Day 5 of Silliness

The vacation is still ticking people!!! WOOHOOO!!! Can’t believe I have over 2 whole weeks left of relaxation and freedom and free thinking. I swear I haven’t been this relaxed in AGES!!! We are on Day 5 and it was AMAZEBALLS!!!!! Whenever I am with my family, there is no adventure going on. There is a whole lot of eating, drinking and trying to meet up with ALL the old friends. Yesterday I didn’t meet up with anyone BUT we did have a grand old time eating and drinking… A lot.

The day started with breaking the toilet. That was a really shitty situation… no pun intended. HAHAHAHA!!! I tried to fix it but apparently I wasn’t doing too hot of a job so mom had to step in with the big guns and fix it. Nothing like blue poopy water to start the day off right. After everything was cleaned, disinfected, washed, bleached, lysoled, scrubbed, and disinfected again; everyone had to shower because you  can’t do anything after dealing that shit. Everyone got cleaned up and had apparently worked up an appetite because bacon is cooking in the oven, coffee is in the coffee pot and potatoes are being fried on the stove. Mom is prancing through the house with her high heels on. This is what she does  when no one is home. She cleans and cooks with the music blasting and wearing the highest heels that she owns. Kool n the Gang is blasting through the TV and then she changed it to Pit Bull. **Face Palm** I wish I would have taken pictures because there was a lot of dancing and singing involved.

Me, my mom, and Aunt sat around for a few hours trying to figure out what to do for the day. I had to return my rental car but other than that… the day was free. Mom followed me to the airport to return the car and then we got the bright idea to have our own little three person house party. WINNING!!!! We stopped at a tiny Spanish market and loaded up on all the Corn on the Cob, avocados, Mexican cheese and and a lot of other goodies. We had 6 bags of food and only spent 30 dollars. SAY WHAT!!?!?!?!?? That would have been AT LEAST 150 dollars worth of stuff in NYC. Moving on!!!! We left the market and headed to the liquor store. We bought bourbon, tequila, beer and all the makings for AWESOME margaritas and micheladas.

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We purchased AAAAALLL of the alcohol now for the foolery to begin!!!

We unload everything and its “Khrys you are in charge” Uhhh ok. That means I am automatically in a zone because I have a visual of what I want to happen, how everything is going to look, and what its going to be. MOVE OUT THE WAY BETTY!!!! I set up shop and got to work. Corn was wrapped in foil and put in the oven, shrimp was soaking, and avocados were being chopped to make an awesome light salad. I mixed a quick lemon dressing to drizzle over the top. Then I prepped everything for the Elotes. MAAAAAN HOLD UP!!! HOLD…UUUUUUP! Lets take moment  of praise for Elotes. **church faint**

Y’all. I found a recipe that would make you slap yo grandmama!!!! It was 1/4 cup of mayo.1/4 cup of cream. cilantro, squeeze of lime, two giant cloves of minced garlic, and the Mexican cheese mixed in(I didn’t measure that… because ITS CHEESE!!! There is never too much) LAWD LAWD LAWD!!!!! So while food is being prepared mom does what she does best… MAKES DRINKS!!!! She’s mixing up margaritas, my aunt Esther is laughing at all of the madness and we are ALL enjoying ourselves because ITS FRIDAY and thats what you do on vacation!!!! I seasoned the shrimp and just sautéed them in a pan. The salad was ready and the corn was ready for assembly. We grabbed our plates, our drinks and moved to the table to DEMOLISH the blessings that had been laid before us. We ate.it.all.

