So for the past month I have been in this sort of funk. I have no idea what brought it on. All I know is that it settled over me and I have been totally comfortable in it. I got to hang out with two really great people last night and they totally brought me out of my funk. We were supposed to bowl but it was a four hour wait. Ain’t no one got time for that. We decided to just stick with eating and drinking. That was the best idea EVER!!! We shared great food, great conversation, a load of laughs and just a rocking good time. Saying that I laughed until I cried is a total understatement. These two people also asked me to be on the Ragnar Relay team. What is that you ask?? Its a team of people who get together and run a total of 200 miles. Yeh we are stupid enough to say “HELL YEH bring it on!!!” I mean we run Spartan races for Gods sake so running 200 miles in a matter of one day and one night is totally normal right?? NOT! They broke down the math for me and with the amount of people that would be on the team we would all run 16 miles in 5 hour shifts of four miles. Meaning we get 5 hours or rest between each run we do. Makes sense. I can do that. Anyway that motivated me to get my butt back in the gym… Well that and the fact that I didn’t fit any of the dresses that I tried on yesterday. Today I woke up and made it to church which also lit a fire under me to get back on my spiritual game. Yeh I fell off of that too. It has been a great day of awakening. So as of today I am out of my funk. OHHHHH and my boss sent me another dating app to try. Everyone is on this quest to get me hitched!!! Is me being single really that bad?? So we will see how this one goes because all the other dating apps and websites have been total failures.
Month: January 2016
I Hate Clothes
So being single in Brooklyn you get to go to cool events that your running group comes up with to hang with other OCR runners who are awesome and single… Not saying that I am awesome or anything but I’m not bad. Since I have this AWESOME event to go to,I have to find an awesome outfit. At first I was like “Im going to wear something super short” Then I got a look at the dimples in my legs and said “Yehhhhhh nope. Pants it is!!!!” Well the thing with pants is that in my case they have to be super long because I’m kind of on the tall side. Not Amazon tall but tall enough and when you add heels to the mix, regular length pants just won’t cut it. I figured my best bet would be Urban Outfitters. They have great clothes that have a quirky comfortable style and that is SOOOOO ME!!!! I tried on 4 dresses today. 3 of the dresses made me extremely depressed. Im not fat but when I don’t work out, I tend to have some problem areas. What are my problem sections?? The mid-section and thighs. **heavy sigh** Those two areas give me the blues and today they didn’t fail to disappoint me. One dress made me look like a old school tea kettle, The other wasn’t bad but I looked hippy and would have to suck my stomach into my back the entire night. The other dress was just an automatic HELL NO!! The last dress I tried on was cute. Why?? Because it was baggy, it showed my best feature (My arms) and it was just the right length and would go GREAT with heels. Something held me back though. Oh yeh the fact that I wouldn’t be able to wear a bra with it. That poses a problem because I have tiny boobs. I had to move around the dressing room waving my arms just to make sure no tiny boob would slide out anywhere. I HATE SHOPPING!!! I put all the dresses back and walked out of Urban Outfitters depressed and upset. What did I do to cheer myself up?? I walked my unhappy ass over to Shake Shack for a cheeseburger, cheese fries and a GIANT Dr. Pepper!
That Wonderful Plan
Yesterday I had a plan. Not just any plan but the PLAN of all plans. My epic weekend was going to start by me being in a mild coma until about 1030-11 this morning. Well I was sleep by 930p (Thanks Benadryl and margaritas). Bertha(the resident house mouse) started chomping on something in my wall that sounded like a pack of freaking peanut brittle at around 3ish. I was able to go back to sleep though. Then I woke up… at 6 THIS MORNING!!! Oh and there was no going back to sleep. Do you have any idea how pissed I am about that?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?! The extra question marks and exclamation points should give you an idea. Now Im sitting here debating if I should get a massage first or go to the gym first. Im thinking massage and then gym. Then I am going to come back home, pop two more benadryl and go back to sleep until its time for me to get up and go hang with my running group at the BROOKLYN BOWL!!!!! Im getting my sleep in DAMN IT!!!! Hope you guys are having an amazing Saturday morning!!!!!
