Whats up blog world?!?!!? IM BACK!!! Ok so as you all know I had been having some issues with my ovaries. I blogged about it a few months ago. Remember?? That time I was laid out on my bathroom floor and then had to go to the emergency room AAAAALLLL damn day. Yeh that. Ok so yesterday was SURGERY!!! I was good up until the day before. I was joking about it and laughing about it and all that good stuff. Sunday hit and I was FREAKING OUT!!! FREAKING.OUT!!! I kept it cool on the outside but I was having the meltdown of all meltdowns on the inside. I mean I was going to be put under for a few hours… what if they gave me too much and I never woke up?? What if something went wrong and I bled out?!?!?! What if they found something more than cysts?!?!?!?! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Luckily I have some amazing friends and an amazing mom who talked and prayed me off the deep end of panic. So I had to stop eating before midnight Monday. I stopped at 930 Sunday night and when I woke up Monday… Starving is an understatement. I couldn’t eat or drink anything Monday!!!
We made it to the hospital around noon and made it to the waiting area where I was checked in and told to wait until they called me. So while sitting there, it was dead silence. Some peoples phones were ringing and what not but it was pretty quiet. Sometimes a nurse would come out and call a name and everyone would get super quiet to see if the nurse was calling them. Me being the jackass that I can be waited until it got silent; and in the most MONOTONE voice called out “Buler…Buler…Buler” My mom and I died laughing… Everyone else… Not so much.
So we waited for what seemed like FOR-EVER!!! Finally they called me back and the first thing I said was “God YES!!!!” The nurse busted out laughing!!! So we get back and they give me the basic run down and ask me the basic questions. Then I had to change into my hospital get up. I even got the white knee high compression socks!!! I felt like someones grandmama!! All I needed was the knee length skirt, blouse and big ass hat. HAHAHA!!! And I got the super amazing blue hair net cover thing. Oh and just as I finished getting into my hospital garb… the finest man EVER walked by. WHY GOD WHY?!?!?! HAHAHA
So anyway they FINALLY say they are ready for me and we all walk back to the operating room. It was like walking to the electric chair!!! We walked in and I saw the table, instruments and and had a mild panic attack. They helped me get on the table and it was time to find a vein for the good stuff. Ohhhhhh how I wanted the good stuff. PUT.ME.TO.SLEEP.PLEASE!!! So Im laying there on my back with my arms dangling off the table and the tech is thumping my hand trying to get a vein… She can’t find a vein!!! BECAUSE IM DEHYDRATED from no food or drink!! Y’all… she put the needle in but the vein kept moving and then would disappear. I could feel my blood dripping off of my finger tips!!! WHAT.IN.ALL.THE.HELL?!??! I was like “God are you serious?? You are not even going to put me to sleep before you let me bleed out on the table?? I have to be awake for it??” The nurse was trying to keep calm but I heard her tension when asking for gauze. The anesthesiologist came in and took over. He gave me some laughing gas to plump up my veins and so I wouldn’t be so uncomfortable. IT WORKED!!! She found a vein and then they gave me oxygen while pumping my veins with happy sleepy juice and that was IT!!! Next thing I know, Im FREEZING and nurses are talking over me to make sure I’m ok and warm enough. I was shivering like a dog shitting a peach seed so they WRAPPED me in warm blankets from head to toe. I looked like ET!!! My pain started to kick and I did what every normal person does while going back to sleep… I held my breath. Well that didn’t go well with the computer monitors because they started beeping and my nurse had to run in to tell me to breathe. HAHAHA!!! She gave me some meds and I was in and out of sleep dreaming about food. Burritos to be exact. I don’t know why because what I really wanted was a burger. I had some cool nurses and amazing docs. Even the student docs were cool. I got a private room for a while because of my amazing personality and I was polite…. They didn’t say that but I know I won them over. I was able to sip some apple juice with crushed ice while snacking on saltines and gram crackers. WINNING!!! I pretended those crackers were my burger. FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY around 9 ish they told me I could leave. My super awesome nurse went over what I needed to do and what not to do, I signed some papers for my discharge and it was time to bounce… or in my case roll out. We called an uber and we were OUT!
The uber…Super nice guy. SUPER. The other drivers on the road… Not so much. My life flashed before my eyes a good 5 times. It was bad. Poor guy. I was starving though and my mom and I got hims to stop at shake shack for us. He stopped, we got food and got him a shake. We also gave him a tip when he dropped us off at the house. Doctors said not to eat anything fried and to take it easy on food. I SCARFED a burger and fries and a bottle of water and half a bottle of gatorade. I watched more of This is us and then passed smooth out. SLEEP WONDERMOUS SLEEP!!!
Today is Tuesday and a day of being sore and trying to rest… but my sofa arrived so I had to put it together… LOVE IT!!! My mom stood it up though. I just… put it together and now Im curled up on my couch while typing my hospital shenanigans and watching Ghostbusters