Closet Romantic

I walk around like I could care less about romance but the truth is… I am the BIGGEST sap on the planet. I am a hopeless romantic at heart. Don’t get it twisted… I still can’t do the cheesy pet names and extreme PDA. That crap makes me want to throat punch someone but I LOVE a great rom-com, or a romance novel (not the cheesy historical ones). I can’t tell you how many  romantic dramas have left me in tears… Literally sitting in the middle of my bed, wearing oversized sweats (Thats how I roll) and wrapped in my quilt SOBBING because of a super romantic moment or maybe the love ended because someone died (Nicholas Sparks… EVERY MOVIE). I live my nonexistent love life through romantic comedies and romance novels. What does that mean?? This seriously can’t be my life as a 34 year old can it?? Apparently I am supposed to be on a date every Friday and Saturday… Uhhh  yeh that is so not happening. Dating websites, dating apps, and all that jazz  is for the birds. All the weirdos stalk me on there and totally kills the chance of me wanting to stay on and continue to sift through mess.  So I guess until I meet Mr. Right… I will continue to sit in the middle of my bed watching rom-coms on netflix while eating a bag of chips and box of ice cream bars. For some reason this sounds more promising.

What do you talk about?

You ever have that moment when you are talking to your crush on the phone and all of a sudden you run out of things to talk about?? You end up with that super awkward silence. You can basically hear crickets and the other person breathing. “Sooooo um yeh how bout that snow outside today?” How do you keep conversations interesting and exciting? Do you resort to corny knock knock jokes? Do you try to fill the awkward silence with mindless conversation or do you just cut to the chase: “Welp I have run out of things to talk about so I will talk to you tomorrow. Good night” But wait a minute… I just totally showed my age by saying “Talk on the phone to your crush” Do people still use phones anymore?? Its all Facebook, texting, Skype and face time. Hell I think emailing is even becoming outdated!!!

I Rock Pajamas And My Afro Puff

That moment when you wake up from an amazing night of rest looking like who did it and what. I went to sleep with my afro on point but when I woke up… That was a whole other story. I look like a 5 year old who has been playing outside all day and who’s ponytails are all lopsided and half matted.Im sporting a black tank top, green shorts and yellow bumble bee knee socks. So now that has me thinking… When I meet the ONE… Is he going to wake up to me in the mornings and be like “What the hell babe?!?!?!” or will he be like “I love your tackiness and matted hair.” Going to be totally honest… I am kind of praying he is ok with my tackiness and  lopsided matted afro puff. HA!!! Will he brag to his friends “My girl looks a HOT MESS in the mornings and that is SO DAMN SEXY!!!”?? And yes I am totally cracking up as I type this. I am not that person who can go to sleep looking sexy and wake up looking sexy. I go to sleep comfortable and sometimes with a headscarf. I wake up with my shirt and pants twisted, One sock pushed down and the other all the way up, and my head looking like it has seen better days. All that stuff on TV and movies where the women go to sleep in silk nighties and full makeup and wake up with perfect hair and makeup in place… ITS A LIE!!!! If I go to sleep with full makeup; you better believe that when I wake up, half of it is going to be on the pillow and the other half is going to be smeared on my face like  a 3 year old has gotten a hold of a black magic marker and decided to have a FIELD DAY on my face.

Am I Bitter??

So as I have gotten older I have found that little things about relationships bug the crap out of me. I am not the super mushy clingy person and I have found that people who are… annoy me. They don’t even have to be mushy towards me. It can be me hanging out with a couple of friends (I’m the 3rd wheel) and if they start with the pet names  and all that jazz… I am instantly annoyed. I can be listening to a friend tell a story and if it gets mushy… I have automatically checked out. So I was griping about this to my mom and then a thought hit me “OH MAH GAH I SOUND REALLY BITTER!!!” So then I had to ask my mom. “Am I bitter?? I’m not bitter am I? I don’t want to be bitter.” What does my mom do?? BUST OUT LAUGHING!!!! What the hell?!?!?!?!?! I’m having a 34 year old single crisis and you are laughing?!?!?!?!  What were her words “I wouldn’t use the word bitter…” Sooooo in other words I sound bitter. So now I am sitting here trying to figure out if its because I am single and have no one to be mushy with or is it because this display of over done affection really does bug the living shit out of me. Things that make ya go hmmmm. Here is my conclusion: I am praying that I am not bitter because no one wants to be around a Debbie Downer. I think part of the reason I feel this extreme need to roll my eyes at super sappy people is partly (a very small part) because I am single. Remember though… that plays a VERY SMALL TINY part in it. The other part is that I am just not a super sappy mushy person. But now Im wondering if that is something that I need to change. Should I be clingy?? Should I roll out nicknames like “Sugarplum, and squeezy buns” to the man that comes into my life?? Does my attitude towards the over done affection play a part in why I am STILL single( going on year 4)??

Single In Brooklyn…

Single in Brooklyn is a place where I pen my random thoughts about being single while living in Brooklyn NY.  It’s a place for humor, love and fun. Some days might be rants and some days are just really weird random thoughts that cross my mind or a story that needs to be told… There is ALWAYS a story that needs to be told. Lets see where this writing journey takes me.