Sigh

Whats up good people. Its been nonstop work so I haven’t really had time to write. I also haven’t really had anything to write about because its basically been all work and you guys DO NOT want to hear about that.  I am a nanny so its the same ole same ole. Anyway what is different is that WE ARE IN NANTUCKET!!!!

You know I’m gearing back up for work mode when the head wraps come out.

I.LOVE.BEING.HERE!!!! If there were more black people, I had a shit ton of money and was able to quit working and just live… I would probably move here. I have discovered that I am becoming more of a small town beach woman the older I get. Yes I love the ease of having everything at my fingertips while in the city BUT small town beach life is so freaking relaxing and you still have everything that you need.  Nantucket has everything that I need and its on the water. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the water. Its soothing and MAN have I needed soothing. Today was my first off day since getting back from vacation. I have been GO GO GO GO GO since I came back into work a week ago.  I WASN’T READY**said in my Kevin Hart voice**

 

Back to work. The dark circle game is REAL!!!

Today I woke up at 545am like I do every morning. Kids woke between 630a-7a. I got them dressed  and ready to go and then my boss came out and said “You have the day off.” Uhhh you don’t have to tell me twice!!! DEUCES!!!!! I ran upstairs changed into my running gear, loaded up my music and hit the road. I ran 2.27 miles to the beach. I haven’t really ran in MONTHS!!! Like a solid run… yeh its been awhile. Today I plugged in Busta Rhymes and Outkast and hit the pavement. When I reached the beach, my body let out this swoosh of air. Yes I was tired but it was more than that. My body literally released all of the tension that I had been holding in. I walked to the sand and had a seat at the top of the sand dune. I pulled my knees up to my chest, snapped a selfie and then put my phone away and took out my ear buds.

I let the sound of the waves drown out every negative thought, every frustration that’s been nagging at me and all of the constant voices that surround me. I let the wind blow away all of the negative energy. I let the sun shine down on me and recharged my depleted life battery. I just… Sat. For 20 minutes I sat with my face turned up to the sky and eyes closed. For 20 minutes I let nature do what it is meant to do. For 20 minutes I let God work through me. For 20 minutes I sat in complete peace. Ahhhhh man it was amazing.

When I got home and looked in the mirror, you could tell that the sun had basically made love to my skin. I was 3 shades darker!!! I was wearing SPF 100 sunscreen!!! My bronzed chocolate glow was ON POINT!!! God thank you for my melanin!!!! I showered fluffed my hair and went out for coffee and a cranberry lemon muffin. I made it back home in time to be here when one of the kiddos needed her nap.

When it was ok for me to bounce again, I hopped on the bike and rode into town.There is something about riding a bike that is freeing. Turns you into a kid again. The wind in your face and the burn in your legs from peddling like hell. The sun beating down on you. Its all great until a giant bug flies in and gets stuck in your fro. Yes you guys I had to pedal and fish a bug out of my fro!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! Today was beyond relaxing. The hardest thing about today was not consuming dairy, or sugar. I wanted an adult beverage so damn bad. There’s an ice cream shop on every corner and I had to pass them all!!! **Silent sobs**

This summer I am doing everything to get my life right. I’m so freaking out of whack in every way possible. I might look like I have my shit together… I DON’T.  I REALLY DON’T. I’m doing everything I can to be more than  halfway put back together by the time summer is over though. Best believe that.

Vacation Winding Down

The past two days have been a bit of Nothing. Seriously I have done NOTHING!!! I had  great plans of working out… Haven’t done it. Was going to deep clean… Haven’t done it. I was even going to mediate… Haven’t done it. Its 7:40pm and I have JUST NOW unpacked my back from my world wind travel adventure from TWO DAYS AGO!!! I have JUST NOW thrown my dirty clothes in the wash. I have done dishes… sort of. Meaning that I do dishes and get everything clean and then end up preparing something to eat and messing everything up again. UUUUUUGGGGGHHHH!! Oh well. It will get done.Im basically coming off of a vacation travel high. I have washed my hair but it is now in a big bun that has not been detangled or dried. I am sitting here with a face mask on. I was supposed to have washed it off 30 minutes ago!!!! Soooo yeh that tells you my level of laziness. The most adult thing I have done for the day

1. Make a pot of coffee and drink LARGE cups of it.
2. Make cocktails… and drink large cups of it
3. put half of my folded laundry away.

