So Extra

Ok so everyone knows that I am like the adventurous workout queen. I love to find different studios that do out of the box cardio and strength training. I have been DYING to try pole classes. Thats right. Pole dancing… just without the stripper heels. Well I did it on Saturday and posted a video afterwards about my epic meltdown. I was being extra and was in my feelings and was just… I can’t even describe it. But doing that class bought back EVERY insecurity that I have ever had IN LIFE!!!! EVERY.SINGLE.ONE!!! Lets figure out why shall we??

Ok I am EXTREMELY SHY!!! Its crazy!!! I am totally at peace blending into my surroundings and people watching while eating popcorn or writing in my never ending journal. I don’t like standing out even though my giant purple fro says otherwise. HAHAHA!!!  I have ALWAYS been shy but I thought I had gotten better about it. Growing up I would hide behind my mom or dad when going to gatherings or their friends houses. I blushed even if someone just said hi. I hated being in front of crowds… like to the point of hyperventilating!!! In high school our cafeteria was the freaking EPICENTER of everything. Its where ER’BODY hung out at. Going through the cafeteria was a nightmare for me because I always felt like people were watching and I felt like I was being laughed at. I did everything in my power to avoid that place. I would lap the whole damn school to get to a single class. 2 minutes to class through the cafeteria… 7 minutes taking the long route. Guess which way I always went?? If I had to go through;I always walked with my head down going like 90 mph. I STILL hate being in front of people and do everything in my power to stay out of the spot light!!! JUST LET ME BLEND!!! Deep down I’m still that awkward black girl who can’t find that spot where she fits. Now I just cover up my anxiety about it with humor and sarcasm. Being 36 I can’t hide behind anyone anymore so I hide behind sarcasm. It works… or it did until I did that damn pole class. I was so out of my element!!!! I can’t roll my body. I don’t know how to be flirty. I do not know how to be this sensuous person. I do not know how to let caution go to the wind and work my body the way our instructor was having us do. For 80 percent of the class I was like “What the fuck am I doing??” Im technical. I have to see every step down to the smallest movement of the fingers and in my mind “I HAVE TO GET IT RIGHT” I was trying to break down everything in my head instead of just going with it. The freak out didn’t happen until she would turn down the lights and tell us to make up our own routines with what we learned. No one was watching me. Everyone was too busy trying to work their pole. ME?? I was too busy FREAKING OUT because in my mind everyone was watching me and in my mind I was doing everything wrong. I basically beat myself up and didn’t know how to stop. In that hour and 30 minutes I turned into the weird 15 year old at Martin high school. It didn’t help that the chick I was paired with who said she had only done the class ONCE was doing gosh damn fan kicks and splits while holding the pole and whipping her hair all about . BITCH REALLY?!?!?! REALLY?!?!?!?! Why couldn’t I be paired with the chick in the back who was just as lost as I was??  So this one class basically broke me for a day. So now I have to go back to this freaking pole dancing class so I can slay these demons that still haunt me even though they shouldn’t!!!

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Trying Something Different

One of the hardest things to do in LIFE is to leave your comfort and move on to something different. It’s so hard to break free!!! SOOOOOO HAAAAAARD **insert ugly cry wall slide here** Yes I am being dramatic BUT WHATEVER!!! I have hit this kind of super comfort lazy zone with just about ER’THANG in my life.  My New Years resolution… Hell I didn’t have one. I have been in a FUNK for the past week or so. Like my attitude was BEYOND stank!! I wasn’t mean to anyone or super rude but I was just in a “Give no fucks” attitude. “Whatever happens… happens” Kind of attitude. I think my hormones were just out of whack but again… WHATEVER!!! So this weekend I have been feeling better and I think part of that is because I am TRYING to change parts of my diet. My diet has been one of “Give zero fucks” kind of things for most of 2017.  The last few months my allergies have been KILLING ME!!! No sense of smell and congestion that just won’t quit. Who knew that the nose could produce so much freaking snot!!! Ive been living off of nose sprays and allergy/cold meds. Well I finally got sick of it and decided to make some changes. The big change… KILLING DAIRY. Thats right I am taking dairy out of my diet. OOOOOOH MAAAAAH GAHHHHH! Its the hardest thing in the world!!! Its not that I drink milk ( I hate milk. Never liked it) but I use it in my cereal and cooking. I also use a shit ton of creamer when drinking coffee and sometimes thats 3 cups of coffee a day. Last week I drank my coffee black. I screwed up on cheese because I made pizza for the kids and then grilled cheese another day. I eat meals with the kids so they will eat their food and yeh that was my back slide right there.

