Oh someone hasn’t blogged in a HOT ASS minute. That someone is me. I haven’t had much to talk about lately. There has been a shit ton going on in the world but I haven’t felt that my voice would really make a difference in the constant static noise that is history repeating itself over and over and over and over and over again.
Today I turned 39. Today didn’t feel like a day of celebration though. I didn’t have that giddy feeling that you get when you are about to take another step into growth. I wasn’t over the moon about being one year closer to 40. 40 might be a different story. 39 just seems like a blah number. You aren’t at the fresh 30 mile stone but you aren’t at the wicked awesome 40. People don’t tend to say 50 is the new 39. 39 just seems like this random number so you can say “And I’m getting older.” I worked today and my boss did her damndest to be excited for birthdays because birthdays are her jam. I just couldn’t do it today. I could not muster an enthusiasm that I sure as shit was not feeling. It’s not like I can get together with my homegirls for all of the food and drinks because…. CORONA VIRUS!!!! I know everything is opening back up but I’m that person that’s sitting back and watching what happens to every one else. Paranoid much?? Nope. I like to say I’m cautious. I’m not at home with my boyfriend because… I’m at work. I am not with my family because my family is AAAALLLLLL the way in Texas and I’m in NY. I just feel this weird loss of connection even though we are all connected on a ridiculous level (Phone, text, email, face time, facebook, instagram, twitter, etc…)
I just feel like I made it to 39 without really accomplishing anything. Nothing monumental has happened where I am like ” THIS is what growing up is about. I don’t know. It’s just weird.
So this is what I am taking away from day one of 39.
- This feeling is not going to last forever
- I am going to be better in more ways than one. I might not see it happen tomorrow but it is going to happen.
- I still have life in me and I am here for a reason.
- I do have goals and dreams and I am going to accomplish them.
- One foot in front of the other
I know this sounds like a sad pitty party of crap but its how I felt. I know I am not going to always feel this way. So with that being said…. Here’s to making 39 COUNT!!!!
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