The drinks were strong and the food was good. There was nothing but jokes, laughter and happiness. My cousin Corey came over to hang out for a bit and that was NON STOP FOOLERY right there. My cousin is a NUT!!!! I actually laid on the kitchen floor at one point because I was laughing that hard. When he left, we were bored again but mom had the bright idea to play card games. Weeeelllll my parents don’t have that type of house where people go to play games and hang out. We piled into my aunts car and went to Walgreens and loaded up on Uno, Password, and some other kind of goofy game.  We left Walgreens and headed to Daisy’s snow cone because I HAD to have a snow cone. I got the massive one and I ATE IT ALL!!!! We got back home and are LOCKED OUT!!! None of us had keys to the garage door or front door. Well damn it!!! Spartan training came into play because I had to scale my parents window to  climb and open the fence. I was able to use my credit card to pop the bottom lock on the back door but couldn’t budge the top lock. Well mom found a key and said “Lets see if this works.” 5 minutes later she opens the front door from the inside and is like “THANK GOD!!! From here on out NO ONE leaves this house without keys!!!!!” We got in, bras came off and pajamas were put on and more drinks were made. We sat around the kitchen table for two hours playing Uno and Password. My mom and aunt are HELLA COMPETITIVE!!! I NEVER saw it coming!!! Uno will turn you into a totally different person!!! LMBO!!! So anyway we quit uno to play Password and the hilarity continued. At one point I was like “Its green, it looks like a dinosaur but its not a dinosaur…” “My aunt screams out “UNICORN!!!” **Blank stare** “Esther that looks like a horse not a dinosaur.” Then out of nowhere my mom goes “Oooh oooh a dinocorn!!!!” **blank stare** WHAT THE FUCK IS A DINOCORN?!?!?!?! I could NOT stop laughing!!!! I was like “It breathes fire!!!!” and my aunt was able to yell “DRAGON!!!!” “Y’all I’m the wrong person to be giving out clues or maybe I am the right person because I was coming up with all kinds of stuff “”They say you cant turn this person into a housewife” “A HOE!!!!”  “Something that Uncle Allon always had” “JOINT”

Yesterday was a day of non stop laughter. It was a day of what I really needed. It was a day of family time. Just hanging out and being stupid. 3 introverts having the time of their lives eating, drinking and playing stupid card and word games. Its all I needed for a great day!!!

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Day 4 Home Away From Home

DAY 4 arrived and I couldn’t have asked for more. Day 4 began family time. My family is kind of weird. Im not close with my entire family. **shrugs** I’m really close with my mom so I am always with her. I’m close to my dad but in a silent  no words needed kind of way. I’m close with my aunt and some of my cousins but that about sums it up. I have never seen a problem with it. Every family dynamic is different.  This is what works for my family. ANYWAY… Day 4 started with a decent wake up and a need to run an errand. 630a I was out the door and on my way to the bank. I was still dressed in my pajamas, my hair wasn’t combed, teeth were not brushed and I still had eye boogers. There was no shame in my morning game… NONE!!! I finished my bank errand and then drove back across town to get to my parents house but of course I’m like “I need to go to CVS”  It’s not that I need anything. It’s just that “I THINK I NEED” somethings… Like hair products. I always leave a shit ton of hair products at my parents house because every time I come home I swear I’m missing something when I’m really not. Well this time I couldn’t remember if I had hair cream. So I drive to CVS and for some reason I spaced out. I was listening to Common so I was probably creating my own music video in my head to “So Far To Go” ft D’Angelo. Yeh Im pretty sure I was having my own music video in my head. Well I kind of didn’t see the curb in front of me in the parking lot AND DROVE OVER the damn thing. SHIIIIIIIIT Shit double shit on a stick!!!! I park, get out and Im like “Cool I didn’t kill the car. I didn’t. THANK GOD!!! Anyway I walk up and CVS is closed!!! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!?! I could have swore CVS was a 24 hour mart. WRONG!!! So I drove over a curb for nothing!!!! So that meant getting back in the car and heading to Walgreens. Now I already know when I go into Walgreens that I am grabbing more than what I originally came for. I went in for hair cream. I came out with hair cream, Murrays, face wash mask stuff and moisturizer. I get to my parents house and realize that I needed NONE OF THIS because its already there from the last 5 times I was home!!!! Whatever. The first thing mom says is “Why Khrys??? You already have like 3 of these here.” My response is always “I didn’t look but would rather have more than what I need than get home and not having what I need and then have to go back out when I really don’t want to. My plan when arriving home is always “HIT OKLAHOMA FOR CASINO” ALWAYS!!!