That Moment When…
That moment when all you want to eat is stuff that is super salty followed by stuff that is super sweet. Next week is going to be a doozy.
Get Over It
I am a person that loves to stay active. I work out. I play hard and will try any adventure once. Wait ALMOST any adventure. Anyway I am NOT that person that feels like my life is over if I don’t make it to the gym. I have not been to the gym in almost two weeks. I have done some sit ups and squats here and there but thats about it. I have done absolutely NOTHING this week gym wise and I am totally ok with that. Sometimes I feel guilty but then I get over it. It’s not something that I flip out for. Some people live and breathe the gym but I am not one of them. When I feel like it I do it and when I don’t… I just don’t. The past two weeks have been long. Not bad, just long. The last thing I want to do is hit the gym. And now I have sharp pains going on in my lower back so you can bet all your cash that I am NOT going to the gym. I am so happy sitting here eating a box of cheese nips and a bag of sweet tarts… I am drinking a ton of water though so I feel that balances it out… a little… ok maybe not. Oh well. I will pick up my gym routine again… Just not at this very moment.
Old Age
You know you are getting old when you complain about your back hurting. I have grabbed my lower back at least 5 times today and every time I think” OH MAH GAH I look like someones grandmama right now” All I need is a ratty house dress (all grandmama’s had one) Some pink sponge rollers, some run over slide on pink house shoes, and fly swatter. HA!!!! “GO SAT DOWN SOMEWHERE!!! You bet not be in my garden!!! Hey… Hey… damn it I threw my back out again!!”
See its stuff like this that makes me wish I wasn’t single. If had a boyfriend I could plan a hot date of take out Chinese food, old sweat pants and lover boy giving me a killer back massage while I watch Lilo and Stich II.
Thug Tears
So I don’t know if I mentioned this at any point but I am a nanny. I nanny a little boy who is 2 years old. My day consists of toys, toys, children songs, and more toys. Throw in kids nap time, meals and maybe a fit or two and that is my typical day. Well today Disney songs were on Pandora… Look it beats listening to Copa Cabana on repeat (Dont ask). The song that came on was from the movie “Lilo and Stitch”. I can’t lie you guys and tell you that I didn’t LOVE that movie because I LOVE LOVE LOVE that movie!!! Well as this song is playing, I had a flashback to my senior year in college. Lets go down memory lane shall we:
Its a Friday night and I have had a craptastic day at work and I think I may have bombed a test that I studied really hard for (abnormal psychology… HARDEST TEACHER EVER) The next two days were FREEDOM for me. So what did I do at 1130 at night?? I went to target and bought the Lilo and Stitch II. Its totally what you do when you have the first one. I get home and plug it in. Now picture a 25 year old woman sitting in the middle of her living room floor still in work clothes and eating a giant bowl of popcorn. Well its almost the end of the movie and Stitch basically dies. OH MAH GAH you would have thought someone shot my dog!! I was sitting in the middle of my living room SOBBING because I thought Stitch was dead. ITS A CARTOON… and me being the mature 25 year old that I was just started SOBBING. I called my boyfriend and he was freaking out “What happened?? Are you hurt?? Did something happen at school?? I can’t get to you babe!!! Im on base( military guy)!!! OH DAMN WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?!” After I was able to control the hiccups and sobs I was able to manage “Stitch died!” and then started wailing all over again. Here is what happened after
Boyfriend: Wait…What?!?!?!
Me: Stitch died **more sobs and hiccups**
Boyfriend: As in the cartoon?? Are you shitting me right now??
Me: Im serious!!! **wiping snot and tears and still have hiccups**
Boyfriend: I can’t believe…
Me: Oh wait never mind he lived!! THEY SAVED HIM!!! **laughing through my tears** Ok gotta go bye!!!
