Go With The Flow

Whats up good people?!?!?!?! Guess what?!?!?!? The ball is still moving. Some days it moves at the speed of light and other days it doesn’t move at all. Right now I am at a slight stand still and I am ok with that. I am learning to go with the ebb and flow of all situations. It’s hard as hell to do that because instinct tells you to fight the current. Push push push push push. But when you push against something that is going against you; you tend to burn out… and FAST.

I am a person that burns out FAST. I go full steam ahead and push and push and push and then I get tired and say “FUCK IT. I’m done” Half of that is my extremely short attention span and the other half is that I think I can move something in the time that I FEEL it should be moved. I have 3000 craft projects going at one time because of my short attention span. I get bored with one and start on another… and then another and then another and then I get bored and go back to working on the very first one that I ditched in the beginning and start the cycle all over again. Eventually I finish but it just takes me a while.

Life lessons are another story though. I don’t burn out because of my short attention span. I burn out because I fight the current of life instead of just moving with it. It’s kind of like doing an open water swim and then the current changes direction. Swimming against the current will just tire you out faster. You push and push trying to get through. Every muscle in your body is SCREAMING and telling you to STOP but you can’t because you are telling yourself that you are almost there. And the truth is that you might not be as far away as you think but your body totally shuts down before you reach your goal and you sink. Am I making sense? This makes sense in my head but sometimes what sounds right to me is complete bullshit to others.

This is how it’s been with me trying to go all out with a writing career. I was for sure that tradition publishing was going to be the way. For 4 years I wrote what seemed like HUNDREDS of query letters to publisher after publisher and agent after agent. I created manuscript after manuscript and all I got were closed doors. 4 years y’all. 4 MF YEARS!!!!! I finally just burned out. My desire to create died. My desire to write was there but my brain was just like “IT’S A NO FOR ME DAWG” “WRITE WHAT?? A sentence?? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH That’s funny!!!” ” BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH write that!!!!”

Now… NOW… NOOOOOOOOW I am done fighting the current and am just going with the ebbs and flows. Now I am going the self publish route. I JUST secured my illustrator. It is going to take a while to map it all out but again… going with the flow. It is all going to work out and I am DONE stressing. I DO NOT have time for it anymore and I am DONE killing myself for circumstances and situations that weren’t meant for me. NOPE. So part 2 of this journey is to just… relax, chill… and go with it.

**Turns on H.E.R. album, closes eyes and lets life flow**

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Here We Go…

I am still in France but I am no longer in Paris. We are now in The Antibes. It is MAGICAL here. The house has everything so I really have NO DESIRE to leave the property… like at all. There is sea, and food, and a bed… I’m good.

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That’s not what todays blog is about though. Ohhhh Nooooooo nooooo noooooo. Today I am writing about… WRITING!!!! Yes you read that correctly. I am going to document my adventures in writing. Are you ready for this?? Heeeeeeere weeeeee goooooooooo!

So about 4 years ago I came up with a character and a story. I researched and researched how to submit to agents and publishers. I researched query letters, was able to ask a few people “How the hell do I navigate this??” Joined a few writing groups on FB. Joined the children’s book society because they have workshops. ALL OF THAT. The thing about the workshops… Is that you have to actually have the time to ATTEND the workshops. My work schedule is INSANE. I emailed people left and right and got honest feed back and a lot of that honest feedback hurt. No for real THAT SHIT HURT!!! I had to take it, store it, make the changes, and keep it moving. For 4 years I have submitted multiple manuscripts to publishers and agents. I sent my work via email, hard copies, osmosis, telepathically, you name it and I was sending to EVERYBODY!!!! Sometimes I would get a response back and sometimes no response at all. I have saved EVERY letter sent and every response received. EVERY.SINGLE.ONE.

The thing that sucks about all of those responses… Is that they were all turn down letters. Every single one politely said “Thanks but no thanks” “Its a no for me Dawg” “Mmmm maybe someone else will like it.” “I didn’t vibe with it” “No.” “No” No” “No” There are more ways to say “Hell no” But I haven’t gotten those yet. It’s never too late though!! I just KNEW that I was going to get my big awesome book deal that would eventually keep getting extended because my writing is just that good and that I would then get a call from a network that they want to turn my AMAZING books into an animated series.

WELP!!!! Let’s fast forward. Last week I received ANOTHER turn down letter and literally just wanted to toss my whole damn laptop from the window. Burn every spiral notebook, journal, stationary… ALL OF IT!!! KABOOM!!! My dad told me a while back that I should self publish, my old boss told me to self publish, random strangers said to self publish, good friends said to self publish, even my boyfriend said to self publish. But me being HARD HEADED, I just knew that traditional was the way to go. Well that last turn down letter really pissed me off and the entire traditional route can KICK ROCKS with their shoes off right now. That is unless I get something saying “YES WE WANT YOU” and in that case just keep your shoes off and dig your toes into the sand and enjoy.

Today is Day 1 of learning about self publishing. I have been on a few sites reading “what to do and what not to do” of self publishing children’s books. I think my eyes started to cross after the 5th website. All of this to say: I am still researching. Then on top of that I have to now find an illustrator and not just any illustrator but THHHEEEEEEEEE illustrator. There are a bazillion artists out there but I want to actually connect with the artists style. On top of all of that I have to also factor in “What bill are we going to be able to skip on to pay the illustrator”. HA!!! My head hurts and its only day 1!!! I am going to continue to document this process as I go along because writing is how I make it through any and all situations.

So buckle up buttercup is going to be a bumpy ride.

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