Random Thoughts

– I don’t know. At times I feel like I’m being swallowed. Pretty sure it’s my own doing.

– Exhausted. I gotta change everything cause my energy is all wonky.

– Walking through Paddington Station I stopped and asked a lady for directions. She stopped mid sentence ” You’re either American or African. You are beautiful!!! Your skin is AMAZING” I have been a little depressed so that kind of made my day. Love when melanated women from all over the world show mad love to one another.

– Feeling great but slightly rushed . It’s ok though. I’m still able to relax a bit. Breakfast alone @ a place called Megan’s, drinking coffee while surrounded by Botox inflated unity white people. I’ve gotten a few stares. Don’t hate me because my natural black is beautiful 🙂 

– That moment when your wireless earbuds give up on life for the day so you are then forced to listen to the world around you… when you don’t want to.

– When you like your silence… but your silence is creating your own world with your own music pumping through your earbuds for the soundtrack. That’s not really silence is it?

– When something up close seems so big but when you step away it’s really quite small in the grand scheme of life.

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Love/Hate/Love

Hey Uncle Danny. We didn’t have the TIGHTEST of relationships. But that didn’t mean that you were not family to me. You gave me my first cup of coffee. I was maybe 5?? You didn’t give me much but we were both up at an ungodly hour: Me because… well… What kid do you know that sleeps past 6a?? As for you?? There is no telling what you were into. You didn’t talk much but sitting in silence seemed to be ok. Your room was right next to Grandmothers room so it was easy for me to bug you from time to time if you were in a good mood. Most of the time you were kind of grouchy but for some reason that didn’t faze me.  You cooked A LOT and always came up with the nastiest combinations but they always smelled AMAZING!!! “Yeh… uhhhh I mixed some left over baked beans and that cabbage from yesterday. Threw in some fried corn and a 7up.” THE FUCK?!?!?! The one thing that I did eat was your fried potatoes. For some reason you, Uncle David and Uncle Jimmy made the BEST damn potatoes. They were always LOADED with black pepper and garlic salt and fried to perfection!!!! I remember when I was about 7 you were in your room and I came in to bug you. You were listening to music and relaxing. I sat in a chair next your bed and out of nowhere you said you needed a haircut. Your fro was always HUGE!! Well in my 7 year old mind I totally knew what I was doing and said “I can cut it. I know how.” I mean I had cut Barbie’s hair a number of times so how hard could it be?? You handed me house scissors and told me to cut your hair!!! WHO DOES THAT?!?!?!? Well I cut it… and left you looking like all my barbie rejects… Sorry. You didn’t care though. You just shrugged, told me to stop and went back to chilling and smoking. When I was about 11 you were in one of your manic moods and went on a rampage.I don’t think you understand how scared I was. That was the first time I saw my grandmother pull her pistol on someone and lock me in her room. There was so much damage and fear that the neighbors had to pull me out of grandmothers bedroom window. I remember trying to squeeze under Grandmothers bed when I heard you beating on the door. I couldn’t fit under because the bed was too low. But by that time a neighbor talked me into opening the window and pulled me out. That day. That very day I remember thinking “I HATE YOU.” I carried that hate for a really long time. When I was 14 I got into my first and last fight… and it was with you. You were being disrespectful to mommy and Grandmothers and I was NOT having it. I think that was the first time mom and Grandmothers heard me lose my shit. We cussed each other smooth out for like 10 minutes (Not a proud moment). I was scared but didn’t want to look like a punk. You raised your fist and I reacted. I got you before you got me and from that day forward you had nothing but mad respect for me… But I still HATED you. It wasn’t you that I hated but your anger. You were always so angry and I didn’t know why. In my world everyone shit rainbows and glitter and I couldn’t figure out why you didn’t. It wasn’t until my 20s that I forgave you. I don’t remember the day but I got tired of carrying the anger and hate and said “Im done. I forgive you” The thing is that I never told you that but tried to show it in my actions… even though they weren’t much. You helped take care of Grandmothers. Everyone and I mean EVERYONE knew who you were. You were the tiny man that picked up cans all day and night. You were the man that talked man conspiracy theories (Which all came to be true) You were the one that had a distinctive talk and laugh. You stayed in your head a lot… and I guess thats where I get in from. Mom says that I remind her of you sometimes when I go on my PRO BLACK conspiracy theory rants. You know what I say?? “DAMN RIGHT!!! HE WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG!!!!” I got to see you one last time before you decided it was time. You didn’t say much and told me you weren’t really good for company. I didn’t care though. I just wanted you to know that I was there. You were cranky but I didn’t think anything of it because you have always been cranky. Well exactly one week later you said you had had enough. I ran my last spartan race knowing that you were going soon. I was selfish though. I wanted you to hang on for a bit longer so I could make it back home from work to say bye. Unlike everyone else that I went… I had the chance to say goodbye before you left. I got to see you in a somewhat good place before you left. I didn’t have that chance with everyone else. I hate that you are gone but I’m ok with it. All you ever wanted was your own place and now… you finally have it. Im happy you are finally at peace. There is no more anger and frustration… only peace now. Rest now Uncle Danny. I know you will pay me a visit at some point just like Uncle Allon and Grandmothers do. Love you Uncle Danny. See ya when I see ya.

