This Is How a Heart Breaks

My way of grieving is through writing. I have cried more in the past 12 hours than I have cried in years. I’ve now lost two uncles in the span of 2 months. My heart broke when I lost my Uncle Allon and Grandmothers. Learning that my Uncle Jeff passed just totally shattered it. You guys my Uncle Jeff was and always will be everything to me. Always. No one can or ever will fill the space thats been left. No one can compare. He has been my everything from day one. I was and always will be his “Sweetie Sweetie” and his “Khrystal Rhea Khrys” ALWAYS. When I was little we used to lay in his room and watch TV. While watching TV he would reach over and pop my fingers and toes. I HATED it but for some reason he found it hilarious. When it was my birthday he would always guess the wrong age just because he liked to see me worked up. He gave me EVERYTHING and by everything I mean :Food, love and hugs. He would let me sit curled into his big burly body forever. One time he let me roll out with him to go see his friends. We were rolling the champagne Buick!!! I was 6 or 7 I think… anyway I was excited because I got to sit in front and Everything.  We talked and saw his friends and I remember telling him. “Uncle Jeff.I watched the peckerwood show today!!!” He stopped at a light, turned to me and with his awesome laugh said “Whooooa. Don’t say that baby ok. You watched woody woodpecker. Never say peckerwood ok.” I nodded and said ok. Hell I didn’t know I had just used a word to describe white people. I was just repeating something I had heard him use a thousand times. Sometimes he would lay around with no shirt on and we would watch TV together and I remember thinking “You have really big nipples” To a kid that was mind boggling to see a man with big nipples. HAHAHAHA!!! See this is stupid shit that I remember but God its EVERYTHING to me. When I was 11 or 12 he tried to teach me how to play dominoes but him and his friends would get frustrated because I counted really slow. HAHAHA!!! You ever see a group of old black men try to wait for a kid to finish counting the dots to make a move?? They were NOT used to being slowed down. HAHA!!  Uncle Jeff had the BEST laugh and smile. When he laughed it was like it bubbled all the way from his toes. He had a voice that was rich and put you in your place when needed. His smile and laugh never changed even with age.Uncle Jeff was my #1 cheerleader. No matter where I went or what I did, he always let me know the I had his full support. Everyone knew him as Rang Eye. Some called him Jeff. It wasn’t until I was like 10 that I realized his name was Thomas. I always thought it was strange for someone to name their child Jeff Jefferson. **shrugs** To me he was just my Uncle Jeff. As I sit here a hot mess of snot and tears I know you are now ok. You are now at peace resting and watching over everyone you loved.I wanted you to be with me forever. I can’t say that I didn’t see it coming. That weird 6th sense that I have… yeh. I could feel it looming. When mom sent me a text to call her, I knew I was already too late before she even said the words “Uncle Jeff passed” I will do everything that I can to make you proud of me. I love you Uncle Jeff. Your Khrystal Rhea Khrys forever and ever.


Author: singleinbrooklynblog

I am a 30 something year old woman living in Brooklyn NY. I am originally from Dallas TX but do not see myself moving back any time in the near future. I have a love for all food especially when it can be delivered to my apartment. I love running OCR even though I am the slowest person out there. I have a short attention span (why NY is the ideal place for me). I am silly, sarcastic, optimistic, easy going and fun. I am also very single and I must say that I am enjoying my Single In Brooklyn life.

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