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Sooooo my mom, my aunt and I piled into my tiny rental and we rolled out to the Casino. We had no game plan. We each had a small pocket of change, and we split up like the cast of Oceans 11 on a mission. None of us won anything but man did we have fun. I like to play on machines that light up and sing to me. The machine has to call to me. HAHAHAHAHA!!! We lost our money and then said “Lets go eat” When leaving the casino it is ALWAYS mandatory for us to grab drinks and Tex Mex. There is always ALWAYS a ton of laughter and shit talking. Mom and I talk mad shit. My aunt just sits back and cracks up. Mom drove us home but first we had to make a stop… for a snow cone. Why??? BECAUSE I WANTED ONE!!! We went to what used to be Snow Hut. Snow hut is not the same you guys. The quality of snow cone is not like it used to be. Snow hut was THE SHIT back in the day. Anyway I ordered my snow cone but not just any snow cone. I ordered a large because it didnt look too ginormous in the display. Y’all… When she finished and handed me that snow cone… MY. MOUTH.DROPPED. It was GARGANTUAN!!!! It was like the DONKEY KONG of snow cones and I dug in with no shame. We made it home and I changed to my pajamas and watched Queer Eye season two while eating half of my snow cone. I gave the other half to my mom and she polished it off.

That was my day 4. It wasn’t a day filled with adventure but it was a day of fun none the less. It was time time spent laughing and enjoying myself with those important to me. You kind of forget what that is in the chaotic pace of life. You forget the little things that make you smile. Some need these super grand gestures to be happy when all you really need are a few people in your circle to drink and have a few laughs with. Day four is a reminder to let go of the big shit and just enjoy the little moments. When work and life start to overwhelm me, I just need to center myself and remember that life is more than work and sleep( basically what my life has boiled down to) I spend so much time taking care of others that by the time it comes to me I have no energy or desire to take care of myself. That my friends has to change.

Day 3 of Amazingness

Its day 3 bitches!!!! How did I start the day?? By waking up at 330a again because I had to pee but this time I said “Screw this. Im holding it.” and went back to sleep. 530a hit and my bladder was like “Naw heffa its time to MOVE or you are going to be laying in a big ass wet spot.” So my official wake up time was 530a.  What do you do at 530a besides pee?? You write. Or at least thats what I do. I woke up and let my words take over. God thats such an amazing feeling. Waking up with no responsibility to any one else and letting your words shape a story to be told. God I wish I could do this for a living… One day I will be able to. UNTIL THEN Im going to live this vacation life to MAX and tell you all about it.

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Big hair and my black elements shirt courtesy of Lee’s tees. 

Alright so back to day 3. Chip woke about an hour later and we got the day started with coffee, Janet Jackson Rhythm Nation and a many dance breaks. I fluffed my hair, put on a pair of shorts (that are now a tad snug…oops) and t-shirt and said “IM READY” Alright day 1 was drag bingo. Day 2 was 48 oz of margarita and roller skating. How could we possibly top all of that awesomeness??? ZIPLINE ADVENTURES thats how!!!! WE could have walked to the place because it was just that close to their house but we were being lazy asses and drove the 1 minute and 30 seconds to get there. HAHAHA!!! The weather wasn’t looking too bleak. It was cloudy and at times there was drizzle but thats about it. We met our zip guides and the rest of the people in our group. A mother and daughter duo and then a father and son duo completed our group of 6. We had to introduce ourselves and tell something interesting. Now you all know that I can be slightly judgmental and 97% of the time my instincts are SPOT ON. Well the mom in the group look sour as hell. She didn’t smile and she was so GOSH DAMN MONOTONE!!! I already knew she was going to get on my nerves just by opening her mouth and hot damn she did NOT disappoint. The father and son were cool. Me and Chip were the crazy ones. We were the two cracking up at everything and making dirty jokes because damn it thats just how we roll.