Friday when I left work I decided to go grocery shopping so I could implement these diet changes at home AND the temps dipped to single digits so you already know my black ass was moving nowhere outside of this here apartment. I bought vegan cheddar slices, almond milk and vegan coffee creamer. I feel better. I’m not sluggish and my attitude isn’t bad. I had a ton of energy and slept really good. I’m still congested at times but I got my sense of smell back for a few minutes and then it left again.

I figure that I am going to document all of this and see how it goes. I need the good LAWD to lay hands on my sinuses and clear out all of the SNOT!!!! AMEN and AMEND!!! LOL!!!

Another thing that Im working on is getting back to be being physically active. I was kind of blah for most of 2017. No desire, no drive, no real motivation. Ive signed up for my first Spartan race for 2018 and I want to sign up for a few more and try some other races as well. This week is the beginning of training for me. Im going to keep hitting the gym for weights, machines and light cardio but I’m also going to be going to some cool studios to try different workouts. Im going to try pole dancing, hoops and silks. And I am also going to do the spider bands class again. This is just the beginning.

Resolutions

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Bringing in the new year didn’t feel like “bringing in the new year” I have been off a little bit since I got back from vacation and I just have really had no desire what so ever to move from the corner spot on my sofa. I have had no desire to change the TV channel from Hallmark to something else. Even though I’m not even watching it… Im reading a book but yet I still can’t bring myself to turn off my TV or change the channel to something my mom would want to watch.  Every year I make resolutions that I NEVER stick to. Save more money, eat better, work out more, be more positive, love ER’BODY… I never stick to ANY of it and for the past couple of days… I could really give 3 shits about it.  You want to know what my 2018 resolutions are??

  1. I
  2. DONT
  3. KNOW

Thats right.  I know I wrote them down somewhere but as I sit here in a haze… will they really be something that I stick to?? Will I even care?? Probably not. I will find them somewhere down the road because its written down in one of the 300 journals that I have stowed away all over my apartment.  And I will think “Aren’t these the same things I wrote down for 2017?? Huh”

Adios Costa Rica

Y’ALL!!! I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE!!!! IM NOT READY TO GO BACK TO ADULTING!!!! I’M.NOT.READY!!! Today is our day to depart the beautiful country. Whats crazy awesome is that I think our hosts were more sad than we were!!!! She said that she was going to miss us and that she hopes that I am able to come back in June. She invited me to dinner and all kinds of activities with them. Costa Rica has been AHH_MAZING!!!! Costa Rica owes me NOTHING!!! NO-THING do you hear me??? This place has given me AAAAALLLL of my life back and then some.  Let me name the many ways this place was awesome

  1. Las Voiles Blanches- This was our bed and breakfast. Karyn and Michael are husband and wife that run this amazing tiny hotel with their 4 year old son. They made sure that everything we needed was taken care of and went ABOVE AND BEYOND to make sure we were happy with EVERYTHING!!! They helped us find taxi drivers, helped set up any excursion that I requested. Recommended all the best restaurants and beaches and were just really nice down to earth people. It was reasonable priced and I totally got the tropical feel. Our room was amazing and nice sized. Our bathroom was awesome and basically outdoors, breakfast was always amazing and FRESH. The coffee gave life and conversation with the both of them was always light hearted and fun. BEAUTIFUL souls!!!! I will be back and will continue to try to visit every year and every year I am going to stay with them.
  2. Pinilla Canopy Tours- THEY WERE AWESOME!!! The guides were well trained and super awesome. They were fun and had amazing humor. They added a level of fun to the course that was totally not expected. At the end of the amazing zips and jumps they treated us to FRESH Pineapple.
  3. Luxury ATV Tamarindo with Bruno- BRUNOOOOOOOOOO!!! This was one of the coolest things I have EVER done. Its another one of those things that I can totally check off of my bucket list. I was Tina Turner in Mad Max for 3 hours. For 3 hours you couldn’t tell me SHIT!!! I got to fly down the beach, through forested areas and dirt roads without a care in the world.
  4. Go Adventure Tours- OUR HIKE!!!! I got to see the main reason for coming to Costa Rica!!! I got my waterfall!!!! I didnt get to jump into it but I got to see it. I got to experience what humid sulfur filled volcano steam felt like. I got see different monkeys in their natural element. I got to HIKE IN Costa Rica!!! Then they fed us lunch AND THEN ON TOP OF THAT we got a spa day!!! WINNNNNNNING!!!!!!!
  5. Banana Surf Club- Manuel….. The FINEST surf instructor EVER!!!! He was amazing!!!! I surfed like a wanna be pro!!! I ate a lot of water a few times and was SLAMMED by a few waves. I think the kicker was every time I was slammed by the water, my swim bottoms would slide down. Have you ever tried to hold on to a board and your swimsuit!!! I was like “Sorry for showing my ass!!!!” It was so much fun though. 2 hours of surf time was the best ever.