HOWDY Y’ALL

WHATS UP?!?!?!?! So I made it to my tiny closet vacation!!! I left NYC on Tuesday afternoon. I flew United… I got the BASIC ticket… Never doing that crap again!!! I couldn’t even take my backpack on the plane!!! I had to check it because it was “too big” I was like “THE HELL??!??!?! I have to pay to check my bag?!?!?! I should have just bought a regular ticket. After that I was already in a cranky mood.  I was tired and ready to go. I was the LAST group to board the plane and was happy that I got to sit at the back of the plane. For some reason the back of the plane is comforting to me. What is NOT comforting is being in a TINY middle seat between a really nice lady and a big nasty guy!! I JUST WANTED TO SLEEP the entire flight. Instead I was forced to sit with my head back and arms between my legs. I slept for MAYBE 45 minutes because the guy next to me had a giant snotty hairball in his throat that he couldn’t get out. Then he turned his music up!!! I moved my arms and ended up pushing the buttons on the arm rest that changed the channels to the lady’s tv. SHIT!!!! Dude to my left is still hacking and then… He hacked into his hand and wiped it on his jeans. WHAT IN ALL THE ULTIMATE HELLS DID I JUST WITNESS?!?!?!?! Y’all I died right there. DEAD!!! I came out of my body and watched my shell of a body make “WHAT IN ALL THE FUCKS” faces at this nasty ass man!!! So as my ghost body is watching my shell of a body, homeboy orders his coke… and then proceeds to slurp it. I could hear it passing his tongue and lips!!! WHY?!?!?! Then he did that air belch. You know the loud mouth fart that people then blow at the end?!?? I died all over again. 2 of me looking at my shell of a body now. I think even my ghost had to step away to throw up. REALLY!!! I was so over this flight!!!!

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Leaving work a happy camper
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Nasty guy is hacking… I just died
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He just wiped his spit snot on his jeans. Just died again!!!

 

My plane landed around 10. I catapulted over the seats to get the hell off of this plane. My friend Chip picked me up and it was happiness and shenanigans from that moment forward. What do you do at 10p at night??  What everyone else does: You go to the MEGA DONUT world of restaurants. GOURDOUGHS!!!!! Y’all… they had two of my favorite things in the whole world: Cocktails and donuts. To tell you this was my happy place is an understatement. Its basically every meal you can possibly think of… just as a donut. I had a donut BLT thing and my friend had the country fried donut . For dessert he had something that a donut covered in bananas and pecans, apples and caramel sauce.  I had the Cin-o-bon which was a donut covered in cream cheese and some kind of butter cinnamon sugar sauce. This right let me know that the rest of my vacation was going to be MAGIC!!! This right here let me know that everything was going to be alright!! **wipes happy tears**

A late night of donuts and laughter led to a great nights sleep and an early morning wake up. I woke up to quiet. I woke up to sit outside and sit in quiet. It was the most RELAXING moment ever!!! Chip woke up not too long after I did and we sat and enjoyed a few cups of coffee, laughter and a tiny breakfast. We got dressed, loaded up our bags and headed to HAMILTON POOL!!!!!!!

It wasn’t a long drive at all. Chip made us a reservation and guess what… IT WAS OPEN FOR SWIMMING!!!! We had a good hike to find the pool (because we hiked past our turn off and had to make a u-turn. But ohhhh when we got there. MAGIC is an understatement!!!!

Hamilton Pool was by far one of the coolest places I have EVER been!!!! It was peaceful, refreshing and LOADS of fun. The water was cold but felt amazing. There were giant fish swimming all around you. The water was really deep in some parts but the swim was awesome!!!! A lot of people were having their sports illustrated swimsuit model shoot moments on the rocks which was really funny. Chip and I stayed long enough to enjoy the water and say “We went” and then headed out. EVERYONE… GO TO HAMILTON POOL!!!! ITS AMAZING!!!!! Stay tuned there are more awesome stories heading your way!!!!!