Lets fast forward to today: I busted out laughing and the little boy looked at me like “WHAT THE HELL?” I like to remember that day as me shedding thug tears. No grown woman sobs over a dying cartoon character. So I will chalk it up to “Thug tears” and call it a day… Does that make me strange? Is this why I am still single?? Because I can tell you now every time I see that movie and it gets to that part;I still get a little weepy. I don’t sob anymore… My eyes just tear up a little bit.
What Not to do
Do not… I repeat DO NOT listen to Maxwell when you are having a “feel sorry for myself because I am single” moment. Have you listened to him?? Have you heard this mans voice?? Have you listened to his lyrics?!?!?! **heart melt moment** His songs are what you listen to when you are in a relationship. His songs are for the “sexy times” with your ONE. His songs are NOT meant to be listened to when you are cleaning your room feeling sad that you have no one to have “sexy time” with. And then to make matters worse his music just makes you think “Dude I really need to get laid” **looks at calendar and its 4 years and counting… face palm**
No Snow Day For Me
I woke up this morning to Meatloaf… Not the meatloaf that you eat, but the fat white guy with greasy hair and a great voice. A houseguest (not mine) woke up and while making smoothies for everyone, decided to blast Meatloaf at 8 in the morning. No sleeping in for me **pulls pillow over face to scream** WHAT IN ALL THE LIVING HELL?!?!?! Guess that means time to start my day. Starting my day consisted of swallowing two large bowls of fruit loops while finishing a book on my kindle. So as I sat wondering “Why can’t I get a snow day??” I looked at my growing pile of laundry It was like the leaning tower of Pisa. Instead of a leaning tower of bricks, its an assortment of underwear, bras, some socks, sweats and jeans. Throw in a sweater or two and you have my entire winter wardrobe. That only means one thing: Time to venture out to the laundromat. Have you ever pulled a wire cart chucked full of laundry through GIANT snow drifts??? Let me tell you… IT SUCKS!!!! Now when going to do laundry in the winter, I always dress in my sexiest attire: Old sweatpants, ratty sweatshirt, rain boots, puffy coat and red fuzzy hat with floppy ears. SEXY SEXY! Oh and of course there is the no makeup and my hair braided under my hat. If this doesn’t scream “TAKE ME NOW ROMEO” then I don’t know what to tell you.
While my laundry is washing I am NOT the person that can just sit and wait for it. Remember what I said about the short attention span? THE STRUGGLE IS REAL! So that means time to venture out for food because food makes everything WONDERMOUS! I always have to find somewhere cool to eat and being in Brooklyn everything is cool. So not only do I get to be in my sexiest attire, but I also get to enjoy a great breakfast and drink while people watching
I people watch ALL THE TIME. I wonder if people look at me at times and think the same off the wall things that I think when I am people watching?? So I am sitting and enjoying my drink when a little girl and her mom stop so the girl can play in the giant snow drifts. She is dressed head to toe in pink. She was like a pink marshmallow. She even had on little pink glasses. She was maybe about 3 or 4 years old. Anyway she is playing in the snow and the mom looked off just for a quick second. In that split second, little pink marshmallow picked up a giant handful of yellow snow AND LICKED IT!!! Mom FREAKED OUT!!! I almost spit out my eggs I was laughing so hard. This single life ins’t so bad. While being single I could care less what I look like when running errands. I know when I meet the ONE all of that might change. The key word there is “Might” Hopefully the one will enjoy dressing tacky with me. GOOD DAY WORLD!!!
Blizzard Fun
So remember earlier when I said it was a mini blizzard? I was totally not lying. The snow has not stopped. The boredom finally set in and my roommate and I decided to make a night of it. What did we do? We suited up and went out and it was SOOOO much fun!!! Snow angels, drinking and old school arcade games. This is what being single in Brooklyn is all about!!!!
I can not and will not complain. This blizzard has been AMAZING!!! I am now back in my room, curled up under my blankets while scanning Netflix to find something interesting to watch. Well played Blizzard. Well played.
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