Damn I’m Getting Old

This week I have been off from work. I have had no obligations to ANYONE for an entire week!!! Do you know how awesome that feels? OHHHHH MAHHHH GAAAAAAHHHH! What have I done for a week?? Joined a gym, slept, ate, drank a little, indoor rock climbing, ate, slept, slept, drank, oh and got massages. Here is something that I realized this week IM GETTING OLD!!!!  Here are the many ways I know I’m aging

  1. I wake up and have no desire to comb my hair… I ain’t trying to impress anyone
  2. I have no sexy lingerie. NONE!!!
  3. I have aches and pains that I have never had before. This lower back pain is for the birds man!!!
  4. I grunt when I stand up
  5. I sneezed… and peed a little bit!!!
  6. I prefer to sit on my sofa and watch hallmark movies than going out and meeting people my age

Number 5 was the kicker though. I was like “Oh my damn I’m turning into my grandmother at the ripe age of 36!!!! WHY LAWD WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!”

Sure I try new things to try to keep from aging at a super rapid rate (rock climbing, OCR, Surfing… Whatever adrenaline thing I can find) but hot damn there are still aspects of aging that sneak in. **face palm**

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IM OFF… Time to Ponder The Universe!!!

LAWD JESUS IM OFF!!!! I thought I was going to have a sleep in… Didn’t happen. Im not tripping though because IM OFF!!!! Im going to spend my day doing paddle board yoga, eating and zoning out and maybe some shopping. I hate shopping though. When I say shopping that means I walked into a place and came across something that I liked… which means it was a bag. That means its still there and that Im going back to that exact store, to that exact spot and grabbing that exact bag.  I hate shopping. Tomorrow I want to try surfing but I also want to go to Martha’s Vinyard because I have never been and should probably check it out at some point. Decisions decisions. I am now sitting in a coffee shop full of white people who are randomly staring at me while trying to look like they aren’t staring at me.

You ever have those days were you wonder why you are where you are?? I know this is a complete shift but IM OFF so I have time to ponder the universe and God. I promise Im not high… Not going to lie though, I have had days where I wish I were. But seriously I have been like “Why am I here?? Why was I created?? Why would I be brought into this crap called “the world” Am I really making a difference?? Am I really producing change??  Am I touching lives and leaving a positive impact?? Is it even really about me?? Or is someone supposed to make a difference in my life?? But then Ive still made it all about me?   So basically if is you thats supposed to make a difference or someone thats supposed to make a difference in your life… Its still about you. Which makes all of us really freaking selfish on some level.

What I Need

I need… What do I need?? You know when the little bit that you need is really A LOT??? For instance: I really need a couple of million dollars. Its not asking for a lot but at the same time it is . I think this  is what dating is like for me. Im asking for a little but at the same time its a lot. This is what makes dating hard and the reason that my black ass is single.  I am ok with that because I refuse to settle. I think when looking for the one my WANTS change every now and then but my NEEDS stay the same. What is supposed to seem so simple , has turned into something SUPER COMPLICATED. It seems like such an easy thing for my friends but for me… Not so much. Then that makes me wonder: “Is it me? Am I the problem??” Good God I hope not.