Love/Hate/Love

Hey Uncle Danny. We didn’t have the TIGHTEST of relationships. But that didn’t mean that you were not family to me. You gave me my first cup of coffee. I was maybe 5?? You didn’t give me much but we were both up at an ungodly hour: Me because… well… What kid do you know that sleeps past 6a?? As for you?? There is no telling what you were into. You didn’t talk much but sitting in silence seemed to be ok. Your room was right next to Grandmothers room so it was easy for me to bug you from time to time if you were in a good mood. Most of the time you were kind of grouchy but for some reason that didn’t faze me.  You cooked A LOT and always came up with the nastiest combinations but they always smelled AMAZING!!! “Yeh… uhhhh I mixed some left over baked beans and that cabbage from yesterday. Threw in some fried corn and a 7up.” THE FUCK?!?!?! The one thing that I did eat was your fried potatoes. For some reason you, Uncle David and Uncle Jimmy made the BEST damn potatoes. They were always LOADED with black pepper and garlic salt and fried to perfection!!!! I remember when I was about 7 you were in your room and I came in to bug you. You were listening to music and relaxing. I sat in a chair next your bed and out of nowhere you said you needed a haircut. Your fro was always HUGE!! Well in my 7 year old mind I totally knew what I was doing and said “I can cut it. I know how.” I mean I had cut Barbie’s hair a number of times so how hard could it be?? You handed me house scissors and told me to cut your hair!!! WHO DOES THAT?!?!?!? Well I cut it… and left you looking like all my barbie rejects… Sorry. You didn’t care though. You just shrugged, told me to stop and went back to chilling and smoking. When I was about 11 you were in one of your manic moods and went on a rampage.I don’t think you understand how scared I was. That was the first time I saw my grandmother pull her pistol on someone and lock me in her room. There was so much damage and fear that the neighbors had to pull me out of grandmothers bedroom window. I remember trying to squeeze under Grandmothers bed when I heard you beating on the door. I couldn’t fit under because the bed was too low. But by that time a neighbor talked me into opening the window and pulled me out. That day. That very day I remember thinking “I HATE YOU.” I carried that hate for a really long time. When I was 14 I got into my first and last fight… and it was with you. You were being disrespectful to mommy and Grandmothers and I was NOT having it. I think that was the first time mom and Grandmothers heard me lose my shit. We cussed each other smooth out for like 10 minutes (Not a proud moment). I was scared but didn’t want to look like a punk. You raised your fist and I reacted. I got you before you got me and from that day forward you had nothing but mad respect for me… But I still HATED you. It wasn’t you that I hated but your anger. You were always so angry and I didn’t know why. In my world everyone shit rainbows and glitter and I couldn’t figure out why you didn’t. It wasn’t until my 20s that I forgave you. I don’t remember the day but I got tired of carrying the anger and hate and said “Im done. I forgive you” The thing is that I never told you that but tried to show it in my actions… even though they weren’t much. You helped take care of Grandmothers. Everyone and I mean EVERYONE knew who you were. You were the tiny man that picked up cans all day and night. You were the man that talked man conspiracy theories (Which all came to be true) You were the one that had a distinctive talk and laugh. You stayed in your head a lot… and I guess thats where I get in from. Mom says that I remind her of you sometimes when I go on my PRO BLACK conspiracy theory rants. You know what I say?? “DAMN RIGHT!!! HE WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG!!!!” I got to see you one last time before you decided it was time. You didn’t say much and told me you weren’t really good for company. I didn’t care though. I just wanted you to know that I was there. You were cranky but I didn’t think anything of it because you have always been cranky. Well exactly one week later you said you had had enough. I ran my last spartan race knowing that you were going soon. I was selfish though. I wanted you to hang on for a bit longer so I could make it back home from work to say bye. Unlike everyone else that I went… I had the chance to say goodbye before you left. I got to see you in a somewhat good place before you left. I didn’t have that chance with everyone else. I hate that you are gone but I’m ok with it. All you ever wanted was your own place and now… you finally have it. Im happy you are finally at peace. There is no more anger and frustration… only peace now. Rest now Uncle Danny. I know you will pay me a visit at some point just like Uncle Allon and Grandmothers do. Love you Uncle Danny. See ya when I see ya.

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Author: singleinbrooklynblog

I am a 30 something year old woman living in Brooklyn NY. I am originally from Dallas TX but do not see myself moving back any time in the near future. I have a love for all food especially when it can be delivered to my apartment. I love running OCR even though I am the slowest person out there. I have a short attention span (why NY is the ideal place for me). I am silly, sarcastic, optimistic, easy going and fun. I am also very single and I must say that I am enjoying my Single In Brooklyn life.

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