CRAP DAY!!!

So today yo… I can’t even describe today. I will cut it short by saying it was a LONG FREAKING DAY!!! Anyway the end of my day was CRAP!!! And I am not figuratively speaking. So we all know that I am a nanny. Well I was giving the youngest kiddo a bath. She’s 18 months.  She is splashing and playing. I am making bubbles with soap and my hands and she’s laughing. Well she laughed so hard at one point that she farted. Well that made bubbles in the water and a funny noise which made her laugh harder. Well a few minutes go by and she is trying to make booty bubbles again.  I looked away to get more bath soap for bubbles when I looked down and almost died. It was like something out of the movie Alien. Homegirl SHIT… IN THE TUB!!! I saw what she had for breakfast lunch and dinner ooze out of her ass and float to the top of the bathwater like some kind of alien blob of crap being born from the mother ship. OHHHHH MAAAAAAH GAHHHH!  I screamed which scared the poor child and she must of clenched the butt cheeks because the alien making factory was shut down. THANK GOD!!! Y’all… I had to rewash her, and then hand her off to grandparents so I could disinfect the bathtub. I gagged the 20 minutes it took me to get everything cleaned. Now I have been a nanny for a while. Ive been puked on, shit on, cleaned shit, sneezed on, had boogers stuck to me… YOU NAME IT!!! Ive seen it all. But this… today?? I about died right there on the spot!!!

Why Me?!?!

When I am at work,I look like my work. I look like I run after a 2 year old day in and day out. My attire usually consists of jeans, some kind of tee shirt, a hoodie and running shoes. I never wear makeup and nine times out of ten my hair is tied back in a head wrap or under a beanie. I don’t mean to look like a rag doll but its pretty much written in the stars DAILY that I am going to be covered in some form of food, play dough , juice or whatever else gets spilled or thrown in the house. Well today I was in my regular work attire and had to make a trip to whole foods for the grocery shopping. I hadn’t eaten breakfast so of course I had to grab the biggest glazed donut that they had. I did the grocery shopping  and walked out happily mowing through my donut like I hadn’t eaten in 10 years. I think my eyes even rolled to the back of my head a few times (It was that good). So as I am walking and taking dinosaur sized bites… I pass the HOTTEST man I have ever seen in my LIFE! He also decided to look my way as I was shoveling in my donut. Why God?!?!?! I have no idea if he was single or taken, gay or straight. All I know is that he was GORGEOUS and here I was looking like who did it and what while chewing my way through sugar heaven. This always happens to me!!! When I am cute and all snazzy I don’t see ANYONE but let me come out the house in sweatpants, rain boots, and puffy jacket… ER’BODY and they mama comes out the wood works to cross my path!!! **Heavy sigh**