DON’T FART

Alrightee then. So when I had my surgery they told me that they would give me laxatives because the pain meds would stop me up. Weeeellll the laxatives did nothing. I was taking two or three of them two times a day… NOTHING. My mom was like “Take mine. They work!!!” I was popping two or three of them two times a day… NOTHING!!! 6 days of no poop and I started getting worried. So I went to something that I knew would clean the pipes. Yooooooooooo citrate drinks… ENOUGH SAID. Last night there was one thought that went through my head: DON’T. FART!!!! If you fart… Thats GAME OVER!!! Why?? Because after drinking citrate, its not a fart… ITS A SHART!!! You will blow the bottom out of your pants and then have to throw them away.  The word shit is an understatement. Its an avalanche that doesn’t stop. Make sure you as my friends son says “Curtsey flush” HAHAHA. A LOT!!!! Make sure you have plenty of toilet paper and make sure you have a good book because you are going to be there for a minute. Im just saying.

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Moving up

So its been almost a full week since surgery. I went out for a walk the other day and kind of over did it and ended up feeling horrible the next day. Like HORRIBLE!!! Today I got tired of sitting and said “Ok after this hallmark movie we are getting out.” I have been on a Golden Girls and hallmark movie binge… ITS BEEN BAAAAD Y’ALL!!!  So today I graduated… yes y’all I graduated. I moved up from sweatpants… to leggings!!! SAY WHAT!?!?!?! YES!!! I put on leggings and my mom and I went out for a walk. I just needed that fresh air!!! I never knew how much I would miss running and working out until it was freaking forbidden!!! LAWD I want to run so bad but I know that would be instant hurl and pain. But anyway back to leggings. I had to shimmy to get in them but I got them on and it felt GREAT!!! We walked to a tiny shoe store so I could buy some red Adidas or my tiny best friend (The three year old that I nanny) and then we just wandered around (my request… not my moms)

We walked and walked and walked… and walked. The wind was brisk but it felt AMAZING!!! Then we did what  any normal person is supposed to do.. We stopped for 4 donuts!!!!! Donut Plant… has the BEST glazed donuts. I don’t eat their other donuts but I will KILL their glazed. My fancy donuts come from DOUGH!!!  Y’all know me and donuts. Donuts are a life line for me. Donuts are what I have been referring to as “Fried hugs from Jesus”

Now I am back home and chilling because for some reason walking takes the WIND out of me!!! I am still in my leggings and now back to making a scarf every 45 minutes and watching hallmark movies. Can we say WINNING AT LIFE right now??? HAHAHA

I have exactly one more week of lazy bliss. God works with me in weird ways. Ways that only He know will catch my attention. The week leading up to surgery was CRAZY!!!! It was like God was working me up to the BIIIIIG finale. Everything was good Monday and then Tuesday I hacked my finger on a Gosh damn mandolin. Thursday Superman got sick and was sick all day Friday. Late Friday night I caught his virus and threw up all day Saturday. Saturday and Sunday I felt like death and Monday was surgery. God has basically handed me a break from life but He said “Im going to make you work for this since you ONLY listen to me when I make you go through HELL” So I have one more week of sitting my hyper active ass in one spot. I have one more week of Nothing to worry about. I have one more week of being able to binge watch hallmark while having my mom cook me really yummy fried chicken meals. ONE.MORE.WEEK. I gotta make the best of it 😀

What am I Looking For

A few weeks ago I was talking with a friend of mine who I have known for YEARS. We were talking about my dating life… or lack there of and he asked me a question.”What is your type?? Do you even have a type?” That made me think. I do have a type but I have not dated my type. Ive just settled for what I was given. As I have gotten older my type has changed a bit and then I realized… I KNOW MY TYPE: RANDALL!!!