So we get briefed and then we all pile into the van that takes us to a boat that takes us to zip island or at least I think thats what it was called. We get to zip island and they walk us through getting geared up.  They told us that it was like 15 pounds of gear that we were trekking in. Thats cool with me. They supplied us with all the water in the world and we were SET!

There were like 5 lines that we zipped down and they were all AMAZING!!! The views of Lake Travis were out of this world!!! I laughed NONSTOP!!! Chips shrieking during take offs had me in tears. He CAME IN LIKE A WRREEEEEEKING BAAAAALLLLLLLL! We were out there for like 3 hours. I wish I could post the video footage but I didn’t pay for the upgraded WordPress package. HAHA!!! So you guys just get pics of my goofy faces and some of the views.

Oh and it was hard as hell getting that little orange hat over my hair!!! Anyway we zipped and zipped and hiked and zipped. I Couldn’t have asked for a better ending to my Austin adventure. After that adventure I changed and then headed out to my parents house in Arlington. Thats like a 3 hour drive BUT I had to get one last snow cone before hitting the road. I made it to Sweet Carolines and IT WAS CLOSED!!! **clutch the pearls** CLOSED Y’ALL!! So then of course I went on google to find another place that could possibly be just as good. I drove around for 30 minutes and found NOTHING!!! So I stopped and grabbed a fast breakfast and then hit 35 North!!! I was making excellent time until I hit Waco. Then I pulled over and googled “Shaved ice” Found a place and tacked  an extra 20 minutes on because it was a little out of the way BUT TOTALLY WORTH IT!!!! I got back on 35 with my GIANT cup of artificially flavored ice and was then stuck in STAND STILL TRAFFIC for over an hour!!!! Well shit on a stick!!!! N.E.R.D “lemon” and Outkast on Pandora radio kept me going. I sang and rapped NON STOP!!! Finally when traffic started moving I put the pedal to the medal and cruised all the way to Arlington. I then proceeded to sort of unpack, shower, chit chat for 5 minutes and then crash before 8p. Body SHUT THE HELL DOWN!!! BWHAHAHAHA!!!

Day three was a day of release. There is nothing like flying 30 miles an hour down a wire over a beautiful lake. Its like letting go of all of the bullshit that surrounds you daily and just letting God hold you suspended in mid air. Its freaking FREEING!!!!  You can’t help but to smile!!! Day 3 was a reminder to just let go sometimes. Be free. Let the wind and sunshine smack you in the face and ENJOY IT!!! Let Mother Earth recharge you!!! And that is EXACTLY what day 3 did for me.

Day 2

Whats up good people of the blogging world?!?!??!?!?!? Day two of awesome sauce vacation started with me waking at 330a. Why in the actual hell would someone wake up at 330a??? Well… I had to pee. I had to get up and turn on the light so I could see the toilet. Once that happened it was game over. Ugggh I mean who wakes up that early on vacation??? Apparently me. Whatever. Around 845 I got a move on. Chip made us coffee before he went to work so now all I needed to do was find some grub!!!! Y’all know me and food go hand n’ hand.3n+pBcAFTvCeZdFfPehc8Q

So I headed to a spot called Snooze. Some people in my black travel group recommended it. They did NOT steer me wrong.

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Massive hash brown mountain from God

I ordered some kind of massive hash brown dish. You pick your three toppings. I chose bacon cheese and avocado and then they top it with an egg. Y’all… I mean the only  way to describe how awesome it was; is to tell you that God himself hopped in the kitchen and prepared it for me and sprinkled it with a dash of awesome and a pinch of “slap somebody” It was THAT GOOD!!!! Will I go back?? HECK YES!!!! I also had a fresh glass of orange juice and a michelada. MAGIC!!!!!! After breakfast I HAD to go visit my friend Courtney. We met while working at Children’s Medical Center in Dallas. Our smart ass mouths and dry humor are what made us two peas in a pod. We have been tight since ’06. I walked in and was immediately engulfed in a hug and three little faces popped up from around the corner and said “Want to play trains with us??” HECK YEH!!! LETS GO!!! Her boys ran me upstairs and we parked it and played trains and watched mine craft. Ok so I have heard all about this game but I don’t understand it.  They were trying to explain it to me but I was so lost. I was also kind of sleepy and would doze off with my eyes still open a few times. Courtney was finishing up a conference call. I talked and laughed with her amazing boys until she finished. Talking and hanging with Courtney always makes me happy. ALWAYS!! And I always hate when I have to leave!! We talk about EVERYTHING and laugh about a bunch of stuff that we should not be laughing at but leave it to us to find the humor in it.  After leaving Courtney’s I knew I needed to make an important stop… to Sweet Carolines for another snow cone. Mind you its pouring down rain but WHO CARES?!?!?!

