Sunday at 430p started my vacation. Man to say that I need this vacation is an understatement. I have been in a social rut. I have had no energy to do anything. Soooo yes I need this zany vacation and damn it I EARNED all three weeks of the awesome shenanigans that’s about to go down. My original plan was to go somewhere with a beach. Then as the time came closer I was like “You know what?? Lets just have some fun in the states.” I booked my plane ticket to DFW early. Just one way though. 3 days ago I sat at the kitchen counter at work and thought “If I’m really going to do this. I gotta do it now. No turning back Khrys. Just do it. GO FOR IT!!!” I looked at my computer screen and booked my one way ticket to Colorado and then a one way ticket to Vegas. SOLO travel adventure buddy. The great thing is that I have friends in all of my destinations and they are just as crazy as I am.
Alright Monday June 18th I woke up at the ASS CRACK of dawn. I mean seriously. There wasn’t even a crack just the full ass of dawn. 230a wake up is the ass of dawn. I put on my standard flying attire which consists of :rolled up sweatpants, t-shirt, zip up hoodie and running shoes. My hair is always twisted under a scarf and ball cap and I make sure to wear makeup and earrings so:1. I don’t look like a total dude and 2. The hottest most amazing chocolate man in the world might cross my path at any time. STAY READY PEOPLE!!! Stay ready!
So I make it to the airport and through security. I sit at the gate for 15 min or so and then the gate agent arrives. This wasn’t your regular run of the mill gate agent. He looked like it but when he picked up that intercom… baby it was TOTALLY unexpected and he gave me AAAAAALLLL of my life back at 5 in the morning. HAHAHA!!! The seating area is PACKED and we hear “Ladies and gentlemen welcome to gate 1 for flight ____ to Dallas Ft Worth. There has been a gate change. If you are flying to Dallas you are now at gate D5. D5 people. Everyone needs to move to gate D5. D5. Do not come up here asking questions. Go to Gate D5. D as in Dallas and 5 as in 5 Gates away. Im repeating myself so no one comes up to ask questions about where to go.” I laughed all the way to D5. Everyone walks down to the new gate and he comes back on the intercom. “Welcome to gate D5 for flight ____ going to Dallas Fort Worth. This is a full flight. FUUULLLL. F-U-L-L FULL. Please do not come up asking for upgrades or seat changes because its not happening. Again this is a FULL flight.” I took out my earbuds because his announcements were way better than my music choices for that moment. They were asking people to check their bags because the flight was so full. Myself and a few other people walked up to volunteer our bags. The lady in front of me was going to grab one of those paper bag tags and then agent looked at her and pushed his lips out and gave her side eye while saying: “Why are you doing that? Honey don’t do that. Everything that they need to know is right here on this barcode. Your name, phone number, flight info. Its all on that barcode. Your zodiac, and ring size are included. They have everything they need mmmmk?” I COULD.NOT.STOP.LAUGHING. Since the flight was full that means I got the middle seat. Uuugggh I hate the middle seat but its not like I really had a choice in the matter. Now normally when I get middle seat, I always end up sitting next to someone who is super chatty. So I always put on my “don’t talk to me gear: zipping my hoodie up to my nose and pulling the hood over. Its like automatic repellent!!!! WORKS EVERY.TIME. Another thing that I do is pop two Benadryl which guarantees automatic sleep for 90% of the flight. 3 hours later I woke up to “Flight attendants prepare for landing” YAAAAS!!!” As soon as we landed I was up and ready to get the show on the road. Had a nice 3 hour nap so I was totally energized. Made it off the plane, waited and grabbed my checked bag and headed to car rental. I hopped in my tiny blue rental and hit the road. WAIT!!!! WAIT!!! I had to make pit stop for FOOD!!! Chick Fil A for the win. That chicken biscuit with double hash browns and orange juice hit the spot. So now I have my car, food in my belly and OutKast station on Pandora BLASTING. All of that combined means I spaced out for 45 minutes and missed my damn exit!!! I didnt notice until I started seeing things that didn’t look like what I normally pass when going down 35! SHIT!!!! I had to make a U-Turn and retrace my steps. I finally got back on the right path and it was ON!!!! Sun is shinning, music is BOMB, windows are down… and the cops are out… SHIT!!! I drove past one and I wasn’t going too fast over the speed limit but we all know that in this day… It doesn’t matter. Im always on edge when I pass cops. He pulled out after I drove by so I was like “DOUBLE SHIT ON A STICK!!!” I slowed down and changed lanes but he drove past me. Sooooo I put the pedal back down, hit cruise control and KEPT IT MOVING!!!! An hour and a half later I had to pull over at a gas station because I was getting sleepy. 5 hour energy drink to the rescue!!!! I made it to my friend Chip’s house in good time and hot damn was it a beautiful drive pulling in.
Chip made it home shortly after and the fun began. Chip has known me since I was like 9 or 10. He’s originally my moms friend and he grew to be my friend along the way. Its guaranteed FUN and laughter when he’s around and it started immediately!!! First order of service was hugs followed by “Here I got you a giant oatmeal chocolate chip cookie that has peanut butter in there too. ENJOY HONEY!!!” You don’t have to tell me twice!!! But that was followed by “Are you in the mood for a snow cone?? There is a place that makes New Orleans style snow balls and I want to try it out.” Like I’m going to turn down a cup of ice covered with flavored sugar water!!! LEAD THE WAY!!!! Y’all. This snow cone was LIFE!!! Do you hear me?? L.I.F.E!! I got one size down from the mammoth and DEMOLISHED IT!!! While eating our massive snow cones, Chip took me to Pennybacker Bridge which gives you a GORGEOUS view of Austin!!!!!!
After killing our snow cones we made it back to the house and both of us CRASHED!!! We had a quick sugar high and then our bodies said “And thats it for now” I passed out across the couch for about an hour and then woke up totally refreshed. I showered, Chip plugged in Janet Jacksons “Velvet Rope” Album and it was jam session while getting ready for a fun night of Drag bingo!!!!!
Ok so drag bingo was HILARIOUS!!!! We drank a lot, ate some great food and won nothing at bingo. There was the big gorgeous drag queen calling the numbers. There was laughter, jokes and more alcohol.
We made it home slightly buzzed before 10p… and then CRASHED!!! Nothing like being old and drunk. BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Day 1 of vacation reminded me that I might have a tiny circle of people that I hold dear but that tiny circle is all that I need. I do not need to have 3000 friends. I just need a few that really get me, really understand me and that I cut up with. Day 1 was a reminder that I do know how to live and that I am not as dull as I thought I was.