I basically stare at everything else like : Is it really worth it right now?? Can it wait?? Will it kill me to wait till tomorrow?? Naaawww I’m good. I do need to wash this face mask off though so I am going to do that RIGHT NOW before my face swells or breaks out in some kind of weird allergic reaction rash. This was my day of adulting. How’s your day going??

Vegas Show Down

Viiiiiivaaaaaa Las Vegas!!!! I am back in NY soaking up the LAST little bit of my vacation. Seriously the last half has gone at like WARP SPEED!!! **silent tears**

Alright Vegas…. Vegas owes me NOTHING except for a lot of money. I had so much fun… BY.MYSELF!!! I went there for two things.

1. To play any and every slot machine that lit up with glitter and sparkles as well as sang to me like the little trolls that sang “Its a small world”
2. See an amazing show

I played any and EVERY slot machine and it was a toss up with which show I would see. I chose Jabbawokeez. Let me tell you… I had an epic fan girl meltdown on the inside.  I have been a fan since I saw them on ABDC season 1 and have tried to follow them through out their career. This show was AHHH-MAZING!!! I have no pics of the show but I will remember it for the rest of my life. The dancing was great. The theatrics were hilarious and the story that was told was fantastic. Watching them dance brought out my inner breakdancer. I can’t dance to save my life but in my mind I am part of their crew.

I knew that I was going to be out late for a night on the town so I wanted to be cute. I’m talking red lipstick and all.  Was I cute?? I thought I looked great. Did I meet anyone?? NOPE. Did I see anyone worth looking at?? HELL YES!!! I saw two SUPA FINE BROTHAS but they did not see me. I was walking to the show and passed them and I may have drooled a little bit…OOPS. Oh well.

Ok so the show was amazing… What about the sites?? The hotels in Vegas are out of this world. They are gorgeous. Even seeing some of the older casinos was awesome. I have been to Vegas before but this time was a ton of fun.

The most unexpected bit of fun was meeting my friend Audra Scott for breakfast. IT was crazy early in the morning and she responded to one of my FB post saying that she was in town. SAY WHAT?!?!?! OH breakfast is TOTALLY called for!!! So we met up at the Mirage hotel for their buffet.  The Buffet… Y’all… All I could do was stare with my mouth open. There was every possible assortment of food that I could ever think of. And guess what?? I ate some of EVERYTHING!!! It was 20 bucks and WELL WORTH IT!!!! We talked and laughed for HOURS!!!! We hadn’t seen each other in a few years so it was AMAZING to catch up and boy did we have some catching up to do.