Y’all This has been the trip of a life time. I had to pull out my rusty ass Spanish from 9th grade but I made it work. I experienced a part of life that I kind never thought I would experience. Its things that you only dream about but I MADE my dreams come true. 7 days of amazingness. 7 days of letting go. 7 days of giving zero fucks. 7 days of freedom. I can not WAIT until its time to travel again.

Coming to an End

So day 7 of the adventure train!!!! We woke up bright and early because thats what we do. But hold up. Let me rewind. So around 2 or three in the morning. We heard some banging on the roof and then it sounded like something slammed against the door in our bathroom. Mom was WIGGING out. I was half sleep so I was like ” Its probably just a howler monkey or something… Our bathroom is out in the open.” Well 10 minutes later we heard it again. So I got up to turn on the light… and lock the bathroom door. I am cracking up about it now. My first thought was “Damn it they took my hair cream and cant figure out how to get it open!!! I need that hair cream!!!” It was like a baby monkey was acting a fool and the mama was like “Let me handle you real quick” **proceeds to whoop ass**  You know you are freaked out when you wake up at 5 because you have to pee… but you lay there wondering “Do I really have to go?? I mean… if its between pissing the bed and fighting a monkey… I’m going to piss the bed” Well I got up, turned on the bathroom light and slowly peeked in. Nothing was there and everything was in tact.  BUT I did pee with the door open so if I needed to get up and run, I had a clear shot. HAHAHAHAHA. We finally started moving around 630ish. We didn’t really have plans for the day but we knew we were going to be beaching it and drinking… You know the important things that you do on a tropical vacation.

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The cup that always starts my morning.
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We OUT!!!

The only adventure of the day was driving 40 minutes to a beach… in a dirt buggy. Y’all when we arrived at the beach we were COVERED in dust!!! My fro started out all fluffy and beautiful. My color patch was a nice rose gold because the hot pink is washing out but by the time we got to the beach I was like the dirt monster sneezed on us!!! It looked like we had been through a wind tunnel. HAHAHHAHAHA!! We unpacked our buggy, found a great spot on the beach and parked it for a few hours. We unloaded all of our food and drank and made a short day of it.

We tried to find another beach that our hosts told us about but we couldn’t seem to find it. What did we do?? We trucked the 40 minutes back to Tamarindo and went to our favorite taco spot. We ordered tacos, and all of the micheladas we could drink because they were AMAZING!!! I made buddy buddy with the owner and he gave me his recipe!!! YAAAAAAAS!!!  We returned out dirt buggy and hitched a ride with a taxi driver back to our bed and breakfast. We had time to shower, and chill before the sleep bug bit us and it was lights out.

Mad Max: Costa Rica Day 6

Vrooom Vrooom Vroooooooooom!!!! Yeh buddy we are still rolling the dirt buggy!!!! How y’all doing?!?!?!?!?! What could possible top a day of zipping and jumping from trees??? Hauling ass on an ATV on different beaches thats what!!!! Mom and I woke up early because you know we are old souls and are sleep before 7 and up at the ass crack of dawn. We were determined to find breakfast in town. We totally didn’t think about it being Christmas Day. Oops. We also didn’t factor in that it was 730 in the morning. OOPS! We made into Tamarindo and parked. We walked from place to place looking for any breakfast spot that might be open. Finally we found a spot that welcomed us in. They let us know right from the jump that their menu was limited. No meats. So I ordered French toast and eggs. Mom got eggs, some kind of rice and beans and a chunk of white cheese. We also got the main thing we were looking for… COFFEE!!! Strong coffee at that!! We paid for our food and then hopped back in to our mad max buggy. Im feeling myself now y’all because I have figured out how the damn thing works. WHAT?!?!?!?!?! Who was going 87 on the open road???? THIS CHICK HERE!!!!! We hit the road and drove the 10 minutes it took to get to the place where we were going to start our ATV journey.

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Mad Max Mobile!!!
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On the ATV feeling like a BOSS!!
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Suited up and ready to go!! VROOM VROOM

 

We got the walkthrough on how to work everything and our guide Bruno led us on a 3 hour tour!!! We hit wooded areas and beaches. We got to see the Pirate Beach, turtle beach and like two or three other beaches. We had time to sit and admire the beauty around us. We had time to play and relax. We also had time to chat with one another. Y’all it was so freaking GORGEOUS!!!!! Pictures didn’t capture what we saw with our naked eye. One of the coolest things we got to see up close was the Howler Monkeys!!! They were in all of the trees and just watched us as we watched them!!! They were also trying to nap and our loud ass ATV’s were disturbing them… OOPS

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Look at that water!!!
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**Sigh**
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Mom goes for a walk
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My funny toes

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I played for a minute
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HEY YOU GUYS!!!
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Walking…
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LOOK AT THIS!!!
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…and THIS
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…AND THIS!!!!

