What’s up wonderful people who catch glimpses of my random ramblings and swearing sprees!!!! Top of the mornin to ya… Well actually it’s night time now. I just wanted to say “Top of the morning to ya” so that I could feel fancy for a quick minute. ANYWAY I just got back from my world wind trip to Dallas. Its always a joy to visit home. There is only reason why I go home every October. Can you guess?? I went to run a race. The Spartan Beast. This makes year 4 for me. Just like EVERY race that I have done; a few miles in I found myself saying “WHY THE FUCK DID I SIGN UP FOR THIS AGAIN?!?!?!?!” Yeh. Which is why this is titled: Why?? Why do I do this?!?!?!?!
Friday morning I got everything done at work and was able to leave crazy early to catch my 1220 flight to good ole DFW!!!
The pictures above showcase my standard flight gear: Hoodie, beanie, and sweat pants(not shown). I have to be comfortable when I fly. There is nothing more annoying than being stuck in a tiny seat, in a tiny capsule, and feeling like you can’t move. Uuuuugggghhh!!! Anyway I boarded the plane , got comfortable and then we rolled out of the gate. So here is something that I discovered when I turned 30: I GET MOTION SICKNESS!!! I can’t sit in the back seat of a car without wanting to upchuck at some point. So when the plane is sitting idle and it just does that rumbly thing where you are moving but not moving… My brain and stomach don’t like that. So I did the only thing I know how to do to keep from blowing the contents of my stomach out for everyone to see: I went to sleep. Y’all I hit a good hard sleep. The sleep where you are resting on your hand and your arm keep slipping off the arm rest but you are so tired that you just lift your head back up every time it falls. Yeh. I think I may have even drooled a bit. I just knew that I had slept at least half the flight away. Captain came on the intercom; “blah blah blah blah blah blah. We have another 2 hours and 15 minutes to go so sit back and blah blah blah blah blah” What the hell?!?!?! 2 hours and 15 minutes?!?!?! Hold up… You mean to tell me that I was only sleep for like 30-45 minutes?!?!?! Are you shitting me?? I wanted to bang my head on my tray table.
What the crap was I going to do for 2 hours and 15 minutes?? I played puzzle games on my phone, worked on a story that’s been in the works for MONTHS now, twiddled my thumbs, went to the bathroom a few times, turned on my music, tried to see what the lady next to me was working on(she looked fancy), twiddled my thumbs some more and even dozed back off for a few minutes. About an hour before landing my head started to POUND!!! Why?? Then it hit me… I WAS STARVING!!! One of the first places I hit when I make it home is CHICK FIL-A!!! It’s the waffle fries and lemonade yo!! As soon as the plane landed I googled where the chick fil-a was at terminal E. E6!!! Chick Fil-A is at E6 if any of you needed to know. As soon as they let us off the plane, I made a bee line for E6 and SPRINTED!!! There was no line and I ordered not one but TWO chicken sandwich meals. I demolished my fries, sandwich and lemonade in under 10 minutes. By the time I made it to the car rental place, I was working on my second order of fries. It was a 20 minute commute to my parents house and my food was GONE!!! ALL OF IT!!! Yes… I was hungry and no I am not ashamed of inhaling my food. It was soooo good. I made it home and chilled with my mom and aunt for a bit until the little sandman started sprinkling sleepy dust over me. I knew that I needed to be up early for the race so there was no argument with me crashing early.
Alright 530am came fast and I was READY TO GO. I threw on all of my racing gear, packed my backpack and hydration pack, did my standard race day eye makeup and went to pick up 2 very important things.
- All of the donuts that a person could dream of along with a GIANT cup of coffee
- My best friend Nicole who is my best friend/racing buddy
When Nicole and I get together there is always going to be a lot of laughter, dance breaks at every turn, food and alcohol. NEVER FAILS. She is my bestest running buddy because we both have really shitty attitudes when running these races. Attitudes on a scale of 1-10; 1 being the worst and 10 being the best… We both sit at like -20. It wasn’t just us for this race though. We added a third member to the crew. Elise who is now known as Easy E. Easy E is 14 and by far the SWEETEST SOUL in LIFE!!! She won’t even say the word “Shoot” because it’s close to the word “Shit” Do you know what I was saying at 14?? Yeh I was a seasoned sailor by then. Nicole and I warned her about our attitudes and she gave us her biggest and brightest smile while saying “BRING IT!!!”
So as we know every race that I have ever run… It’s been for black lives. EVERY.RACE. Every race is dedicated to someone who was killed by a racist human being. This race I dedicated to Maurice and Vicky. They were two older black people shot and killed by a white supremacist in Kentucky. I smiled because their smile was taken. Their life was taken and their families devastated because of racist turd of a human being decided their life was not worth living.
