Last night boooooy let me tell you about LAST.NIGHT! I had an AMAZING day despite the below zero, peel the skin off your face temps. I had a great dinner with a great new friend and her husband and then we had to split up at the Maxwell concert. BAE BAE Maxwell… **shaking my head with hand in air** That man makes me feel some kind of way!!! Let me rewind and start with Emile Sandé. She did AMAZING!!!! Then came Nas. He BROUGHT IT and it was unbelievable. AND he was in a tux!!! I was so damn hype. I lost my mind like 2 times… wait never mind I lost it 3 times. After Nas came my main reason for going to this concert… Maxwell. Im single and I have never felt more single in my LIFE than sitting there while couples are all hugged up and kissing and slow dancing. I stood for his ENTIRE set and sang EVERY.DAMN.SONG.OFF KEY… AND LOUD!!!” During the show he even said that he sings baby making music. If Maxwell would have asked for my panties I would have GLADLY peeled out of my 4 layers of clothes to give them to him. Thats how lost I was during his show. In my mind he was singing directly to me. Screw everyone else. He was serenading me and ONLY me and he meant every word. Then he sang a song called “Rose” He dedicated it to the Nat Turners true love. The girls sitting beside me were making fun of me because I lost my self in that song. It was so beautiful and so much heart was put into it. It wasn’t baby making, it was just pure beauty. For about an hour in my mind it was just me and Maxwell. Then the lights came on and it was time to go. My bubble was popped but guess what. He will be back in two months and yes Im buying tickets. He could sing the abc’s and I would melt.
Yeh buddy… the winter advisory has come in and its going to be a whopping negative double digit number this weekend. SAY WHAT?!?!?! Guess who went grocery shopping for food and alcohol?? This chick here!!!! My black behind is staying put this weekend. Well Sunday its sleep, then church, gym and then MAXWELL!!!! I just purchased my ticket!!! Im wrapped up like a freaking burrito when the weather nose dives but I will skate to this concert if I have to!!! Yes thats how much this means to me. Anything else… I would say “Screw you. I am NOT moving.” Maxwell rolls into town and Im like “Blizzard… whatever! Ive got my down jacket, mittens, face mask, scarf and boots. LETS GO! This is not a time for games people!!!!” Lets do this!!!!
This weekend is supposed to be wicked cold. You know what that means?? It means: Indoor workout, takeout and netflix. I have ONE important thing to do on Saturday and then after that its back to my room where I can chill in super comfy blankets watching movies and crocheting a scarf. Talk about PARTY ANIMAL!!! WHOOP WHOOP. Thats me… NOT!!! By the time Friday rolls around all I want to do is sleep the entire weekend away. Oh and to top it off its Valentines day weekend. Or as I like to think of as “Hallmark day” Its a day for cheesy greeting cards, crap tons of candy AND cheesy movies (I actually watch them). Its a day to make those of us that are alone, feel even more alone. Thats ok though. I will have my hot Chinese takeout, AWESOME margarita(alcohol makes the day tolerable), and a ton of blankets and pillows to keep me warm. WINNING!!!!
So I was sitting here ironing clothes and thinking random thoughts like I always do… The random thoughts not the ironing. ANYWAY my thought was: Do people really cuddle when they sleep?? I might cuddle for a little bit but then there comes a time 5 minutes later when I break away. I can’t hug up all night. I have hot flashes man… Ain’t nobody got time to be all up under someone when their body turns into a live inferno!!! Hell at that point I don’t even want my covers on me let alone a human. I might be able to get down with it if the AC is on FULL BLAST but other than that… no can do buddy. This makes me sound like a real witch. Sorry… Wait, no I’m not. I’m being honest. The man that is meant for me will TOTALLY understand my need for personal space.
Now back to regular programming…
Not too long ago I wrote about what not to do while single. The main and only thing on that list was “DO NOT listen to Maxwell when you are cleaning your room and sad because you are single.” Don’t get me wrong I am totally enjoying being single but I have my moments when I’m like “Awww. I wish I had someone to hold me… just for a minute though.” Here is the deal: MAXWELL WILL BE HERE VALENTINES DAY… AND I WANT TO GO!!!!! Have you seen this man in concert?!?!?!? Its un-freaking-real!!!! I am DYING to go to this concert where I will sing every song and swoon and sway with the rest of the crowd and then shed thug tears (on the inside) because I am single and have no one to share sexy time with because everyone knows that Maxwell is all about the “Sexy time” vibe. **sad heavy sigh**(Yes I know that was one LOOOOONG run on sentence) Ive been single for 4 years people. 4. LONG.YEARS and going to this concert by myself is only going to HIGHLIGHT that. I reeeeeaaaaaaaaaally want to go though!!! ITS MAXWELL for crying out loud!!!!
Know who you are
and who you are not…
So for the past few days something has been on my mind. I don’t get close. Friends, significant others, family, God… you name it. I keep a distance. I think its a defense mechanism so I don’t get hurt. When I feel that someone is getting too attached or vice versa, I IMMEDIATELY pump the brakes. You want to talk to me everyday?? Naw bruh!!! Extreme PDA?!?! Uhhhh no. PDA all the damn time??? **giving the side eye** Is it bad that I do this?? Is this a problem?? Is this something that I need to change? Is it something that I can change. I’m breaking out in a sweat just thinking about it! I never want to feel like I absolutely need someone and I think thats because all the times that I have gotten so wrapped up in a friendship or relationship; I forgot who I was and at some point was the one that got hurt in the end. Its easier to take a step back **throws up time out signal** and regroup. Friends in high school, that went south once and it sucked because they were my ONLY friends. After that epic fall out, I kept one foot out the door. First guy I ever loved, basically had his fun and played me over and over and over again and after that it was just easy for me to keep one foot out the door. With God, its not that He hurt me in any way. I just got to a point where I was so wrapped up in the process of finding Him and knowing EVERY SINGLE DETAIL and getting upset when I was supposed to know something and didn’t, that now its just easier for me to go in and then step back and evaluate. Stay true to who He wants me to be without losing myself in the process. I’ve been there and done that. Does that make me bad? I think the thing is that I don’t do “overwhelmed” very well. When anything overwhelms me I have to step back. So again is this something that I have to work on? Is this why I am single? Is this another piece to the puzzle? Or will I meet the guy that knows how to handle my issues the way God does. See God works with me. He doesn’t push me. He speaks to me quietly and nudges me a little but lets me make the moves. Will the guy thats meant for me understand that?? Will he get that I am not clingy?? Will he understand the need for space?? Will he understand if I say “Yeh dude I totally don’t want to see your face right now. Nope don’t want to talk to you either. Give me a day or two.”