Our ATV adventure lasted over 2 hours!!! We were gone for like 3 hours yo!!! It was hot but with the breeze blowing, it wasn’t too bad. What was hot though was the damn motor or engine or whatever that damn thing is that you rests your legs against. HOLY SHIT that gets hot. Towards the end of our tour I had to prop my legs up near the handle bars. On the way back we saw some big ass lizards and a fucking SNAKE zoom across our path. So happy I was burning rubber on that freaking ATV!!! Thats all I gotta say about that!!

After a morning of driving along the beaches mom and decided to head home to shower and change because we were covered in road dust from the ATV. We went to the grocery store and bought a WHOLE CHICKEN, brioche rolls, and all kinds of little snacks. We drove to the beach, set up camp and made chicken sandwiches!! We grubbed and drank for 4 hours y’all!!! 4 hours!!! It was so damn relaxing

We stayed out until 445p. You know how hold people do “We gotta be home before it gets dark because we can’t see at night” HAHAHAHAHA!!! That was TOTALLY US. We made it home before 5 and were sleep by 7. Y’all if we don’t have geriatric souls… I TELL YA!!!!!  Day 6… Icing on the CAKE!!!! Couldn’t have asked for a better adventure to wind down an awesome vacation.

Fly With Me: Costa Rica Day 5

Yodel Le Heeeee Whoooooooooooo! I figured I would start this entry a little different. Day 5 adventure y’all was the adventure of adventures!!!! Can it be topped??? I don’t know because it was pretty kick ass if I do say so myself. What was in store for Mom and me??? ZIP LINE!!!!!! YAAAAAAAS! We were able to sleep until like 730… but me being the bright eyed bushy tailed person that I am, was up at like 530. I was noisy… again but made it to my hammock to chill for a bit. Mom came out of her sleep to join me in the hammocks for a little bit. We didn’t have long to sit because our bus was coming to get us at 830a. SO EXCITED!!! I threw on some old gym shorts and tank top. I pulled my hair back in my two raggedy braids(They were so raggedy y’all) and put on my trail running shoes. Wellllllll on the way out dude from the cabin next to us(The boyfriend with the dog bone of a girlfriend) came out with a smile “Hey how are you?” “Doing good. How are you?” “Good. Are you going for a run??” “No not today. We are going zip lining!!!” “Oh how awesome!!!” I informed him of the adventures from the day before which was the hike. He got a disappointed look as he said that his girl would never be down for anything like that. But I told him that there was a MASSIVE spa day that followed. He brightened up and said she might be game for it since there was spa day that followed. I mean really dude why date someone who doesn’t enjoy doing the same things that you like?? That sucks!!! Whatever.  Not my problem!!!! So moving forward. Mom and I got ready and our bus arrived right on time. We hopped on the bus with a family of 3. They also happened to be from Texas. They were from Corpus Christi. I JUST forgot their names. The mom was Veronica, daughter Sierra and I cant think of the husbands name. He was super cool though. All of them were amazing. It was like a 10 minute bus ride to the treetop course. We hopped out of the van and it was game on. The guys fit us all in our harnesses, gave us hand guards and helmets. We got the fastest demonstration EVER and then it was time to zip

There were like 8 different zips, one or two tree crossings and one free fall bungee thing. It was so much fun!!!! I thought mom would chicken out but she didnt!!! She did everything!!! She did every zip and even the free fall!!!! MOM DID THE UPSIDE DOWN zip too!!!! YES SHE DID!!!! Our instructors were amazing, funny and super helpful. The course was well put together and was super safe. LOVED IT!!!

So after like 2 or 3 lines the guy takes us and we are all standing on this platform. He gives us the option to do the bungee free fall or cross the bridge. All of us chose the free fall. It was fun and terrifying at the same time. He clips you on to this motorized belt.  You jump and it catches you and lets you down to the ground slowly. Heres the thing. When you jump there is a lot of slack in the rope so you do free fall for like a half a second. The guy thought it was hilarious to push us when he thought we were ready. If we were taking too long to make up our minds when to jump; he would just help you along by pushing you over the edge.