Alright. So we all got to looking around and all said “This is going to SUCK!!! Everything is MUD!!!” We stretched, went to the start line, said a quick prayer and it was time to MOVE!!! You guys it was 15 FREAKING MILES of the thickest damn mud IN LIFE!!!! It would suck the shoes off of your feet if you didn’t have them laced up correctly. It was so gross and I am pretty sure there was shit mixed in with a lot of it **threw up in my mouth a lil bit** It was miserable. We were already sick of the race after mile 1 and we had 14 MORE TO GO!!! We helped one another through it all though. We tried to keep a chirpy attitude. We tried to stay positive but it just wasn’t possible at around mile 10. The course layout was awful. It was freaking 15 miles and AAAAAALLLLLLL of the obstacles were jam packed into the last 2 miles of the race!! WHAT?!?!?! WHY?!?!?! Somewhere along the way we ran into a cool guy( Can’t remember his name) who was on his second lap because he was running the ultra. He walked and trotted with us because like us, he was totally over the race. Easy E… God bless her sweet soul. She tried to keep it chirpy but but even her mood started to turn after mile 10. She kept a smile but it wasn’t as bright as when we first started. Every once in a while I would look back and she looked so damn sad!!! Her face said “Why am I still out here in this crap?!?!?! Who said this was a great idea?? This was a stupid idea!!! I just want to go home!!!” All of that was written on her face. She did say ” I just want to see my mommy” more than once towards the end. My speaker died after mile 3 and so I just cranked the volume on my phone up but that died like 2 hours before we finished the race!! Moods just went all the way STANK!!
So fast forward through the muck and water crossing and we hit the last two miles of the race. TWO of the suckiest miles in life because EVERY FREAKING OBSTACLE was jam packed into those last two miles. Two miles of wanting to give up on life. Two miles of praying no one crosses you wrong because you can not be held responsible for what harm you cause them. Two miles of nothing but cuss words… from me and Nicole of course. Easy E just dealt with it. HAHAHA!!! So in the last two miles of craptastic running we hit the rig. The rig is a series of rings followed by a vertical pipe and another series of rings. I.KILLED.THE.RIG!! I nailed it like it was the easiest shit ever(don’t ask how because I don’t know.)
Well the bell was really high and I couldn’t get the momentum I needed to swing my body and reach it. I dropped and the volunteer looked at me and said “You have to ring the bell or you have to do burpees” Y’all… That was THE.WRONG.THING.TO.SAY. to me at that time. My exact words were “FUCK THAT!!! I finished the got damn rig!!!I did it!! I’m done!! Fuck you and those burpees!! I’m not fucking doing burpees!!!” She looked at me like I had lost my mind. I was PISSED and my team and I walked smooth off!! LMBO!!! We all killed Tire flip. and the plate drag. Nicole looked at that plate and I could see her shoulders drop. She was done like 10 miles ago. I was like “You got this!!!” I told her to picture the one person that works her ever loving nerve and said “Yeh that plate… Is that person. DRAG THAT BITCH!!!!” Nicole turned into the incredible freaking hulk!!! 4 pulls and Nicole was done!!! There was a bunch of other stuff for us to do and we did what we could. We made it to the slip wall which was the end of the race and there was a line for days. We all looked at each other and said “NOPE” and walked around it like all the other people that were over the race. After slip wall was the holy grail. THE END OF THE RACE!!! THE FIRE PIT!!!! Nicole did her Stewart jump and walked around it. Easy E made her jump and then I made mine.
WE DID IT!!! We got our medals and that was a wrap!!! 7 hours and some minutes later we FINISHED!!! We showered, changed and headed home. Or wait a minute first we had to find the car. It took us like 20 minutes to find our car. We had plans to go to our fav Mexican restaurant for drinks but our bodies were not feeling that so after we found our car, we ate ALL of the donuts that were left from the morning, drove the hour back home, went and bought the makings for micheladas and made it to my parents house. Do you know what awaited us?? Ribs and Salvadoran Cole Slaw baby!!! Me and Nicole did NOT come up for air.
So as we ate, my right ring finger decided to cramp. WHAT?!?!?! No matter how many times I would unfold it… It would crinkle right back up. It hurt so damn bad!!! So I had to eat with my hand pressed against my lap. We could not stop laughing. My hands were killing me but I could not stop laughing!!! We ate all of the food and drank all of the micheladas. Mom and I fixed Nicole a to-go plate and took her home. I had to shower. Y’all I had mud in places that would make you raise an eyebrow!!! I washed my hair and half way through shampooing… My fingers cramped up. I was throwing gang signs while shampooing my hair!!! WHAT THE HELL?!?!?! Do you know how hard it is to wash and condition your THICK ASS MASS OF HAIR with just ONE hand?!?!?!?! My mom walked in and do you know what she did?? SHE LAUGHED!!! There was no “Hey let me help with your hair.” Just belly laughs. THANKS MOM!!!!
After my shower, I crashed. I had to crash starfish style though because anything other than straight as a board or starfish resulted in full body cramp ups. My sleep was not peaceful at all.
I woke up Sunday morning praying that my daddy would make me rolls… Yeh that didn’t happen. I was able to twist my hair and chill and even take a nap before having to head back out to the airport. My body was cursing me and was saying “I’m two seconds from giving up on you homey”
I do this every year. Every year I throw my body around and push the ULITIMATE limits of what I think it can handle. Every year I HATE the race that I am running but EVERY FREAKING YEAR I sign up for it. Every year I say “I am never doing this shit again” After this Dallas race guess what I said… “FUCK THIS SHIT!!! Im NEVER running this one again!!!” And guess what?? I’m already trying to plan my schedule to run again in 2019.
CHEERS TO 2019 RUNNING SEASON!!!!!!