I had plans to go buck wild in Vegas… But you see how their heat is set up… HELL NO!!! I walked from the Mirage to Circus Circus and thought I was going to DIE!!! It was like a mile maybe a mile and a half walk. It’s not a long distance but when it’s 110 degrees of dry heat, all you want to do is curl up near the AC and let it wrap its cool arms around you while letting you know everything is going to be alright. I made it to Circus Circus for one reason… THE ROLLERCOASTERS!!! They have two. When I got up to there to pay for my ticket…THEY.WERE.CLOSED. I’m sorry what was that??? Soooo you’re telling me that I walked on the surface of the sun FOR NOTHING?!?!?!?! No. Nooooo. Nooooooooo. Nooooooooooooooooooooo!!!! I smiled but stomped away like a tantruming 3 year old. I went outside, hailed a cab and went to New York New York. Why?? Because they have a BIG ASS ROLLERCOASTER!!!  AAAAAND it was working. 15 bucks took me right on through to awesomeness. I locked my backpack up, stuck my phone in my pocket and walked up to get in line for adrenaline happiness. I’m in line and a group of Middle Eastern guys line up behind me and in the other trolly line. Well They did not understand PERSONAL SPACE!!! Dude was all up on my back!!!! GET OFF ME!!!! I wasn’t in the friendliest of moods. Heat turns me into a mean troll for real and my mean troll was OUT and WAS NOT IN THE MOOD for PEOPLING!!! So I turned around and gave old dude a “Back the fuck up look” He backed up and they moved to different lines. THANK YOU!!! Well it comes time to load into the car and they make their way back. NOOOOOOOO!!!!! Well his buddy decides he wants to ride in the rollercoaster car with me. WHY?!?!?!? WHY?!?!?!?! This is what the mean troll in my head was screaming. GOSH DAMN IT LET ME BE ALONE!!!!!! Well dude turns out to be chatty. Mean troll is NOT in a chatty mood!!! “Ahhhh dangerous ride ehh.” “Uhhh not really.” “All the hills and turns ehh??” “Yup.” “Going to be fun eh??” “Yup” “ok” So we are buckled in and take off at a slow roll. I rest my arm on the bar that rides on the top of the outside of the car….A TOTALLY OK PLACE to place your arm because nothing is going to take it off. DUDE FREAKED OUT!!! “NO NO PUT ARM BACK IN!!! DON’T DO THAT!!!!” I looked at him like he had lost his flipping mind. So I did one even better. I just put both my hands in the air and waved them around. Yeh because I can be an asshole. Remember I said “Mean Troll” was NOT there to play around. The rollercoaster took off down that first drop and I could not stop laughing!!!! Ole dude couldn’t even scream!!! Which made me laugh harder. I think he died a little bit inside because he was NOT having fun which made me laugh EVEN HARDER!!! The ride ended and everyone climbed off. I bought the pictures and I was shooting a quick video talking about the experience  when Him and his gang approached me for the pictures. They took a picture of our pictures and then… He gave me a hug. MEAN TROLL DID NOT WANT A HUG!!!!! UUUUUGGGGGH WHY WHY WHY?!?!?!?!?!?! I can’t post the pictures because that would be like an invasion of privacy or something. Well I mean I could post them and edit his face out but that’s too much work and ain’t nobody got time for that. ANYWYAY I walked out into that heat and thought I was going to pass out. Seriously… I got a little dizzy and my stomach started hurting and I just felt awful so of course my first thought was “I NEED FOOD!!!!” Then I saw a sign for shake shack and KNEW that was where I needed to go!!! So I swallowed a cheeseburger, cheese fries and lemonade and then made my way back to my hotel room. I got to my room, showered  and layed naked across my bed under the cool AC. Y’all it was that type of heat in Vegas.  I popped two Benadryl threw on my jammies and CRASHED.

I woke up at the ASS CRACK of dawn to catch a 730a flight back to NYC. While in the airport Grumpy Troll made another appearance. GRUMPY!!!! I mean it was bad y’all BAAAAD! So while sitting in the airport I tend to people watch. Its one of the best places to people watch. Well I watched two guards dressed in civilian clothes escort a prisoner onto the plane.  Everyone in line was old and white. When they saw dude getting on their flight they all froze. FROZE and the little color that they had TOTALLY DRAINED from their faces. The look of horror and fear on their faces CRACKED.ME.UP. I totally sipped my coffee and ate my breakfast sandwich while watching their meltdowns. It was really flipping funny. Well it comes time to board my plane. I get on and am sitting in an aisle seat so I can stretch at least one leg out a little bit.  Well GRUMPY TROLL was in FULL RAGE by this point. Let me tell you the bullshit that went on this entire flight. It was like the Chinese family reunion of a lifetime and they all sat in the back of the plane with me. Its as like 20 people. Out of 20 people only ONE spoke English. So when the flight attendant would tell one of them to do something, they would look 3 ROWS BACK so that one person could translate what was being said.

