Super Woman

OHHHHH MAAAAAAH GAAAAAAAAH! My 2 days off so far have ROCKED… for the most part. Even though I am off, I’m still tuned into work because I hear any and everything that goes on in this house and sometimes I have to step in. Other than that my adventures have been WONDERMOUS!!!! My last off days here have been spent doing stuff that I never EVER thought I would do. Yesterday I ventured out and did paddle board yoga!!! Uhhh can we say AHHHHHH-MAZING!!!!! It was so much fun and such a great workout. I only fell off my board once and that was doing tree pose.  I did burpees, jumps, downward dog(think thats what they are called) chaturangas, even did a tripod without eating the board and water!!!!

Today though… TODAY. TO-MUTHA-FREAKIN_DAY Y’ALL… I SURFED!!!!! I was scared shitless but I did it!!! I did a few run throughs on the beach and my instructor was like “Dude you are fine. This will be easy for you. Lets go.” I was like “You sure??” He said “Nothing to it but to do it.” So he helped me paddle out and we waited for my first wave. My nerves were going and I just knew it was going to be disaster. He was like “Ok. Here it comes. Im going to push you and tell you when to go ok?” I was like “Ok.” The wave rolled in,he pushed and screamed “NOW… GO!!!!!” I pushed to standing, froze and then over I went. Water went over me and I came up… CRACKING UP!!!! I hopped on my board, paddled back out and did it OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER again!!! I actually surfed you guys!!!! Like I got up and cruised on top of water more than once!!! One time I made it to shore and was paddling back out when a giant wave caught me and flipped me over board and all. Not once but twice!!! As soon as I got came up for air and got back on my board the second wave rolled through and took me out again. HAHAHAHA!!! My instructor was like “Most people hate that but you came up laughing.” I was like “DUDE I LOVED IT!!!!” I went back and forth on the water catching as many waves as I could. It was the coolest thing I have EVER experienced. At one point I was like “HOLY CRAP!!! Im kind of walking on water!!!”

I accomplished two things I NEVER in my life thought I would do and I feel like gosh damn Wonder Woman do you hear me??? No one can tell me SHIT right now!!! I feel like a beast!!! Now I know tomorrow when I wake up my body is going to be singing a different tune but I could care less right now. There is nothing like KILLING what you thought was impossible. There is no greater accomplishment then KILLING one of your biggest fears. I have a fear of going too far out in open water…especially if I can’t see bottom. I could NOT see the bottom today. I have no clue what was swimming around my feet.I have no idea what was crawling in the sand that I was walking in. I have no idea what was in the water but I surfed and swam in the wide unknown and it was AMAZING and FREEING. I was able to let go of EVERYTHING for an hour and a half. For an hour and a half I was flying and guess what…. I’m doing it again tomorrow.

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IM OFF… Time to Ponder The Universe!!!

LAWD JESUS IM OFF!!!! I thought I was going to have a sleep in… Didn’t happen. Im not tripping though because IM OFF!!!! Im going to spend my day doing paddle board yoga, eating and zoning out and maybe some shopping. I hate shopping though. When I say shopping that means I walked into a place and came across something that I liked… which means it was a bag. That means its still there and that Im going back to that exact store, to that exact spot and grabbing that exact bag.  I hate shopping. Tomorrow I want to try surfing but I also want to go to Martha’s Vinyard because I have never been and should probably check it out at some point. Decisions decisions. I am now sitting in a coffee shop full of white people who are randomly staring at me while trying to look like they aren’t staring at me.

You ever have those days were you wonder why you are where you are?? I know this is a complete shift but IM OFF so I have time to ponder the universe and God. I promise Im not high… Not going to lie though, I have had days where I wish I were. But seriously I have been like “Why am I here?? Why was I created?? Why would I be brought into this crap called “the world” Am I really making a difference?? Am I really producing change??  Am I touching lives and leaving a positive impact?? Is it even really about me?? Or is someone supposed to make a difference in my life?? But then Ive still made it all about me?   So basically if is you thats supposed to make a difference or someone thats supposed to make a difference in your life… Its still about you. Which makes all of us really freaking selfish on some level.

