This weekend was amazing for me. AMAZING!!! Friday I straight CHILLED!!! I twisted my hair and used rollers and watched movies and drank!!! I can’t even remember if I ate a meal!!! HAHAHA!! Saturday starts with coffee, Golden Girls, and a LOT of bacon. It was then followed by an awesome meet up with my community group. How awesome to talk about race, religion and politics and nobody left with a busted face!!! Saturday night was a toss up between being social or staying home and basically sitting in my mind. I decided to be social. Being social included going to an awesome concert with some friends from church. One of the best concerts I have been to in a long time. Like Sho Baraka ranked up there with Esperanza Spalding. It was that good!!! Sunday was a day of love for me. I’ll explain later if I have time. I got a lot of revelation this weekend. How?? Let me explain.
1. people are always so surprised when I explain that I am very introverted. I have no problem keeping to myself and leaving the world behind. I have no problem living in my thoughts and imagination. No problem at all. I am extroverted with those that I know but for the most part Im pretty happy keeping to myself. Sometimes I have a really snarky smart ass sense of humor(sometimes means ALL THE TIME) and will tell anyone ” I do not like people.” In a way it’s the truth. I do not have many friends and I am uncomfortable in large groups of people. I can like you and not like you at the same time. Does that make sense?? So allllllllll weekend I have been thinking about this. Why am I like this?? Why do I say this about myself? Why is it the first thing that I tell people? Here is my conclusion. Me liking to be by myself and telling people right off the bat “I do not like people” is a way to protect myself from getting hurt or from hurting others. It is a way for me to not get attached. I feel like I lose everything that I attach myself to so why waste the time?? God is working with me on this. Writing about it and putting it out there is a huge help because I am not holding it in. Im admitting it. Now I just have to continue to work on it. Because even though I want to meet my Mr. Right… I’m setting myself up to NOT meet him. I am basically putting it out in the universe that I want to be alone. In all honesty I do not want to be alone. I don’t want to be watching reruns of Golden Girls for the rest of my days!!!
2. One of the things that me and a friend talked about was how horrible I am with saving money. I AM HORRIBLE!! You know how fat my savings account should be?? It should be STACKED!!! I should be sitting pretty. Im not. Why?? Whats the root of this?? Dig Khrys Dig. Every big ass bonus that I have gotten has basically gone to a moving. I have moved like 4 times in less that 3 years. First last and deposit for apartments here are a MUTHA F*&^*#(% Im just saying. But thats not the sole reason. I start off great!!! I get a huge chunk saved and then for some reason I have to dig into it… I calculated wrong and came up short somewhere when trying to budget and had to dig. Well when you dig once… you do it again and again and again. I also have this thing of feeling left out. I wasn’t a super social child and wasn’t included in a lot of stuff that my friends or what other kids got to do. Im like this 35 year old kid making up for lost time. Basically have the “Screw it you only live once” mentality… and there goes that chunk of money. I’m trying to fix this too!!
3. Love… Love love love!!! Love is something that everyone wants to experience. This weekend was LOVE for me. The tiny groups of people in my life… LOVE… all love. That little hard thug shell that I have around myself is slowly peeling away. Why?? Because of love. Its not easy. I’m not giving up my thug shell without a fight BUT the layers are SLOWLY peeling away. The man that is able to break through or reach me when that last layer is gone is going to be ONE LUCKY MAN!!! I have a lot to offer the world around me and one day I won’t be afraid. One day…