1. Lady sitting behind me is talking to her reunion members ACROSS THE SEATS which means they were talking loud. The plane is ready to leave the gate but we can’t because SHE WON’T SIT DOWN!!! Turns out she wanted to switch seats with the guy three rows up so she could sit next to a member of her crew. So we were put on hold so she could switch seats
2. Young love bird couple from somewhere decided to be all love bird like… and then I look over and she is POPPING PIMPLES ON THE BACK OF HIS HEAD!!! **gag**
3. Lady across the aisle from me is trying to get comfortable. There isn’t much room. She’s part of the reunion crew.  She’s loudly blowing up her neck rest. Then she blows up her back pillow. THEN she starts blowing up this GINORMOUS FOOT REST that won’t even fit under the seat in front of her and she wrestles with it for 5 minutes.Finally she squeezes it into the tiny space between her seat, TAKES HER SHOES OFF and sits criss cross applesauce (feet propped on this enormous foot pillow)
4. Family reunion crew chitter chatters all through take off but I’m able to doze off for a bit to block it out
5.  We aren’t even done with take off before 3 members of the family reunion crew GET UP to get bags from overhead and then LOUDLY ASK other members if they need anything or thats what I pictured them asking. Flight attendants were all over those speakers telling people to SIT DOWN but family reunion crew didn’t listen.
6. Flight attendants come through and hit my leg with the cart.
7. Everyone and their mama had to come to the back to go pee which means they were all IN MY PERSONAL SPACE while waiting to take a piss
8. Lady with diva comfort pillows opens up a box of cherries and proceeds to eat them and then SPIT the seeds out!!!
9. Lady with diva comfort pillow decides she needs to get up to adjust all of her pillows which means her ASS was near me THE ENTIRE TIME.
10. The so in love couple next to me having to get up 10 times to take a piss
11. My leg cramped up
12. My mood got worse

FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY the plane landed and I was able to take an uber to my apartment, make a grilled cheese sandwich, drink a michelada, pop two Benadryl AND GO TO SLEEP before before 8p. And that my friends is called “Real World Adulting”

Stay tuned because in a few days I will be posting about my work adventures in Nantucket!!! Ill be there for a month and a half. For now Im going to enjoy my last days of work freedom 😁.

 

Day 11 Just Call me Rocket Ninja

WHAT UP WHAT UP WHAAAAAAT UP?!?!?! Alrightee we are on day 11… Wait are we?? Hell I don’t know. All I know is that I am still in Colorado and I kicked something else off the “Must do adventure” list. I hit up Castle Rock and did their zip line/sky trek package. DUUUUUUDE. If you visit Colorado you HAVE GOT to do the zipline sky trek deal. Its AAAAAHHHH-MAZING!!!! Everyone is nice and its a challenge. You basically pay for 4 hours on the obstacle course. I ONLY LASTED 2!!!

Lets start from the beginning. I arrived a 7ish and we didn’t begin until around 730ish.  They helped us into our harnesses and clicked and locked every buckle that there was. We then grabbed helmets, gloves, and the leather glove cover to protect your hand for when you are stopping. This morning the weather wasn’t bad. It was a little chilly but nothing to complain about. Once we are all geared up, we hopped on the cart and they drove us up to the drop off point.

We get to the drop off and they give us the run down of how everything works and hand signals that we have to look out for. Our guys were super duper nice.  We did a total of 10 different zips and they ranged from a few hundred feet all the way to about 1700 feet.  We zipped over the most beautiful scenery I have ever seen. The best way to describe it “FUCKING AMAZING”  We got up to speeds of over 50mph. HO-LY SHIT!!!! Yeh it was beyond breath taking. They provided us with music, water, CANDY, and jokes. 2 hours of hiking and zipping. At one point we were able to take the “Stairs to heaven” basically a steep set of stairs that make you say “What the FUCK was I thinking” once you get halfway up. Again the views were totally worth it though.