YES YES YES

You would think with the title that I was getting laid… I’m not. However I am OFF FROM WORK!!! YES.GOD!!! I know every week I say “This has been the longest week of my life” but THIS WEEK HERE… has been JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL PLEASE!!! I am off through Friday, work Saturday, Sunday and then Im off the following week. THE.WHOLE.DAMN.WEEK. I will be back in NYC, in my apartment, in my silence, in my space, in my happiness!!! YES LAWD!!! There will be no one calling me every 5 minutes. There will be no tantrums. There will be no shit. There will be no crying. There will be no wooooo saaaaaaawing. Its going to be me myself and I. Like I could bust out in the whop right now… I’m THAT excited!!! KIKI NEEDS A BREAK!!! I need to turn completely off!!! OFF!!! Like I don’t want to answer my phone, email or ANYTHING for a week. I want to go off grid!!! Mid week I will emerge and do some fun things but I know I’m not doing ANYTHING for a good 3 days!! The only things catching AAAALLLLLL of my attention during this time will be sleep, meditating, sleep, tv, sleep, donuts, sleep… Did I mention sleep already?? The thought of sleeping with NO interruptions or worry is damn near orgasmic. YES YES YES!!!!

Tomorrow I am starting with sleeping until at least 7 and then its off to Paddle board yoga. I Love paddle boarding. Im starting to like yoga… So why not combine the two??

Thursday is going to consist of me and a surf board… I think. I forgot to book the lesson but I will call tomorrow to see if I can get it set up.

Friday I am hoping to chill and bike around the island, shop, eat, chill, drink, chill, and chill.

I work Saturday and Sunday and then Monday is the beginning of FREEDOM!!!

CRAP DAY!!!

So today yo… I can’t even describe today. I will cut it short by saying it was a LONG FREAKING DAY!!! Anyway the end of my day was CRAP!!! And I am not figuratively speaking. So we all know that I am a nanny. Well I was giving the youngest kiddo a bath. She’s 18 months.  She is splashing and playing. I am making bubbles with soap and my hands and she’s laughing. Well she laughed so hard at one point that she farted. Well that made bubbles in the water and a funny noise which made her laugh harder. Well a few minutes go by and she is trying to make booty bubbles again.  I looked away to get more bath soap for bubbles when I looked down and almost died. It was like something out of the movie Alien. Homegirl SHIT… IN THE TUB!!! I saw what she had for breakfast lunch and dinner ooze out of her ass and float to the top of the bathwater like some kind of alien blob of crap being born from the mother ship. OHHHHH MAAAAAAH GAHHHH!  I screamed which scared the poor child and she must of clenched the butt cheeks because the alien making factory was shut down. THANK GOD!!! Y’all… I had to rewash her, and then hand her off to grandparents so I could disinfect the bathtub. I gagged the 20 minutes it took me to get everything cleaned. Now I have been a nanny for a while. Ive been puked on, shit on, cleaned shit, sneezed on, had boogers stuck to me… YOU NAME IT!!! Ive seen it all. But this… today?? I about died right there on the spot!!!

Do I Have To??

