Well its another year without you. Today is your birthday and you aren’t here to tell us that you are a year younger than what you are supposed to be. We don’t get to hear the words “When I was in big mamas womb…” and then count on your little shaking fingers. Its another year of me not being able to give you flowers and Hershey kisses. Its another year of not being able to scold you about setting your motor chair on high because you knocked all the cabinets off the hinges and dented all the walls. Its another year of not watching you squint as mom combed your hair into your top bun or long silver ponytail. Its another year of not hearing you say “I don’t want to wear my depends because they make my booty look big”Its another year of not hearing your light tinkly laughter. Its another year of not seeing you in your little house dusters. Its another year of not seeing your little gummy smile because you REFUSED to put your teeth in. Its another year of not hearing you say “Oh hell” or give your little flippant eye roll. Its another year without you grandmothers. I can’t hear you, or see you but I catch the smell of your cigarettes at the weirdest times. I can’t hear you or see you but I see you in my dreams sometimes. I can’t feel your hand but I can feel your presence when I am feeling down and out. I don’t cry often but Ive never cried like I did when I lost you and my uncle Allon. I sleep with your little ratty brown blanket( with your cigarette burn in it) at night because it makes me feel close to you. I sleep in Uncle Allon’s pajama pants at night because it makes me feel close to him. Two people who I never wanted to leave… had to go. Its ok. I know it was your time.I know you were beyond tired. It was time. I still miss you like crazy though.