I took my phone because I wanted to record but we did all of the work with steering and stopping soooooo that meant no video footage. They took pics of us though with their camera.

After zipping, it was time for sky trek. Yooooooo… I have no words for the awesomeness that stood before me. It was like Ninja Warrior smoked a little angel dust and came up with what stood before me. I’m so happy that I went to the restroom before going in because I’m pretty sure I would have shat myself more than once.  It was this 5 story structure with over 100 obstacles woven through . OH MAH GAH!!!! I climbed, swung, hung, teetered, balanced, rolled, flew… you name it. You are clipped into a special harness the entire time. So I used my phone to take video and pics and I didn’t get half of what I wanted because I had to use both hands for a lot of the course. I’ve never laughed so hard at myself. I made it across rock walls that were suspended 4 stories up!!! THE FUCK?!?!?! Yehhh I’m the person that pays to do stupid shit like that and I LOVE IT!!! I walked a slack line!!! Then I decided let me try the roller trolly thing. You hold on to the bars and run  so it will zip you across the line. I knew before I even took hold that it was going to be a bad idea.  INSTINCTS DON’T LIE PEOPLE!!! I took off and… Got stuck in the middle. Literally at a dead hang for 2 minutes!! I used my legs to swing and try to propel myself forward but it was not working!!! A girl a few obstacles away saw my struggle and came over as fast as she could. She used the pull rope to get it moving but my dead weight made I kind of hard. We eventually got it moving and I was able to swing myself to get it inching along little by little. When I say little, I really mean little. I played and climbed for another hour before my body said “HEFFA I’M FINISHED!!! You can try to climb something if you want to but I PROMISE YOU BOO BOO… I’m giving out. Don’t try me.” I listened to my body.

After my body told me to SAT DOWN SOMEWHERE… I went down, unclipped my harness and was ready to go… or so I thought. I couldn’t find my keys. MY MUTHA F(*#$%*&$ Rental car keys were GONE!!! I remember putting them in my pocket and then… all of a sudden they weren’t there. I searched and searched and even had one of the guides help me. He was so freaking nice. I checked the ground while he went up all the tiers and looked around. I was like “God… just show me where my keys are. PLEASE. Just point me in the direction I need to go.” Low and behold I walked over to some chairs, looked to my right and THERE THEY WERE!!!! I grabbed them and waved up to he guide and he took a huge sigh of relief. I guess not many people are as lucky. After all of the commotion of playing, getting stuck, almost falling off of a plank, and then losing my keys; I decided “I need… Nooooo I DESERVE a snow cone. The biggest one OUT THERE!!!!” So I pulled up Gully’s Shaved Ice on Waze and drove 50 MIN for an amazing giant cup of artificially flavored ice. BEST.DECISION.EVER!!!

I finished my giant cup of awesomeness while driving, made it to my hotel and rested for a few minutes. I then made my way downstairs to jack 3 shampoos and 4 conditioners from the housekeeping cart (I have a lot of hair y’all) I hopped in my luke warm shower. Remember when I said in an earlier blog that I had the handicapped room??? Yeh the shower SUCKED!!! Its open so basically I flooded the bathroom floor. I had to turn the shower off between my shower, shampooing hair and washing out the conditioner. That means I was freezing my ass off 3 different times so I wouldn’t flood the bathroom. Uuuuuugh. I used all but two towels to mop up the mess and then had to put the soggy towels along the rim of the shower area to keep the water from running out so I could finish washing out the conditioner. After that fiasco, I sat wrapped in a towel and watched hallmark channel. 3 hours later I was like “I guess I should put on my jammies and detangle my hair. Hour and a half later I was detangled, and in a happy sleepy state. That means I was sleep by 630p. WINNING AT LIFE PEOPLE!!!! WINNING AT LIFE!!!!