So I have been binge watching “This is Us” Randall is EVERYTHING!!! He is a strong black man who has it together but also has his weaknesses. He is a great husband, brother, son, friend, and father. He’s serious but also funny, athletic, and caring. I could go on and on about this character. Yeh I got all of this from two days of watching every episode of “This is Us”

Is my Randall out there?? I don’t know… I sure hope so.

Healing

Whats up blog world?!?!!? IM BACK!!! Ok so as you all know I had been having some issues with my ovaries. I blogged about it a few months ago. Remember?? That time I was laid out on my bathroom floor and then had to go to the emergency room AAAAALLLL damn day. Yeh that. Ok so yesterday was SURGERY!!! I was good up until the day before. I was joking about it and laughing about it and all that good stuff. Sunday hit and I was FREAKING OUT!!! FREAKING.OUT!!! I kept it cool on the outside but I was having the meltdown of all meltdowns on the inside. I mean I was going to be put under for a few hours… what if they gave me too much and I never woke up?? What if something went wrong and I bled out?!?!?! What if they found something more than cysts?!?!?!?! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Luckily I have some amazing friends and an amazing mom who talked and prayed me off the deep end of panic. So I had to stop eating before midnight Monday. I stopped at 930 Sunday night and when I woke up Monday… Starving is an understatement. I couldn’t eat or drink anything Monday!!!

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We made it to the hospital around noon and made it to the waiting area where I was checked in and told to wait until they called me. So while sitting there, it was dead silence. Some peoples phones were ringing and what not but it was pretty quiet. Sometimes a nurse would come out and call a name and everyone would get super quiet to see if the nurse was calling them. Me being the jackass that I can be waited until it got silent; and in the most MONOTONE voice called out “Buler…Buler…Buler” My mom and I died laughing… Everyone else… Not so much.

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Buler…Buler.BWAHAHAHAHAHA

So we waited for what seemed like FOR-EVER!!! Finally they called me back and  the first thing I said was “God YES!!!!” The nurse busted out laughing!!! So we get back and they give me the basic run down and ask me the basic questions. Then I had to change into my hospital get up. I even got the white knee high compression socks!!! I felt like someones grandmama!! All I needed was the knee length  skirt, blouse and big ass hat. HAHAHA!!! And I got the super amazing blue hair net cover thing. Oh and just as I finished getting into my hospital garb… the finest man EVER walked by. WHY GOD WHY?!?!?! HAHAHA

So anyway they FINALLY say they are ready for me and we all walk back to the operating room. It was like walking to the electric chair!!! We walked in and I saw the table, instruments and and had a mild panic attack. They helped me get on the table and it was time to find a vein for the good  stuff. Ohhhhhh how I wanted the good stuff. PUT.ME.TO.SLEEP.PLEASE!!! So Im laying there on my back with my arms dangling off the table and the tech is thumping my hand trying to get a vein… She can’t find a vein!!! BECAUSE IM DEHYDRATED from no food or drink!! Y’all… she put the needle in but the vein kept moving and then would disappear. I could feel my blood dripping off of my finger tips!!! WHAT.IN.ALL.THE.HELL?!??! I was like “God are you serious?? You are not even going to put me to sleep before you let me bleed out on the table?? I have to be awake for it??” The nurse was trying to keep calm but I heard her tension when asking for gauze.  The anesthesiologist came in and took over. He gave me some laughing gas to plump up my veins and so I wouldn’t be so uncomfortable. IT WORKED!!! She found a vein and then they gave me oxygen while pumping my veins with happy sleepy juice and that was IT!!! Next thing I know, Im FREEZING and nurses are talking over me to make sure I’m ok and warm enough. I was shivering like a dog shitting a peach seed so they WRAPPED me in warm blankets from head to toe. I looked like ET!!!  My pain started to kick and I did what every normal person does while going back to sleep… I held my breath. Well that didn’t go well with the computer monitors because they started beeping and my nurse had to run in to tell me to breathe. HAHAHA!!! She gave me some meds and I was in and out of sleep dreaming about food. Burritos to be exact.  I don’t know why because what I really wanted was a burger. I had some cool nurses and amazing docs. Even the student docs were cool. I got a private room for a while because of my amazing personality and I was polite…. They didn’t say that but I know I won them over. I was able to sip some apple juice with crushed ice while snacking on saltines and gram crackers. WINNING!!! I pretended those crackers were my burger. FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY around 9 ish they told me I could leave. My super awesome nurse went over what I needed to do and what not to do, I signed some papers for my discharge and it was time to bounce… or in my case roll out.   We called an uber and we were OUT!