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Mom is ready to fall
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He pushed me!!!!
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MOM DID IT!!! SHE JUMPED!!!!
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Mom made it
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Landing!!!

 

Afte jumping from the top of a tree, we got to cross this crazy bridge and then zip through the rest of the forest. On one of the zips he made us go upside down. He said there was no other way to do it!!! THE HELL YOU MEAN THERE IS NO OTHER WAY!?!?!?!? Guess who he picked to go first??? Yup yours truly. So I stepped up to be the first victim and BOY DID I LOVE IT!!!! Mom screamed and called on Jesus when it was her turn. You guys I have never laughed so hard in my LIFE!!!! The video footage has my stomach hurting every time that I watch it and thats EVERYDAY!!! On the last zip, our guide nicknamed me supergirl. I was the last to go. Why?? Because he fixed my harness so I was hanging from my stomach. I had to kick my legs back and let ‘er fly… like supergirl. Well When I kicked my legs back… I accidentally kicked him in the balls and I just heard him grunt “OOOOOOY. Don’t put foot there. The boys are there!!!” So for 5 seconds I was supergirl!!!! I FLEW THROUGH THE TREES and it was AHHHHH-MAZING!!!!

The place was called Picillia Zip Line if Im not mistaken. I can not remember our guides but they were AMAZING!!! We went through all of the zips, they snapped all of our pictures and then afterwards they used a machete and cut up some pineapple for us. BEST TREAT EVER!!!!6NK1dloxSTes77m2V8239g

After we finished zipping and eating our pineapple we made it back home to chill for a bit. I changed into a swimsuit and clean clothes and then made my way out to the hammock. Well guess who was looking for me to say good bye… Yup you guessed the cabin neighbor with the whack ass girlfriend. He said bye to my mom instead because he couldn’t find me. Him and his girlfriend were walking out together with their bags. My mom being super petty goes “Oh Khrys is in the hammock.” She said he looked over for me and the girl just gave a tight smile and “uh ok”  I CAN NOT STOP LAUGHING!!!! Girl bye and to your cutie pie of a boyfriend “Honey I hope you find a WOMAN that enjoys everything there is about you and that will invite your sense of adventure into their lives so they can have something AMAZING to share with you.” Aiight now that thats out the way lets get back to regular programming

So we called a taxi to take us to pick up our dirt buggy. Its called a UTV but that sounds like some kind of STD so I’m just going to call it a dirt buggy. We went to get our buggy because our hosts got it for us for a decent price… cheaper than a car because insurance on a car out RIDICULOUS!!! We get to the place and everything is good until he says “There is a 1000 dollar deposit” EXCUSE THE FUCK OUT OF ME!!! WHAT did you just say??? No No No NOOOOO HELL NO!!! I grabbed all my things and told him “Thats not going to happen. First of all because we were not told about a 1000 dollar deposit and second because who the hell has that kind of money to put down on a dirt buggy?!?!?! No Im sorry but you are going to keep that buggy.” He goes “You have to put deposit when you rent car no matter where you go.” I was like “Yeh but not a thousand fucking dollars!!! Have you lost your mind??!?!?!?! I could understand if I was renting the damn thing for 10 days but Im not putting that money down for 2 days. Screw that.” He just looked at me and the poor clerk didn’t know what to do. She just sat and watched us exchange words. He said “Ok ok. I make it 500” I told him I could do that but that I BETTER get my money back!!! He assured me the I would get my money back. I better or there will be HELL to pay do you hear me?!?!?!?!? So we were walked to our buggy and the little dirty dude showed us how everything worked. We hopped in, buckled up, turned on the car and FOOLERY BEGAN!!! skkkFWJ1T5+wo4+1NH%TDg

BAY-BAY when I tell you I felt like a freaking road warrior… an inept warrior but a warrior none the less. It takes some getting used to. The breaks work but really all you have to do is just take your foot of the gas and the car stops moving. Learned that by surprise when trying to slow down a little bit. Also learned that they move pretty fast. I was like granny behind the wheel going like 40 mph because there is no speed limit and I wasnt sure exactly how fast the thing could go!!! Like will it blow up or fall apart if I push the gas all the way down?? Its noisy as hell and not a smooth ride but it gets the job DONE when ridding on the beaches and rocky areas. It is so much fun to drive!!! We made it home around 430ish?? Why were we sleep by 530p?!?!?! Y’all I mean like KNOCKED.OUT!!! The sun and zipping took it out of us y’all. We didn’t even eat dinner. We sat in our room and ate Cheetos and then CRASHED!!! HAPPY DAY TO US!!! Wonder what the next adventure will be for the Khrys and Doris’ great adventure tales!!! Stay tuned to find out