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Giant cup of happiness

After getting back to the house I chilled for a bit until Chip made it back home from work. He cranked up the music and we had a mini dance party while drinking wine and laughing hysterically.  “Khrys lets do the chicken and waffle place… They have a 48 ounce margarita.” “You had me at 48 ounce margarita.” “And then we can go rollerskating.” “SOLD!!!!!” Im such an easy date you guys. Ply me with food and alcohol + rollerskating= happy Khrys!!! So we hit up this place called Wild Chix. The decor was AMAZING and strange all at the same time!!! We ordered the chicken and waffles, the waffle fry nachos and 48 ounces of margarita. We split everything because there was no way we could kill two of each. We parked our butts in the pillow section and did not budge until it was time to go. The food was so good. The chicken was seasoned all the way through. The batter on the chicken was super crispy and good even though it was just a little too salty.  The nacho fries… LIFE!!!! The margarita… Y’all it was happiness in a glass and we drank it all!!!

Were we drunk?? A lil bit. Were we full?? Yup. Did we giggle?? NON STOP.

Ok lets fast forward a little bit. We hit the rollerskating rink!! It was adult night and it was MAGIC!!! I was transported back to my elementary and jr high days at BIG WHEEL. Big Wheel was the roller rink in Arlington that ER’BODY hung out at on the weekends. It was like being in a gosh damn time warp!! The same clunky ass brown skates with the heavy ass orange wheels and janky laces. The same waxed wood floor. The same stale ass concession stand. OOOOHHHH MAH GAAAAAAAH!!!!

I have never laughed so hard in my life!!! Between Chip’s squealing and people watching… I was on the verge of peeing my pants a few times. There was a lady with a glitter helmet doing handstand walk overs in the middle of the rink… on skates. There was a guy with spandex shorts and wind shorts over them. He had on every pad you could think of and skated with his feet turned out the entire time. There was the guy that stood in the corner and worked on his Napoleon Dynamite dance moves to a  Ludcris song. Then there was the couple that skated holding hands the entire night in matching t-shirts. It was comedy all night and I couldn’t have asked for a more epic night of fun. It’s so easy to get lost in adulting. It’s so easy to get sucked in and sometimes its hard to get out of it. I’m learning to never lose that fun piece of childhood that lives within. Its  a part of who you are. It takes reliving some of those fun childhood games and activities to realize that sometimes adulting is not all its cracked up to be. Sometimes you just have to let loose and be free.

Day 1 of Awesomeness

Sunday at 430p started my vacation. Man to say that I need this vacation is an understatement. I have been in a social rut. I have had no energy to do anything. Soooo yes I need this zany vacation and damn it I EARNED all three weeks of the awesome shenanigans that’s about to go down. My original plan was to go somewhere with a beach. Then as the time came closer I was like “You know what?? Lets just have some fun in the states.”  I booked my plane ticket to DFW early. Just one way though. 3 days ago I sat at the kitchen counter at work and thought “If I’m really going to do this. I gotta do it now. No turning back Khrys. Just do it. GO FOR IT!!!” I looked at my computer screen and booked my one way ticket to Colorado and then a one way ticket to Vegas. SOLO travel adventure buddy. The great thing is that I have friends in all of my destinations and they are just as crazy as I am.

