You would think with the title that I was getting laid… I’m not. However I am OFF FROM WORK!!! YES.GOD!!! I know every week I say “This has been the longest week of my life” but THIS WEEK HERE… has been JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL PLEASE!!! I am off through Friday, work Saturday, Sunday and then Im off the following week. THE.WHOLE.DAMN.WEEK. I will be back in NYC, in my apartment, in my silence, in my space, in my happiness!!! YES LAWD!!! There will be no one calling me every 5 minutes. There will be no tantrums. There will be no shit. There will be no crying. There will be no wooooo saaaaaaawing. Its going to be me myself and I. Like I could bust out in the whop right now… I’m THAT excited!!! KIKI NEEDS A BREAK!!! I need to turn completely off!!! OFF!!! Like I don’t want to answer my phone, email or ANYTHING for a week. I want to go off grid!!! Mid week I will emerge and do some fun things but I know I’m not doing ANYTHING for a good 3 days!! The only things catching AAAALLLLLL of my attention during this time will be sleep, meditating, sleep, tv, sleep, donuts, sleep… Did I mention sleep already?? The thought of sleeping with NO interruptions or worry is damn near orgasmic. YES YES YES!!!!
Tomorrow I am starting with sleeping until at least 7 and then its off to Paddle board yoga. I Love paddle boarding. Im starting to like yoga… So why not combine the two??
Thursday is going to consist of me and a surf board… I think. I forgot to book the lesson but I will call tomorrow to see if I can get it set up.
Friday I am hoping to chill and bike around the island, shop, eat, chill, drink, chill, and chill.
I work Saturday and Sunday and then Monday is the beginning of FREEDOM!!!
Wednesday morning began with a 4am wake up. An alarm was involved and I was NOT happy when it buzzed. The one day I want to sleep past 4am and I can’t!!! I was in super zombie mode; so I just threw on the clothes and swimsuit from the day before. I managed to work my hair into an Afro puff…sort of. I have A LOT OF HAIR so the struggle was REAL. I packed spare clothes and walked downstairs to catch my uber. My uber driver was THE BOMB!!! Old Hawaiian guy who was born and raised there. He told me all about the 70s and the wonderful concerts that they held in the middle of diamonds head!! My time in the car totally zoomed by!! I didn’t even have time to get car sick!!! I boarded my plane and landed in Kauai around 7ish. Grabbed another cool taxi driver who dropped me at my destination around 730ish. I got there like 2 hours early so they just moved me to earlier float. LET THE RIVER FLOATING BEGIN!!!!
This had to be one of the coolest adventures EVER!!! Our guides we amazing and one of them looked like a young version of THE ROCK!! I may or may not have drooled a little bit. He was super tall, built and hot damn he was GORGEOUS!! So on the way out the the drop off point our guide was giving us some of the history of the plantation and brought up ohana (I think that’s how you spell it). She asked if anyone knew what it meant. Why did my hand shoot up and I blurts out “Ohana means family.” And then together we said ” And family means no one gets left behind” IT WAS FROM LILO AND STITCH!!!! She started laughing and I had to tell her that it was one of my favorite movies. Y’all remember I cried when I thought Stitch had died right??? Go back through the blogs because I wrote about it at some point. ANYWAY let me get back on topic. I spent over 2 hours floating through caves and greenery. I spent over 2 hours in complete relaxation. I spent over two hours doing me!! All I needed was a beer or two. After floating they provided us with a light lunch of sandwiches and chips and for some reason it was the best sandwich and chips EVER!! After lunch we took the bus back to main camp. Those 15 minutes on that bus I was half dead. The sun and lack of sleep hit me like a ton of bricks. My eyes were so damn heavy. When I was finally able to keep them open, my mind would totally check out, completely powered off, shut down, no one home!!! Like my eyes were open but if you looked at me and see that I had meantlly checked off… OFF NOT OUT!! The Windows were open but the light is off and no one is home. Just totally GONE!! HAHAHA!!! I called my cab to get me back to the airport but he was confused why I wanted to go since