haired black woman” HAHAHA!!! I should have screamed “BOO” and followed with manic high pitched laughter. Ohhhh that would have been greatness!! Anyway I get into the office and check in. 5 min later the technician calls me back. I got a regular ultrasound where they rub goop on your belly and look around. It took all of 5 minutes. Afterwards she was like ” now we have to do the vaginal ultrasound” I was “Uuuugh ok. But first can I ask where the restroom is??? I kind of have to pee really bad and don’t want to pee on your table.” She just laughed and nodded. “Yeh I could see your bladder was super full.” I hauled to the restroom and was back out in a jiffy. Basically she was able to look at my ovaries. I have cysts on both ovaries but the right one has like 2 or 3 big cysts. Basically the whole time she’s at crotch level, I’m just talking and we basically clowned the whole time. Hey you gotta do what you gotta do to make an awkward uncomfortable situation not so awkward and uncomfortable. She was done in like 10-15 minutes. It was like the shortest doc appointment ever!!! Awkward doc appointment was then followed by two massive grilled cheese sandwiches at home, sweatpants, old school rap, and cleaning. Cleaning turned into singing, reading and dance breaks because we know my attention span is on a whole other level of short. Why did my day start so serious?? Why was I so mad and flustered? I guess because what I had originally planned for my day was totally turned on its head. I know things happen for a reason though. God reaches you in many ways and yesterday he was telling me to lighten up and relax. Everything is going to get done… Just rest in Him.
What’s up blogosphere?!?!?!? I still have no clue what day I am on. All I know is that today is Wednesday and that God has been speaking to me since Sunday!!! It’s the coolest thing!!! It’s not even a loud voice… Just a whisper in my thoughts. Andi’s words are still speaking to me. So I have a great friend who is a guy. His name is Darren. Darren is the greatest. We met through a Spartan group and keep in touch through text and Facebook. He’s one of the few people I can talk to about Jesus, life and OCR. He has a really dry sense of humor and he is just great. One of the few people that I can call friend. We haven’t talked on the phone in AGES!!! A G E S!!!! Well he called last night and we talked for a really long time. The cool thing was that I did most of the listening… Sort of. He’s one of the few that I don’t tune out. Anyway it was one of the best conversations that I have had in a while. It was all about TRUTH,LOVE AND HEALING!!! Here’s the thing. We haven’t talked in a really long time so I know him calling me was nothing but God. God knows that I have been wavering a little bit. I still have faith and I am still a believer but a lot of stuff that has happened throughout the world lately has had me raising an eyebrow and questioning. I haven’t turned my back but questions have been spinning in my head. Last nights conversation was confirmation that He is still around. That his power is still present. Everyone goes through that time of questioning, and doubt. Some people can agree to disagree with what I believe and that’s ok. I’m ok with that. Anyway that was my night and I thought I should share it.
On a not so serious note: I washed and detangled my hair last night. I mean like FOR REAL DETANGLE. In the shower, condition section by section, brush it and twist and then rinse. Longest shower in the WORLD!!! My curls were so freaking happy that I finally took care of them for once!!! You know what I did after that??? I brushed my hair into two giant curly puffs. Well they were curly when I went to sleep. Now they are just PUFF!!! Yes I’m a grown woman rocking two Afro puffs today and no I don’t care. Why?? Because I ROCKS MY PUFF AND STUFF!!!
So today was a pretty awesome day in the most low key way possible. My entire weekend has been the ultimate low key and I LOVE IT…Maybe a little too much. Anyway today was church. I’ve been meditating but haven’t really felt God move. I’ve heard him tell me to “Shut it ” a few times but that’s it. I tend to run my mouth when pushed. God reaches me in a number of ways. It just depends on how He feels is the best way I’m going to receive it at the given time. It could be through a song, a joke, a commercial or a really horrible holiday movie on Netflix. Look he knows my attention span is short so he has to reach me any way possible when he can. Well today he used my pastor. Andi Andrew!!! Why did I just feel like the announcer on the Price is Right?!?!?!?!? Andi Andrew COOOOOOMMMMMME OOOOOON DOWN!!!!” Whatever I got sidetracked… See short attention span. ANYWAY today God basically said ” Sat down somewhere and listen here” Now Andi is this tiny white ball of amazing energy. She always has a smile and a sarcastic sense of humor. She’s awesome!!! She’s kind of like… Drew Barrymore of Liberty Church. She’s tiny quirky, always smiling and what do you know she kind of favors her too. Whatever… I got sidetracked again. Today she was in my head. Like God had her all up in my koolaid. Let me elaborate.
1. Being patient. Waiting: Now as we all know I am a super patient person… Most of the time… Ok some of the time. Some things I am ok with waiting forever for. Like my better half… Yeh I’m still waiting. But when it comes to other matters I have the patience of a tick. There have been some things that God has basically told me He has under control and to just chill. Me being the pest that I can be am like ” Soooo is it done yet?? Am I getting yet??? Like I know you said you’ve got it but like… When exactly is it coming?? Is it in the next week because I mean…You know.” Yeh I got schooled on that today andGod was like “I TOLD YA!!!”
2. Isolation verses solitude. So I am an introverted extrovert. I am extremely introverted and am totally happy blending into walls and not talking to people… NO PEOPLING!!!! But with friends and some family I am very extroverted. Very hyper and will talk you to death. But for the most part I’m kind of happy living in my head. Well I got schooled on that today and then on top of that my mom told me that I need to live outside of my head a little bit. Yeh yeh yeh God already pushed me about that. Basically he can’t use me if I’m isolated. Isolation is self protection from others where solitudes prepping you for others. I have been turning my solitude into isolation.
3. Tune in. So I can be kind of an a-hole at times. My mom knows and she will tell you. “She’s sweet but she’s an asshole” So Andi basically schooled us on how Jesus listened to EVERYBODY… ER’BODY. I listen until I get annoyed. At that point I tune you out. If you work my nerve then I’m not listening… At all and sometimes it shows one face. I can’t tune out
4. Be in the moment. Be in the now. I tend to want a day, an hour, a week, even a month to end early!!! Needing to get past the suck and move to something new. But when you rush life you miss out on the now. You miss out on what God wants you to experience and see in that moment. At that point of time God could be trying to work through you but you are so focused on trying to move past it that you totally miss it. This basically goes with number 1. I need to stay in the now. I tend to try to rush life. I try to rush moments. “For the present is the point at which time touches eternity”
I’m going to be replaying this in my head for days to come. THANKS ANDI!!!!!!