The uber…Super nice guy. SUPER. The other drivers on the road… Not so much. My life flashed before my eyes a good 5 times. It was bad. Poor guy. I was starving though and my mom and I got hims to stop at shake shack for us. He stopped, we got food and got him a shake.  We also gave him a tip when he dropped us off at the house. Doctors said not to eat anything fried and to take it easy on food. I SCARFED a burger and fries and a bottle of water and half a bottle of gatorade. I watched more of This is us and then passed smooth out.  SLEEP WONDERMOUS SLEEP!!!

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Waking up!!! Its was FLIPPIN FREEZING in my room

 

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Time to go home

Today is Tuesday and a day of being sore and trying to rest… but my sofa arrived so I had to put it together… LOVE IT!!! My mom stood it up though. I just… put it together and now Im curled up on my couch while typing my hospital shenanigans and watching Ghostbusters

Humbled

So Friday I flew to Houston. I popped two Advil PM’s about an hour before the flight so I was good and sleepy for boarding. I lasted maybe 2 minutes of the safety demo before it was lights out. Not just any lights either… Zipped my hoodie up to my nose and pulled my hat over my eyes. GAME. OVER!!!

So maybe half way through the flight we hit turbulence. Not just any turbulence but the MOTHER of all!!! My chocolate life flashed behind my closed eyes and I woke(eyes still closed) to say a really long prayer. I just knew I was DONE!! I had that “So this is how Im going out Lord??” moments. I prayed that the rain would stop enough for me to race the following day. IT DID… Sort of. There was a steady drizzle that would not let up.

Saturday morning I woke earlier than  I was supposed to and then had the breakfast of champs while in full race gear. I drove to the race venue and the rain got a little heavier… but it wasn’t cold so I didnt care!!! IMG_3480When I run I run for a reason. I have a cause. I run for Black Lives Matter. Im black and my life matters. I run for the lives lost. I run for the innocent lives taken. I run for those who were not given a chance.  I will always run for BLM and I will never change that. I got out there and give everything that I have for those who can’t. I went out there PUMPED the hell up. I had my earbuds in blasting Hamilton Mixtape. I was in full gear and I was READY!!! I checked everything in, cut on my camera and said “LETS DO THIS!!!” I hit the first wall and my feet slipped from under me. SHIT!!! I’m going to die on this course!!! That was my thought. I normally have no problems with walls. I have this technique where I use my freakishly long legs to get over every wall… It didnt work this time!!! I was being taken down a peg at every turn. The air was thick with humidity, everything was slick with thick mud. There were no traction, no grip… NOTHING!!! I didnt stop though. I pushed myself.  failed four obstacles! Thats 120 freaking burpees!!! Do you know how long its been since I have had to do more than 60 burpees?!?!?!?! I failed monkey bars which I never fail. I failed some new wall thing. I failed spear throw… Now I actually nailed it but it fell out. Talk about PISSED OFF!!! I also failed the rig. I nailed everything else though. I thought rope was going to give me some issues but I made it up with no problems. The only problem was trying to get down without getting rope burn on my legs. I have never been so happy to see a fire pit in my life!!! Oh it was greatness!!! Yesterday humbled me and my OCR game. It took me down a few notches and I am ok with that because anybody can get comfortable and cocky. God has a way of saying  “Hold up heffa… Let me put you in check really fast.” He put me in check. I DID finish in a faster time than last year. I clocked 1:38. I was number 300 something out of over 800 women!!! SAY WHAT?!?!?!? Thats grease lightning in my book!!!