Alright Monday June 18th I woke up at the ASS CRACK of dawn. I mean seriously. There wasn’t even a crack just the full ass of dawn. 230a wake up is the ass of dawn. I put on my standard flying attire which consists of :rolled up sweatpants, t-shirt, zip up hoodie and running shoes. My hair is always twisted under a scarf and ball cap and I make sure to wear makeup and earrings so:1. I don’t look like a total dude and 2. The hottest most amazing  chocolate man in the world might cross my path at any time. STAY READY PEOPLE!!! Stay ready!

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Typical flight attire: t shirt, zip hoodie, sweat pants and ball cap. Always take flight wearing big hoop earrings and winged eye liner. ALWAYS!!

 

So I make it to the airport and through security. I sit at the gate for 15 min or so and then the gate agent arrives. This wasn’t your regular run of the mill gate agent. He looked like it but when he picked up that intercom… baby it was TOTALLY unexpected and he gave me AAAAAALLLL of my life back at 5 in the morning. HAHAHA!!!  The seating area is PACKED and we hear “Ladies and gentlemen welcome to gate 1 for flight ____ to Dallas Ft Worth. There has been a gate change. If you are flying to Dallas you are now at gate D5. D5 people. Everyone needs to move to gate D5. D5. Do not come up here asking questions. Go to Gate D5. D as in Dallas and 5 as in 5 Gates away.  Im repeating myself so no one comes up to ask questions about where to go.” I laughed all the way to D5. Everyone walks down to the new gate and he comes back on the intercom. “Welcome to gate D5 for flight ____ going to Dallas Fort Worth. This is a full flight. FUUULLLL. F-U-L-L FULL. Please do not come up asking for upgrades or seat changes because its not happening. Again this is a FULL flight.” I took out my earbuds because his announcements were way better than my music choices for that moment. They were asking people to check their bags because the flight was so full. Myself and a few other people walked up to volunteer our bags. The lady in front of me was going to grab one of those paper bag tags and then agent looked at her and pushed his lips out and gave her side eye while saying: “Why are you doing that? Honey don’t do that. Everything that they need to know is right here on this barcode. Your name, phone number, flight info. Its all on that barcode. Your zodiac, and ring size are included. They have everything they need mmmmk?” I COULD.NOT.STOP.LAUGHING.  Since the flight was full that means I got the middle seat. Uuugggh I hate the middle seat but its not like I really had a choice in the matter. Now  normally when I get middle seat, I always end up sitting next to someone who is super chatty. So I always put on my “don’t talk to me gear: zipping my hoodie up to my nose and pulling the hood over. FIea4aRfSwiB1N69nFpesQ Its like automatic repellent!!!! WORKS EVERY.TIME. Another thing that I do is pop two Benadryl which guarantees automatic sleep for 90% of the flight. 3 hours later I woke up to “Flight attendants prepare for landing” YAAAAS!!!” As soon as we landed I was up and ready to get the show on the road. Had a nice 3 hour nap so I was totally energized. Made it off the plane, waited and grabbed my checked bag and headed to car rental.  I hopped in my tiny blue rental and hit the road. WAIT!!!! WAIT!!! I had to make pit stop for FOOD!!! Chick Fil A for the win. That chicken biscuit with double hash browns and orange juice hit the spot. So now I have my car, food in my belly and OutKast station on Pandora BLASTING. All of that combined means I spaced out for 45 minutes and missed my damn exit!!! I didnt notice until I started seeing things that didn’t look like what I normally pass when going down 35! SHIT!!!! I had to make a U-Turn and retrace my steps. I finally got back on the right path and it was ON!!!! Sun is shinning, music is BOMB, windows are down… and the cops are out… SHIT!!! I drove past one and I wasn’t going too fast over the speed limit but we all know that in this day… It doesn’t matter. Im always on edge when I pass cops.  He pulled out after I drove by so I was like “DOUBLE SHIT ON A STICK!!!” I slowed down and changed lanes but he drove past me. Sooooo I put the pedal back down, hit cruise control and KEPT IT MOVING!!!! An hour and a half later I had to pull over at a gas station because I was getting sleepy. 5 hour energy drink to the rescue!!!! I made it to my friend Chip’s house in good time and hot damn was it a beautiful drive pulling in.

