IM OFF… Time to Ponder The Universe!!!

LAWD JESUS IM OFF!!!! I thought I was going to have a sleep in… Didn’t happen. Im not tripping though because IM OFF!!!! Im going to spend my day doing paddle board yoga, eating and zoning out and maybe some shopping. I hate shopping though. When I say shopping that means I walked into a place and came across something that I liked… which means it was a bag. That means its still there and that Im going back to that exact store, to that exact spot and grabbing that exact bag.  I hate shopping. Tomorrow I want to try surfing but I also want to go to Martha’s Vinyard because I have never been and should probably check it out at some point. Decisions decisions. I am now sitting in a coffee shop full of white people who are randomly staring at me while trying to look like they aren’t staring at me.

You ever have those days were you wonder why you are where you are?? I know this is a complete shift but IM OFF so I have time to ponder the universe and God. I promise Im not high… Not going to lie though, I have had days where I wish I were. But seriously I have been like “Why am I here?? Why was I created?? Why would I be brought into this crap called “the world” Am I really making a difference?? Am I really producing change??  Am I touching lives and leaving a positive impact?? Is it even really about me?? Or is someone supposed to make a difference in my life?? But then Ive still made it all about me?   So basically if is you thats supposed to make a difference or someone thats supposed to make a difference in your life… Its still about you. Which makes all of us really freaking selfish on some level.

What I Need

I need… What do I need?? You know when the little bit that you need is really A LOT??? For instance: I really need a couple of million dollars. Its not asking for a lot but at the same time it is . I think this  is what dating is like for me. Im asking for a little but at the same time its a lot. This is what makes dating hard and the reason that my black ass is single.  I am ok with that because I refuse to settle. I think when looking for the one my WANTS change every now and then but my NEEDS stay the same. What is supposed to seem so simple , has turned into something SUPER COMPLICATED. It seems like such an easy thing for my friends but for me… Not so much. Then that makes me wonder: “Is it me? Am I the problem??” Good God I hope not.