After the race I hung out with an old friend who I haven’t seen in almost 10 years. We laughed, talked shit, and it was amazing. Then I showered… And got all of the crap off of me and met up with a friend from my running group. That resulted in more laughs, and light hearted conversation about everything from racing, to politics, to farting… when its not really a fart. I crashed around midnight and woke up this morning with a purpose… SHIPLEY DONUTS!!! I found my donut haven

I got to hang out with another old friend and have an amazing time  before heading out to the airport. My body you guys… my body hurts like it has never hurt before. I think every muscle that I have is rebelling against me right now. It hurt to lift my arms going through TSA. It hurt to hobble away. It hurt to take my shoes off and on. It hurts to breathe!!! Lord Jesus  give my body some rest. I just popped two Advil PMs because I am looking to zip this hoodie back up and sleep the entire flight. I am sitting in the very back of the plane of a full flight. I don’t want to be bothered.

What a Day

Sunday Funday!!!! First let me start by saying that it took everything in me to wake up this morning. I hit my snooze button 5 or 6 times. I actually had conversations with myself “Do I need to comb my hair?? Naaw Im doing a bun. I can sleep.” “Clothes are laid out already…snoozing” “I slept in my socks so I can snooze again.” “Am I wearing makeup today?? Just eye liner I can snooze again.” “Do I really need to make coffee?? Ehh I can get a cup on the way to church” I hit my snooze after every question. I finally got up and got going only for the train to be running late which made me late. Me hitting my snooze had NOTHING to do with me being late today. HAHAHA!!! I received an amazing word today. Andi basically Molly whopped me with a good word today. It was basically God calling me out on not being social how I said I would be. Not interacting with people and isolating myself in my really great apartment. HA!! In my defense though I haven’t been feeling all that hot so I totally felt the need to keep it low key. Come April I will be better I promise. ANYWAY  I left church and hit the gym. YOOOOOOO my gym time today was so awesome!!! I lasted 20 minutes and 3 miles on the elliptical machine!!! YES!!! You know what got me through that?? Hamilton Mixtape!! OH.MAH.GAH  keeping the beat and the lyrics had me in a zone that made me grease lightning!!! I could have totally lasted longer but my brain kicked in and said “Im bored. Lets do weights” I worked legs and abs today  which means Im going to be super sore tomorrow. Gym was followed by chillin, hair washing, and baking. I made my first ever cheesecake and IT IS THE BOMB!!!! I piddled around like I didn’t have to be at work… and then I got the call asking what time I was coming in. That meant I had to stop piddling and get my ass into gear. So heres to an amazing week you guys!!! How was your day??

Just Turn Off

When you mediate and feel your mind, body, and spirit take a giant sigh

This week for me has been weird. My mind, body and spirit have been off. REAAAAAALLLY OFF. Its unsettling to some degree. Today I got off from work, took the train home… wait I hit the grocery store because you know… food. ANYWAY I made it home, prepared the easiest meal ever along with a drink and I sat. Thats right people… I just sat. I then went into my room, laid in the middle of my bed, closed my eyes and lost myself in thoughts of nothing. Next thing I know I opened my eyes and was startled for a moment because I had no clue where I was for that quick moment. I was so lost in meditation that I opened my eyes completely lost. The best part was that I could feel my body, mind and spirit take a giant sigh. Everything relaxed and it was something that I really needed. I am still not people-ing today.

Its ok to stop. Its ok to stop and let your body sigh. Its ok to stop and let your mind sigh. Its ok to turn off and just exist in a world that is called your mind. Its ok to relax and let space fill the voids that are normally consumed with words and thoughts and images. Its ok to just turn off.

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Mustering the last bit of energy to finish my work day
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Made it home and my mind, body and spirit took a giant much needed sigh