Chip made it home shortly after and the fun began. Chip has known me since I was like 9 or 10. He’s originally my moms friend and he grew to be my friend along the way. Its guaranteed FUN and laughter when he’s around and it started immediately!!! First order of service was hugs followed by “Here I got you a giant oatmeal chocolate chip cookie that has peanut butter in there too. ENJOY HONEY!!!” You don’t have to tell me twice!!!  But that was followed by “Are you in the mood for a snow cone?? There is a place that makes New Orleans style snow balls and I want to try it out.” Like I’m going to turn down a cup of ice covered with flavored sugar water!!! LEAD THE WAY!!!! Y’all. This snow cone was LIFE!!! Do you hear me?? L.I.F.E!! I got one size down from the mammoth and DEMOLISHED IT!!! While eating our massive snow cones, Chip took me to Pennybacker Bridge which gives you a GORGEOUS view of Austin!!!!!!

After killing our snow cones we made it back to the house and both of us CRASHED!!! We had a quick sugar high and then our bodies said “And thats it for now” I passed out across the couch for about an hour and then woke up totally refreshed. I showered, Chip plugged in Janet Jacksons “Velvet Rope” Album and it was jam session while getting ready for a fun night of Drag bingo!!!!!

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Ok so drag bingo was HILARIOUS!!!! We drank a lot, ate some great food and won nothing at bingo. There was the big gorgeous drag queen calling the numbers. There was laughter, jokes and more alcohol.

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Chip
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Fried pickles were BOMB!!!
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Drag Bingo
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If you messed up then she spanked you.

We made it home slightly buzzed before 10p… and then CRASHED!!! Nothing like being old and drunk. BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Day 1 of vacation reminded me that I might have a tiny circle of people that I hold dear but that tiny circle is all that I need. I do not need to have 3000 friends. I just need a few that really get me, really understand me and that I cut up with. Day 1 was a reminder that I do know how to live and that I am not as dull as I thought I was.

Fearless

So the other day my mom posted my pic on FB saying that I am fearless and that she wants to be like me when she grows up. Fearless… Me??? Are you serious??? I have never IN MY LIFE seen myself as fearless. NEVER.EVER. Fearless to me is no fear… of anything!!!! I do a lot of dumb shit but I kind of know my chances going in are ok. I’ve always kind of cared about what people think of me and how they see me. I’ve been scared of disappointing the people in my life. I’ve always been scared of taking chances because I always thought “What if I fail??” I hit 30 and basically said “FUCK IT” I took a job in Italy and lived there for a little over 2 years. I literally packed up ER’THANG and took the one way ticket out and was COOL with it!!! Was I scared?? HELL YES!!! I was moving to country where I didn’t know the language, how I would be received… NOTHING!!! All I knew was that I wanted to really live my life and this was the opportunity to do so. I got tired of Italy after a while and moved back home. A huge dream of mine was “Live in NYC!!!” When I was little it was because I wanted to model… yeh I quickly realized that I was not model material… AT ALL!!! I’m still not model material even though sometimes when I’m walking through the city in a fly ass outfit…  I pretend I’m in a music video or commercial for perfume or something. Don’t judge me!!! HAHAHAHA!!! You would do it too!!! ANYWAY. I waited and waited and waited… Like almost a year before the opportunity came my way and I JUMPED and haven’t looked back. I’ve been in NYC for over 4 years now!!! LOVE IT!!!! I run stupid ass OCR races that have me jumping, climbing and throwing my body into crap over and over and over again. Would I have done this in my youth?? Maybe. I hit 30 and basically said “I would rather live my life  the way I want to because I am not guaranteed to be here the next 20…30… 40 years. Hell I might not even be here in the next 5 years. YOU NEVER KNOW what’s ahead. Basically my motto for the past 7 years has been “FUCK IT… Lets see what happens” and so far its been pretty rad. I’ve learned a lot about myself. The main thing is that I am a hell of a lot stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.  I’ve taken a lot of shit from a lot of different people and still keep on ticking. One thing that I haven’t just thrown all caution to the wind with… is my heart. MAN!!! I guard that with barbed wire, electric fence and a combination lock!!! NO ONE has really gotten in. I let one person in when I was young… been guarded ever since. I want to date and I am ready to meet my King BUT I AM SCARED SHITLESS!!!! There are few people that I let all the way in. Hell most of my family isn’t even all the way in. There is real legit fear in letting someone in and then having everything fall apart. There is real fear in believing someone is THE ONE… and they turn out not to be. I am REEEEAAAAAAALLLLLY trying to let this go. It’s hard as hell though. Am I fearless?? I think in some ways I am.  Would I think anyone would look up to me and want to be like me?? Uhhh no because in some ways I still feel like I haven’t done much in life.  I’m  almost 37 and flying by the seat of my pants. I’m a human dragon fly. I’m basically just letting the wind blow me in which ever direction and I’m just going along with it. I might take 3 steps forward and 15 steps back. Oh well. I guess there is still a lot that I need to learn about being fearless.