I had like 3 hours before my flight left. He asked if there was anything I wanted to do and of course you know what I asked… You already know: “Can you take me to get a Shave Ice??” AND HE DID!!!!! OH MAH GAH it was glorious!!!! After my shave ice field trip he took me to the airport. I had like a 2.5 hour wait so I did what anyone else would do… I sat with my body half in half out of the sun so I could stay cool and warm at the same time and called my mom. But I started dozing like 15 minutes into talking to her so I had to end that call and head into the airport. I made it through security and then had to go through another security before getting to my gate. I found a very uncomfortable empty chair, pulled on my hoodie, curled into the best ball I could and PASSED OUT. Mouth open and everything! I woke up in time to get on my plane only to be told 15 minutes after getting on that we had to hop off because they was a leak. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!? We marched off the plane and back into the waiting area. I had some time to blow so I went out and walked around. Came back to the gate but had to scan my bag through security again. I got bored so I walked back out of the gate and went to a little hole in the wall place for food because I was STARVING!!! I grabbed a burger and went back through the tiny security and sat to eat. That burger gave me AAAALLLLLL of my life back!!!it was so damn greasy and it was just EVERYTHING a girl could ask for. After I demolished most of it I realized that I didn’t have my phone charger.SHIT SHIT DOUBLE SHIT!!! I was tired of taking my bag with me and scanning it over and over again through tiny security so I sat it with my food and made a quick run to the bookmark for a cheap charger. I was gone maybe 10 minutes. I get back and there is a rent-a-cop hovering over my bag.
RAC: Ma’am is this your bag ?
RAC: I have to call the cops off!!! **gets on walkie talkie**
RAC: You NEVER LEAVE A BAG!!! Never EVER leave your things!!! They were coming to take your bag!!! NEVER LEAVE IT!!!
Me: Ok sorry. Just went to buy a phone charger. I was tied of carrying it.
RAC: DONT LEAVE YOUR BAG
Me: Got it
Rent-a-cop walks back to his post but keeps his eyes glued to me. I get up to throw away my trash, turn back and Rent-a-cop is GLUED to his Window like the old school garfields that people used to stick to the back windows of their cars. It was like someone threw him and he hit the glass with a cartoonish splat. I couldn’t even leave my bag to throw my damn trash away!!!
Me: Are we done??? Am I getting a ticket??
RAC: DONT LEAVE YOUR BAG
Me: I JUST THREW MY DAMN TRASH AWAY
RAC: They’re watching… Always watching…
Me: **looks up at camera and flashes 2 thumbs up**
I did not get on the plane until after 530p!! That’s my story. Now let’s flash to Jaye and Jana. They woke up and hit the beach with a bang!! Chilling with giant floaties, umbrellas and drinks turned into ” Is that a catamaran?!?!?!?!?” Which turned into “LETS DO IT” They hopped on and shenanigans began. 2 dollar drinks… One ride turned into 2. 2 rides turned into FOUR for Jaye. Jana… Not so much. The sun and cheap Mai Tai’s hit her like a Mack truck and apparently she passed out on the beach in fetal position for about 3 hours. When Jaye got back to her, she was trying to cover up with a blanket that didn’t exist. Jaye wasn’t much better because she doesn’t remember them walking to the room… With all of their floaties, bags and gear!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! Both of them hit the hotel room and died for a few hours. I walk in at close to 7 and the room is pitch black!! Shutters are closed, All lights are off and they are face planted into the beds!!
Jana: Oh mah gah we are dying
Jaye: Khrys if you don’t cut that God damn light off
Me: Jaye… The light is off
Jaye: Oh… **passes back out**
REALLY HEFFAS!?!?!?!? I took a shower and when I came out they were still curled up. I had time to wash and detangle my hair… They were still face planted. Jana got up and we went to Denny’s. Jaye… Did not move.
To say that fun was had by all is a total understatement. It was epic awesome for everyone. They were able to have their fun without me and I was able to do what I had come to Hawaii for in the first place. It’s amazing how things work out. The adventuress don’t stop here though…