Soooo lately its been hard for me to find stuff to write about. So the past few months my mom has noticed that I have been talking more and more about settling down, getting married and having my own family. SHUT YOUR FACE!!! SAY WHAT?!?!?!?! YES!!! I didn’t realize how much I was bringing it up until my mom pointed it out. “Yooooo you’ve been throwing those words around a lot Khrys. You good??” OHHHHH MAH GAAAAH you’re right!!!! Whats happening to me?? I think its seeing everyone else in a relationship. And being a nanny I see how I want to raise my kids and how I DON’T want to raise them. I don’t know. I look around and I’m like “Ok Khrys. You’re 36 honey bun… Get your SHIT together!!!” But does anyone really have their shit together?? I mean really??? Someone might have all their money in order but  be totally jacked up in the head. They might be totally sane but be terrible with money. Uggggh why is adulting so hard?!?!?!?!?! Who invented this??? Who lied and said being an adult was awesome?? Huh?? WHO?!?!?! IM 36!!! According to my18 year old self Im supposed to be married in a giant house with two GIANT LAZY Great Danes!!! Im supposed  to be in the medical field with a high paying job and blah blah blah. NONE of that has happened. NONE!!!! The only goal that I reached on that goal list is: Live in NYC. THATS IT!!! Im not a doctor or in the medical field.( Turns out Im not wired to retain all of that info. However I can remember random facts about ducks…THE HELL?!??!?!?!) Im not married. Hell Im not even dating. I don’t have my Great Danes (STILL WANT THEM THOUGH).I don’t have a big house. Instead I have a TINY apartment at the bottom of someones house. My rent however is what a giant house mortgage would be. Whats the deal??? I think the issue lies in one particular spot. My mom tells me “God you’re such a smart ass.” Thats code for  “You are such an asshole” I CAN’T HELP IT!!! I do not know how to people. What is peopling?? Why do I have to people?? So since I don’t know how to interact with others, I get irritated and then the sarcastic asshole makes an appearance and there is nothing I can do about it. Im totally ok being on the outside looking in. I LOVE LOVE LOVE watching others interact. I can picture in my head what I am supposed to do but when it comes to actually doing it… its a total cluster crap. **Face palm** I don’t think that Im ugly. I LOVE my awkward quirky self. I maybe kind of sort of have my shit together. I can be funny  and I like adventure and travel. I would like to think that I am a good catch. I just have to work on not being an asshole. That means I have be ok with sharing all things donuts, alcohol, blankets and pillows and self. **heavy sigh** I think Im ready y’all. IMG_5380

Quiet

Whats up fellow bloggers?!?!?!?!?! Im baaaaaack. Its been a world wind month/ month and a half. Work has been keeping me busy and I just haven’t really had anything to talk about. I take that back. I have had a SHIT ton to talk about I just didn’t know how to say it all. It was a lot. A.LOT!!! Ive been going non stop which means my mind has been in constant go go go mode. We landed in Nantucket and I got a whopping 4 days off. The past 4 days I have been determined to find QUIET. Its kind of hard when there is constant noise. Its also hard when you are that person with a really short attention span. Im used to my mind jumping from one subject to another. When things are too quiet for me, I start to get nervous. Its weird don’t ask.Quiet for me is plugging in my ear buds and listening to whatever I am in the mood for. Quiet for me is day dreaming about what could be and what I want or whereI want to be. Thats quiet for me. BUT I have been DETERMINED to figure out how to just sit in silence. Day before yesterday I ran the 1.67 miles to the beach… In the fog… by myself. I ran and then when I reached the beach I took out my earbuds and just sat. The only sounds were the waves hitting the shore. There were no voices… Only the sounds of God’s creations. I criss crossed my legs, closed my eyes and proceeded to try to find my quiet place. It took a hot minute. I get wigged out when things are too still or too quiet but I turned off my over active brain and focused… On silence. Yooooooo I FOUND IT!!!! I was able to tune out and center myself for I don’t know how long. It could’ve been 10 minutes… It could have been 30 minutes. All I know is that I was able to do it. OH MAH GAH it was amazing!!!! I tried to do it again today but there was too much going on around me. Tomorrow is my last day off so Im going to try to wake up early for another run to the beach so I can absorb the stillness.

 

OAN: Did you guys start singing the Bjork version of “Its ohhhh so Quiet… shhhhhh shhhhhh” BWAHAHAHAH I totally did.  Im a cornball like that.

Random Thoughts

– I don’t know. At times I feel like I’m being swallowed. Pretty sure it’s my own doing.

– Exhausted. I gotta change everything cause my energy is all wonky.

– Walking through Paddington Station I stopped and asked a lady for directions. She stopped mid sentence ” You’re either American or African. You are beautiful!!! Your skin is AMAZING” I have been a little depressed so that kind of made my day. Love when melanated women from all over the world show mad love to one another.

– Feeling great but slightly rushed . It’s ok though. I’m still able to relax a bit. Breakfast alone @ a place called Megan’s, drinking coffee while surrounded by Botox inflated unity white people. I’ve gotten a few stares. Don’t hate me because my natural black is beautiful 🙂 

– That moment when your wireless earbuds give up on life for the day so you are then forced to listen to the world around you… when you don’t want to.

– When you like your silence… but your silence is creating your own world with your own music pumping through your earbuds for the soundtrack. That’s not really silence is it?

– When something up close seems so big but when you step away it’s really quite small in the grand scheme of life.