When you Grow Up…

Its been a while!!!! I haven’t written mainly because I haven’t really had anything to write about. Oh well. Today I did the ultimate adulting…Paid a lot of bills. The main bill was rent which is basically like giving away my kidneys and part of a lung and a rib or two. I remember when I was little I wanted to grow up and I wanted bills so I could feel “important”. I was a weird kid. I was also that kid that wanted freckles and wrinkles in my forehead and for my ankles to pop when I walked. I was not lying when I said I was a weird kid. HAHAHA!!!! I thought growing up and adulting would be all the rage!!!!  Do you know what my fun adulting consist of??? Oh its not what my 8 year old self considered fun at all.

  1. Canceled plans: As a kid, I wanted to be wherever there was action. Even though I was extremely shy and liked to blend in, I still wanted to be around EVERYTHING!!!! I wanted to play all the time and hang with my friends and be with the grown folks and blah blah blah. I hated when fun plans got canceled HATED IT!!! NOW: I happy dance my ass off when plans get canceled!!!! “Oh wait… you cant go?? Bummer… NOT”  I change right out of those fancy clothes and into my 20 year old sweat pants, flop on the couch and watch every dopey movie I can get my hands on.
  2. Hair: Y’all I loved getting my hair done!!! I loved having a fresh hair do for school or church or just to go out and play. Learning how to use the crimping iron and curling iron were LIFE!!!! NOW: You cant PAY ME to comb my hair!!! I dread it!!! Do you know how many times I have gone out with my hair all kinds of raggedy?!?!?! Too many times to count and I have NO SHAME!!!! My mom cringes every time “Did you run a comb through your fro??” My answer is always “NOPE” and I can see her shudder. If we are on the phone, I can feel her shudder. I comb through this mass of hair once a week. Its always on a Sunday because thats wash day and wash day consists of me deep conditioning and twisting my hair up to last the work week
  3. Dressing up: OOOHHHHH MAAAAH GAHHHH!!!! When I was little I was as girly as they came. The pinker and fluffier the dress the better!!!! The more ruffles ***swoon*** NOW: HELL NO!!!! Im not dressing up unless I HAVE TO!!! I am more happy in my sweatpants, raggedy shirt and socks. Ruffles and flair?? FO WHAT?!?!?!?!

Its the little things that make me super duper happy!!! As I kid you want all the big glitz and glam and all of the hoorah. That all changes when you age!!

1`. New toys that whistle and make noise = happy squeal getting a brand spanking new spiral notebook to journal in.

2.Birthday parties galore = newest cheesy hallmark movie and being left the hell alone

3. New school clothes = new tights and shirts for the gym

4. Chucky Cheese = Donut shop or Shake Shack… Im not picky.

5. Wanting EVERYONE to like you = Not giving two shits about who likes you. 2 good friends is all you need.

6. All of the noise = AAAAAALLLL of the peace and quiet.

See how adulting wants are totally different from childing wants?????? ITS FREAKING AMAZING!!!!